[mature] here we are in the heart of the darkness; Briseis - Printable Version +- Beqanna (https://beqanna.com/forum) +-- Forum: OOC (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=24) +--- Forum: Archive (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=81) +---- Forum: Lands (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=98) +----- Forum: Nerine (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=91) +----- Thread: [mature] here we are in the heart of the darkness; Briseis (/showthread.php?tid=22805) |
here we are in the heart of the darkness; Briseis - Ether - 01-28-2019 Golden eyes watching our every move He'd never truly known how consuming misery could be. Never understood heartbreak until only a few short months ago. Months that had seemed to pass in a blink and drag by in agonizing slowness at the same time. If he were asked, he's not entirely certain he could recall what he'd done with his time. Every glimpse of her brought pain, but it seems he is a masochist. He tried not to, but he couldn't seem to stop himself, couldn't override the overwhelming desire to check on her from time to time. ether @[Briseis] I wrote a novel oops :| RE: here we are in the heart of the darkness; Briseis - Briseis - 01-29-2019 little do you know how I'm breaking while you fall asleep, little do you know I'm still haunted by the memories, little do you know I'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece It had not been her intention to remain in Nerine, but it seemed safer than the alternative, for even though he had not expressed an interest, she was worried that Tunnel would come and try to take her son away from her. She wouldn’t be able to fend him off, and she had virtually no one else. If she had been overprotective of Chryseis, this was nothing in comparison. There was never a moment that the blue-pointed colt was not within her sight, and more often than not, well within her reach as well. She walked with him now, her lips constantly brushing across his hip or his shoulder, the cold ocean breeze ruffling the short tufts of his mane as they traveled. She had been looking down at Misfit, a subtle smile resting on her lips as she studied his face, the way she so often did. She looked for pieces of her in him; anything to make him not look like his father. The stallion of the forest still haunted her at night, but now instead of running when the nightmares startled her awake, she pulled her son close to her, her fear of losing him being stronger than whatever fear Tunnel could evoke. She doesn’t notice the small group that has arrived, not until a small voice breaks through her thoughts. It is only then that her gaze is pulled from her own son, to another child, and the very sight is enough to make her stutter to a halt. ”Oh,” The word is startled from her mouth, and when she looks down at a pair of bright eyes, she cannot explain the way her throat suddenly tightens. Those golden eyes are ones that she would recognize anywhere, almost lost inside such a shadowy face, and slowly she can feel her skin begin to heat with apprehension. ”I’m Briseis,” She manages to say, trying to tell herself that it is perhaps just a coincidence; Beqanna was large and strange, and she is sure Ether couldn’t possibly be the only shadow creature to live here. But when she looks up, and she sees him standing not far off, it is as though someone slammed the air completely out of her lungs, and split her heart in half in one relentless motion. For a long moment all she can do is stare at him, her confused brown eyes locked with his, and that is when she sees the other two children – black, like him, and like his shadows, but with colored manes. She is almost certain that he can hear the way her heart is thundering in her chest, her pulse so loud in her ears that it almost drowns out every thought. The tears that gather in the back of her eyes are quickly forced away, turning her attention back to the shadowy child and her own son, as she adds slowly from her previous introduction, ”And this is my son, Misfit.” Her lips briefly touch the top of the colt’s head, but her mind is racing. She looks back to Ether, and to the other two children, and even though she doesn’t even want to think it, she cannot help but to wonder, Who is their mother? Do you love her? Why are you here? She doesn’t step towards him the way that she usually would have, his words and his departure still so fresh in her mind; an open wound that had never even begun to heal. There are so many things she wants to ask him, but not here, in front of so many young eyes and ears. Instead, all she can do is say the one thing has been persistent in her mind, the one thought that she simply could not let go of, ”You left, before I was ever able to explain anything.” Her eyes, now glittering with the tears that she won’t let fall, look in turn at all three of the children that were so clearly his, and there is a tremor in her voice when she says, ”Your children are beautiful, though. They look like you.” BRISEIS underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside, I've been holding back for the fear that you might change your mind @[Ether] RE: here we are in the heart of the darkness; Briseis - Ether - 01-30-2019 Golden eyes watching our every move He hadn't meant to come to her. Not like this (never like this), but there is no taking back what is done. Haunt couldn't have known they might cross paths with the only horse in all of Beqanna that could cause him such instant heartache. A pit is hollowed into his stomach as he watches them, that vise squeezing his chest until he fears his ribcage might shatter. ether RE: here we are in the heart of the darkness; Briseis - Briseis - 01-30-2019 little do you know how I'm breaking while you fall asleep, little do you know I'm still haunted by the memories, little do you know I'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece She remembers that day in the meadow, when it had felt like the entire earth had split and created a rift between them. There had been no way to know that they were both jumping to conclusions, that their own imaginations were tearing apart something that should have been the beginning of something perfect and eternal. She still didn’t realize how confusing her words had been to him, without any context to explain what she had meant. And now, looking at him and his children, she can only assume that he had left because there was someone else. Perhaps someday she would learn to not make assumptions. Haunt invites Misfit to play, but she can see the way her son looks up at her, a little reluctant to leave her side. With her black muzzle she reaches down to pull him close for a moment, murmuring into the soft fur near his ear, ”You should go play. Just don’t go far.” She does her best to keep her voice light, knowing that if she let even a trace of apprehension creep through that he wouldn’t go. Even though she didn’t really want him to go, she knew it wasn’t fair to keep him nearly chained to her side, and that he needed interaction with others his own age. With a gentle nudge and an encouraging smile from her end, he finally follows Haunt, and the pair are soon joined by the filly. She can feel the heavy weight of the tension that lingers between her and Ether, especially with three of the children gone, and the other now curled to the ground. When she looks at the little colt, clearly weaker than his siblings, it makes her heart clench, and for a moment she forgets everything else when she asks Ether with the concern evident in her voice, ”Is he okay?” The motherly part of her wants to reach over and touch him, but she refrains; he’s not her child, after all, and perhaps whoever Ether was with didn’t want some stranger hovering over her son. He asks her what it had been that she had wanted to explain, and she can already feel herself inwardly withdrawing. She had thought that by finally telling Leilan that perhaps it would be easier a second time, but now, with those haunting golden eyes within her line of sight, the very thought of it was choking her. ”The mistake that I had made,” She begins, her voice painfully soft, as though if she were to whisper it that it would somehow be less humiliating. ”Was being alone in the forest and attracting the wrong attention.” He isn’t looking at her, but she is watching him, her eyes sweeping across the familiar lines and angles of his face; that same face she had dreamed about before her nightmares chased it away. ”Misfit doesn’t know who his father is, and I hope he never finds out how he came to be.” Her gaze drifts back to her blue-pointed son, the tears once again stinging her eyes and the back of her throat, ”It’s not his fault his mother is a fool and his father is a monster.” When she looks back at Ether, there is something so entirely empty and detached in her stare, almost looking through him and not at him, even though every word she utters is of complete sincerity, ”I would choose you, every single time, if given the choice.” Even though her voice is still quiet, even though the words are laced with an almost intangible anguish, they seem to ring hollow when they leave her lips, dropping like shards of glass from her mouth, ”Tunnel didn’t give me a choice that night. And I hope every day that Misfit is nothing like him.” BRISEIS underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside, I've been holding back for the fear that you might change your mind RE: here we are in the heart of the darkness; Briseis - Ether - 02-01-2019 Golden eyes watching our every move She’s so incredibly beautiful, her face alight with maternal love and encouragement as she nudges her son to play. When she turns her gaze to Harbinger curled in a gentle sleep nearby, there is nothing but heartfelt concern in the lovely lines of her face. It does nothing to expel the deep-rooted longing in his heart, or the soul-wrenching ache that watching her brings. At the understanding of what might have been. ether RE: here we are in the heart of the darkness; Briseis - Briseis - 02-03-2019 little do you know how I'm breaking while you fall asleep, little do you know I'm still haunted by the memories, little do you know I'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece She can almost see the way her words slowly begin to sink in, like a puzzle gradually falling into place as he pieces them together. There is heat rising to her cheeks, and as the reality settles in around both of them, she finds that she can no longer meet his eyes. She doesn’t know why the entire incident has caused her to feel nothing but shame; shame that she hadn’t recognized danger immediately, shame that she had not ran, shame that she had not fought back harder. Even though he hadn’t meant for it to happen, Ether disappearing had only further cemented that she had done something wrong; that something was wrong with her, that she had been defiled and therefore was now unwanted. She knew it wasn’t what had happened; she knew that she had a terrible habit of wording things wrong and not explaining things correctly, but the fact that he had disappeared into his shadow world without giving her a chance to explain still stung. And even though his children were beautiful, and she would never hold anything against them, the very thought of him touching someone else the same way that he had touched her was almost more unbearable than the physical trauma she had already endured. Her eyes finally lift to his again at his pained apology, and she instinctively whispers, ”It’s okay,” even though nothing felt okay. She didn’t blame him, and she hadn’t blamed him this entire time. She had just missed him. She knew he didn’t belong to her, that even if they had shared a night of indescribable passion, that it didn’t mean anything, in the grand scheme of things. No matter how badly she wanted it to. But something in him shifts; something in his eyes grow dark, his entire demeanor changing in half a heartbeat. For a moment she grows tense, flinching just slightly at the sight of his rage, even though she knows it’s not directed at her. But when he turns to go, there is a panic that grips her heart, and immediately she moves forward, and she fills the empty space between them with her body. ”Ether, don’t,” she can feel her skin warming when she touches him, reaching to press her nose into his neck, and she is trembling at being so close to him again. ”Please don’t leave again,” There is a plea to her voice, almost desperate, when she curls her lithe body around the front of him, and she whispers dismally, ”I know you have someone else, but I don’t want you to go. Not even to find Tunnel.” She sounds stupid and pathetic, and even though she can hear herself, she suddenly can’t stop. The smooth plain of her cheek rests itself against his neck, her heart thudding erratically as she murmurs into his cool skin, ”Stay. Please.” BRISEIS underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside, I've been holding back for the fear that you might change your mind RE: here we are in the heart of the darkness; Briseis - Ether - 02-04-2019 Golden eyes watching our every move For what is only moments and an eternity at the same time, he knows only the rage in his heart, fueled by the anguish of her confession. Knows only the desire to permanently removed the thing that had dare harmed her. That would touch her without permission. For the first time in his life, he understands the predator he had been made into. Knows why his teeth are now sharp and his footsteps silent. ether RE: here we are in the heart of the darkness; Briseis - Briseis - 02-05-2019 little do you know how I'm breaking while you fall asleep, little do you know I'm still haunted by the memories, little do you know I'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece The single word, mine, is pressed possessively into her flesh, and her reaction when it is uttered from his tongue, and not Tunnel’s, is entirely different. She does not withdraw, and the heat that races to the top of her skin is not out of fear, as her mouth finds the familiar slope of his shoulder and her whispered reply is almost lost against him, ”Yours.” She doesn’t realize how true it is until she has said it, but the weight of such veracity is enough to leave her feeling weak. He had tamed the feral parts of her without even trying, without even meaning to, and she was powerless to stop it. As the tension slowly recedes from his body, she does not move. She had been waiting with stilled breath for him to say something — anything — in reference to what she had said earlier, about having someone else. She had steeled herself for what she was certain would be the truth, had been preparing for it as soon as she had seen him. But she couldn’t look at him while she waited, and so she stood with her forehead still resting against his neck, her incredible stillness betraying the way her heart is jumping. There isn’t anyone else, and that’s not the answer she had been expecting. When she pulls away, it is only to cautiously meet his golden eyes, studying him closely, as though she could break into his mind and strip it down until she knew if he was lying or not. Her eyes drift to the small colt still curled on the ground, and then over to the other two as they played with her own son. When she looks back to him, with tentative acceptance, she says nothing, and only nods her head. Even though she had not left much space between them, it still felt like too much, and in half a step her lips are against his cheek, and then softly traveling downward until they rest against is jaw. ”I missed you. I waited, and you never came back.” If it weren’t for the thick, unmistakable sorrow in her voice, it would be easy to think that she was angry with him. She wasn’t, and she never had been. She was navigating something she did not understand, and she had told herself repeatedly she could not miss something that had never been hers to begin with. BRISEIS underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside, I've been holding back for the fear that you might change your mind RE: here we are in the heart of the darkness; Briseis - Ether - 02-07-2019 Golden eyes watching our every move Yours. The word whispers through every fiber of his being, filling him with electric hope that he hadn’t destroyed everything between them. That he hadn’t made her fear him entirely. That perhaps, one day, she may even forgive him for his weaknesses, for his failure. ether RE: here we are in the heart of the darkness; Briseis - Briseis - 02-09-2019 little do you know how I'm breaking while you fall asleep, little do you know I'm still haunted by the memories, little do you know I'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece The moment his lips touch her skin, it is as though her heart releases a breath, a sigh of relief. The pain that was accumulated over the several months since he had left, when he had retreated into his world where she could not follow, slowly began to dissipate; the confusion, and the loneliness that had echoed inside her ribcage ever since then, cautiously following suit. Something about his touch, light and skimming across her skin, manages to fill every hollow spot his absence had left, and not even she understands why she forgives so quickly, or why the open wounds seem to suddenly heal so easy. She doesn’t question it. She doesn’t want to know if it’s wrong to immediately forgive him; she doesn’t want to wonder if the damage is irreparable, and perhaps she is just caught up in the moment. The strange thing about Ether, however, is he always made her act so completely out of character; he had been able to breach every wall and storm his way into her heart and her mind, and without even trying. He had been different from the beginning, and she was still so desperately clinging to what could be. Almost involuntarily, she leans into his touch, and she can feel that relentless longing she has been pushing aside in his absence slowly being stoked alive once more. But she carefully buries it deeper, even though she doesn’t move away from him. He has grown suddenly quiet after what she has said, and the heat the rises in her skin is something closer to fear, that she has said or done something wrong. When he finally speaks, his words are almost as quiet as the silence within his shadows, and she can feel her heart stutter in her chest. ”What do you mean?” He can not possibly be referring to now — this was entirely on accident. He hadn’t been looking for her, and the look on his face when their eyes had met had proven that. She can feel her heart constricting in her chest, but she slowly dares to ask anyway, “If you came back, why didn’t you say anything?” And still, there is no resentment in her voice; just a muted ache, a twinge of confusion, on how he had to have seen her suffering and said nothing. Her throat begins to burn, and this time when the tears blur her eyes, she cannot stop them. They slide in warm paths down her cheeks, and even though she feels like she is breaking apart on the inside she still can’t pull away from him. With her face still laying against his neck she doubts he will notice, save for the way her body trembles in her attempt to ward the pain and tears away. ”I’m not mad, I just...needed you.” A broken confession, and something she had been afraid to admit to herself, until now. BRISEIS underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside, I've been holding back for the fear that you might change your mind |