am i afraid of you now [Vulgaris] - Printable Version

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am i afraid of you now [Vulgaris] - Pond - 07-11-2018

everybody seems so far away from me now
Pond had been enjoying her quiet life in Ischia. The stallions left her alone, for she was much too young for their attentions, although she occasionally enjoyed the company of Belgaer when he would come to check on her well-being. No doubt he wanted to make sure that she was being well-treated and that she was finding her way around the jungle-like island on her own. She had grown to become an independent yearling, leggy and strong-necked with wise gray eyes that spoke of her out-of-time age.

Her mind wandered, though, as she wandered too. She wondered about things like life and death, immortality and the fragility of life itself. She knows that she has been given something of a second chance - that she was never destined to live forever and yet here she is so many years after the life she’d been born into still youthful and alive. The world around her is magical and she has begun to shake off her sadness and sense of loss in exchange for a more accepting and awe-imbued sense of wonder.

When she had first met Vulgaris, she had been amazed and wondrous, touching her muzzle to his scaly skin and calling him beautiful. For indeed, to her, he was. He was different, like her, and somehow that seemed to her as if they were somehow bonded. Neither of them quite belonged in this world of beautiful creatures that could fly and vanish and breathe underwater and vanish in the shadows. So she seeks him out again. He may have been older than her, but she felt as though they were kindred spirits.

They were lost together.

But when she finds him, there in the forest after, she finds him standing near a poor mangled corpse. Its eyes are blank, its throat is torn, its limbs are askew. She trots jauntily around the elder stallion’s side before she registers the scene and then she gasps and stops with a jolt of her limbs digging into the gentle forest floor. It was one of the foals they had played with before, his little bronzed copper coat gleaming now with a coat of blood. The scent of death, of iron, of the sad loss of life overwhelms her. Her ears fall sadly and her eyes droop as she looks over the scene and turns abruptly to bury her face into Vulgaris’s scaly shoulder to hide her tears.

“What happened?” she sobs, hoping that her friend could explain it to her. She doesn’t notice the shadowy wings on her shoulders becoming somewhat more tangible - she had led the killer to his prey. She takes another glance at the body and heaves a sob at his bare ribs and bony jaw shining in the early light of dawn. “What happened…” she gasps, again burying her face in his shoulder. “I don’t understand.”

everybody just wants to be free

RE: am i afraid of you now [Vulgaris] - vulgaris - 07-11-2018

"love breaks my bones and i laugh."

He does not know why he chooses the victims he does or if there is any sort of pattern to them at all. Perhaps it is because they are trusting and they readily throw themselves within his reach, or maybe they’re just cases of wrong place, wrong time. There’s probably something profound and significant to be discovered if he were to take the time to analyze his past but he has no interest in self-discovery. Instead, he just accepts that Pond is an eager plaything for him to bend and break as he pleases. She always comes circling back to him like the lost girl she is.

Vulgaris had already washed himself clean of the boy’s blood and waited for her like a patient spider. The sound of her sucking in her breath makes his heart jump a little and the corners of his lips curl upward. She’s warm as she presses to his shoulder for comfort and he relishes in the sound of her little cries as she processes what she sees. All the questions come pouring out then and he plucks himself from her side to get a good look at her – he wants to see every second of this.

Oh Pond, you don’t understand?” he coos as he nudges her chin up with his nose so he can stare into her eyes. She’s so small and fragile beneath his gaze and he wonders if he could eat her wings. Would they snap right off like a dry twig or would he just get a mouth full of smog? “He’s dead because of you.

His dark head tilts while his flat green eyes watch every second of her, searching for some way to read her innermost thoughts so he can drink her dread. Vulgaris touches his lips to her forehead like some doting father comforting his weeping child as he sighs. He is disappointed, really, that he cannot rush this scene along. Mourning and loss bores him.

If you hadn’t lead him around here in your little game, he’d be napping with his mother and father right about now.” He feigns a pout and steps away from her again to regard the little carcass once more. Vulgaris looks over the exposed bones, the little notches his teeth had dug out while he chewed idly. Would she scream if he ripped another bite from him now? He wonders, but he does not bring his lips back to the meat.

But I forgive you, Pond. You’re a monster, but I forgive you.

It’s all he can do not to laugh.


RE: am i afraid of you now [Vulgaris] - Pond - 07-12-2018

everybody seems so far away from me now
Sorrow and sadness are no foreign thing to the young girl who cries against her friend’s shoulder. She has lost her parents, she has lost her home - and yet, she had begun to find a place for herself here now. She had been found by a kind soul, she had been taken-in, given a new home and a sense of belonging again. She had learned to let herself be free again….until now.

Now the sight of bare bones and viscera burn in her eyes like brands and no matter the tears she sheds to try and wash it all away, no matter how much she blinks and frowns to try and blind the sight from her mind, she cannot stop seeing it. The poor mangled corpse, the foal so small and so wrought of its life, the blinding white of bone glaring in the sunlight… she cannot escape it.

Even as she buries her face in the scaly shoulder of Vulgaris and begs him to explain what has happened, she almost knows. His fake-soothing words purr at her ears and she looks up at him with wet gray eyes when he lifts her chin. The shadowy wings shift on her shoulders as if to prove their presence, but as she stares into his green gaze and as he speaks, she feels frozen.

“Because of me?” she repeats in a tremulous voice. “Me?” Her entire body quivers as she looks back at the poor dead colt and she takes a deep breath, attempting to calm herself but only sucking in more of the decay.

Vulgaris speaks of the colt’s parents, how he would be asleep with them now if not for her, and she chokes back another sob. She misses her own mother and father so dreadfully, wonders what had become of them, but now neither she or the slaughtered cold would ever know. In a sense, she feels as though she herself has been rent as horribly as the body they now observe.

Pond hardly notices when the taller stallion steps away and studies her; she is lost, reeling, and chilled to the bone. His words only reach her as though from miles away. All she can do is study the curves of the bones, the way the flesh and muscles sit so fluidly and yet so still over the body they were meant to animate.

You’re a monster, but I forgive you.

That part she does hear and she sobs out the breath she’d been holding before she looks up at Vulgaris questioningly.

“Monster?” she asks in a shaky voice. “I…” Her eyes fall and she suffers another tremor, shadowy wings flexing and folding back close to her shoulders again. “I didn’t mean to hurt him… I didn’t want this to happen… What…” She sobs and steps closer to him, closing her eyes against the sight again. “What have I done?”

The shadowy wings darken still more with her mounting guilt.

everybody just wants to be free

RE: am i afraid of you now [Vulgaris] - vulgaris - 07-16-2018

"love breaks my bones and i laugh."

Her inner turmoil reminds him of his first hunt and how he had let terror engulf him so easily at the sight of so much blood. He had cursed the world that had allowed him to become such a monster when he had once been so perfect before. Like Pond, he was only a child then. He hadn’t even had the time for any sins worthy of such a curse and yet there he was. Yet here he is. It is a small revenge to twist and torment those who lead such happy lives before he darkens their doorway.

He nods slowly when she stumbles around the word ‘me’ and he forces something like pity onto his face. She’s shaking like the boy had when Vulgaris cornered him, towered over him just seconds before teeth met skin, and yet for entirely different reasons. The smell of her tears and the blood around them is almost too intoxicating as he watches her face shift between so many different emotions.

She curls around his lie and edges closer to him. Vulgaris steps forward so her small head can lean against his gray chest while he leans his head over her to hug her close. His bright eyes catch the sight of the wings changing and he smiles faintly to himself at his accomplishment. Pond is changing in the worst sort of way but she’s the perfect plaything, really.

Of course you meant to, Pond,” he says softly in a voice tinged with regret and pity, like a parent teaching the hard lessons of life. “You wanted this. You were jealous of everything he had and you knew you couldn’t just take it for yourself. Monsters take what they can, so you took his life.

And to some extent, he has told her the truth of himself. He has always snatched away anything he found within his reach and kept it all for himself so long as it entertained him. There was no way to mend the sorrows he plagued himself with but observing the mourning of others always helped him forget for a while. And besides, ripping someone else’s life apart is always easier than piecing your own back together. He has learned that much the hard way.

Everything is alright, Pond. If they come looking for you then I will keep you safe,” he mumbles softly near her ear. At least this time he speaks the entire truth. Vulgaris is selfish and territorial, willing to crush anything that threatens what he deems his. That had been the only bright side of having a herd of his own years ago – fighting anyone who tried to take one of his girls, taking from others so easily. “I am the only one you can truly rely on. I am the only one who understands.

She still smells like childhood and innocence but he tries to commit this moment to perfect memory. Maybe in another year, when she’s fully grown, he can look back at this moment and relish in their progress.