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I will be your sword and shield; any - Brazen - 06-26-2019 cold in the violence after the war It feels as though with each passing day the confines of Nerine grow smaller and smaller. Of course, that could simply be because she had now managed to trace over every inch of the rocky cliffs and flat, grassy plateaus in her daily runs (sometimes twice or thrice daily). It’s easy then, to begin expanding her circle. To find new landscape to breeze over as she attempts to force her body to forget it’s limitations. Brazen you can forgive and i won't forget - lilliana - 07-04-2019 It had been a relatively easy thing to leave. The action itself had been rather simple. After making the decision and with her mother's blessing, Lilli had left home early one morning and simply kept going in the direction the silver mare had pointed to. The decision had been agonzing and heartwrenching. It had taken the crimson girl days to make her mind up but once she had, Lilli had set those blue eyes in Beqanna's direction and had spent months making the journey. Her thoughts often went to her family - she wondered if her mother had become swallowed by the mists on the mountain and if her father had ever come to claim his dappled mate. She wondered about her sisters and her brothers, about the children they had and she wonders about Orani and sweet Jacob.
She misses them all. Lilli had known she would. Her family had defined her whole world since she took her first steps. They had been her protectors and secretkeepers and playmates in a herd that lacked foals her own age. She had grown up knowing her family was everything and that without them, she was nothing. Leaving them had been easy. It has been the living without them that has been hard. There have been times when she wants to turn around. Even now, after she has come to Beqanna and has tried to formulate some kind of plan for the coming days (where will she go? what will she do?), the call to return to the land she had been born to has been strong. The thought of starting over, of beginning again is both exciting and terrifying. The possibilities seem endless and it is exactly for that reason that it threatens to overwhelm her.
The chestnut mare has made a temporary home in the common lands of Beqanna. From her limited knowledge of the land, it had seemed the safest choice to make. But Lilli hated the lingering. She hated the state of being inbetween, of belonging to nothing and nowhere. Her blue eyes scan through the pillars of trees. She stands quietly in the shade, alone with only her thoughts. Not for the first time, she wishes for Elaina and her decisiveness. If the golden mare were here, she would make Lilli choose. There would be none of this wishing and longing and regretting. She has done this once before, she reminds herself bitterly. She had waited and waited and he never came. So what was she waiting for now?
Make up your mind, she thinks through clenched teeth. Nobody was coming for her. There was nothing for her in Beyond. She reminds herself of that again and again. There were ghosts and unfufilled promises. To have stayed would have condemned herself to living in the shade of things that would never be. So Lilli moves forward and moves through the cathedral of greenery around her. The crimson girl weaves in and out of the trees, trying to find a trail or path that might lead her to something. But the path remains wild and instead of finding something, she finds someone. She sees the dark form ahead, the smell of sweat and exertion carrying downwind to where the chestnut slows and finally stands, studying the uniqe young mare ahead of her. Her own silver-blue gaze takes in the bone armor, flicks over the youthful form and Lilli grows intrigued. Beqanna it seemed had no lack of exceptional individuals.
"Hello," comes the soft sound from Lilli, a gentle greeting. The young mare takes another step towards the filly, interested in this newcomer. "What brings you out here?" She wants to take another step forward but decides against it, not wanting to chase away the only horse she has seen in days. "I'm still figuring this place out," the young mare adds, as if it will explain her own existence out in these woods. "I'm Lilli. What's your name?"
brazen RE: I will be your sword and shield; any - Brazen - 07-26-2019 cold in the violence after the war It’s tempting, at times, the thought of leaving home. Of letting her feet find new, untrodden earth and never looking back. But she knows she would never leave. Beqanna has too much of a hold on her. Too many friends and family and memories all wrapped irrevocably together. She is not nearly so duty bound as her mother or tied to past heartaches as her father, but she is still tied here all the same. Brazen RE: I will be your sword and shield; any - lilliana - 07-27-2019 She had agonized over that decision. It had haunted her waking thoughts and prevented her from sleeping at night, staying at the back of her mind where it had been planted. Lilli can’t remember when the thought had first come to her, only that it had been left to fester and linger as she tried her best to proceed with her day to day life, while she attempted to pretend that everything was okay and life continued in an endless cycle as always. She had smiled and laughed, had tossed her pretty head to the wind and tried to pretend that the troubles that had settled around them didn’t bother her. RE: I will be your sword and shield; any - Brazen - 07-31-2019 cold in the violence after the war Brazen could not pretend to be a lynchpin for her family. No, she is not someone who keeps anyone together, not even those she loves. She is too wild, her feet too itchy, much too eager to shake familiar dust from her hooves. As unorthodox as her family is, she knows, in the end. It’s truly her mother. The woman who seems to see everything. She knows far too well that she could, at any moment, be watching her. Knows that had she need of her, she had only to whisper the words into the wind. Brazen RE: I will be your sword and shield; any - lilliana - 08-02-2019 She had been so small, spindle-legged and petite. Lilli can remember her mother’s embrace after another long night of Aletta being absent and talking with her stars. She can remember the silver mare murmuring words into her dainty ears, telling her how beloved she was, how precious and cherished she was. It became a ritual between mother and daughter. Aletta would be gone most nights, leaving a cool space next to the place she should have been sleeping. Lilli would curl her little body against Brielle or Jay, seeking the comfort of their warmth and the solidity and presence of their bodies. But as the sun would start to rise and light the sky, as the night would rescind its black hold, Aletta would come and wrap herself around her little girl, whispering those sweet words in her ears as Lilli would intertwine herself up in her silver mother. She sometimes still hears those gentle words and can recall Aletta’s soft voice coming loving and warm in the early hours of dawn. My little grace, she would murmur. My saving grace, she would tell her blue-eyed girl. And Lilli knew that there was nothing she wanted more in the world than to make her mother happy, to have her say those words. She would snuggle closer, content with warmth and happiness thinking that there was no one greater in the world than her mother. All these years later, Lilli still thinks that. Her mother had forsaken one home and had intended to see the world. Instead, she had met a blue-eyed stranger, a Guardian who had smiled at her beneath a winter sky and changed everything the silver mare had ever wanted. Out of that bond came Lilli and her siblings, five children who had been nurtured and loved and cherished. Lilli had found herself wanting to be the balm and trying to be the glue that held them together even when everything around them fell apart. Lilli tried and tried, pouring her heart into doing what she could to make her mother and the rest of her family happy. At the time, it was all she had ever wanted. But the world can be a cruel and harsh place. As much as Lilli tried to keep her family together in the face of adversity, changes beyond her control broke them apart. And as Lilli has gotten older, she has learned that is the natural way of the world. She might have offered some comfort for a time but eventually, things would change as they inevitably do. Malachi, her eldest brother who held on to the promise he made their father, came to accept that at some point, his mother and sisters would become beyond his protection. Their mother always had a mind of her own and it had been only fitting that the decisions she made came on her terms, refusing to bend to the will of anyone else (including her children). Even with the changing times and this new, strange place, it is stranger still for Lilli not to belong somewhere. It is strange to not have a family surrounding her, nieces and nephews clamoring for a game or story, her brother and his mate nearby, to know that her mother is no longer with a days’ traveling distance. Any advice, anything she might need, anything she might do for them is now completely beyond her reach. The chestnut takes an immediate liking to Brazen. Perhaps it's due to her already open nature, the way she greets Lilli as if she more than a passing acquaintance. Brazen comes into her life just when she needs her and this bright light she brings, beaming and radiant in her kindness to the young mare who still feels so lost in this strange place that holds so much mystery and magic. Something Brazen’s laughter eases Lilli and the mare feels her smile broaden, those blue eyes becoming warmer with each lilting tone that comes from the roan filly. She speaks her thoughts about the Dale out loud and as Brazen’s pleasant smile fades, Lilli feels her heart drop. She wonders if she has said something wrong if mentioning the Dale is something that shouldn’t be spoken of. Her expression mirrors her new companions and then her gaze follows, almost eagerly, to the trees (as if there might be secrets hidden there) where Brazen glances. The next words that come out are both a relief and yet disappointing. Hope had built up in her chest for just a minute, rising enough to make its fall felt. The stories she has been told are so old and ancient that it seems foolish to her now to think that anything would be left of the Neutral Mythic kingdom. Just when Lilli thinks the whole idea a futile and silly idea, Brazen offers another idea. The brightness comes back to Lilli’s face, illuminates her blue eyes that look to Brazen’s own and she grins. ”Really?” The words come hurriedly (and a little breathless with excitement), ”If you think she wouldn’t mind, I would love to hear what she knows.” Just when her hopes have almost been dashed against the rocks, here comes Brazen with another course to take. There is a bold, almost brash manner to the fellow chestnut that puts Lilli in mind of Elaina. There are some similarities there, enough for Lilli to admire them and to make a comparison between the two. Her grin is reckless, impish even as she replies. ”Please,” says Lilli as she dips her head in playful anticipation, ”lead the way.” Even if this is a mistake (though how could it be with company such as Brazen?), Lilli had a feeling that it would be anything but boring. @[Brazen] RE: I will be your sword and shield; any - Brazen - 08-12-2019 cold in the violence after the war It’s so incredibly natural, the friendly companionship that settles between them, that one might believe they had been friends for ages rather than acquaintances of only a few moments. The brightening of Lilli’s features brings an ease to Brazen’s demeanor that has her relaxing in the other woman’s company. Though the bone-armored girl had always been an open and friendly soul, there is something distinctly more comforting in having the sentiment returned, no matter how minor such a thing might seem. Brazen RE: I will be your sword and shield; any - lilliana - 08-17-2019 Where has Brazen come from? Lilli has felt so lost and Beqanna has felt so big for so long that when the roan mare finds her, she is a lifeline just when the enormity of this place and its inhabitants threaten to swallow her. The connections, the histories, the sheer size of this land make this whole idea of trying to find a piece of the Dale seems like a fool's errand. It probably is and anybody else that might have heard her idea may have told her so. But the Forbidden Dale is the only thing she has to go on, the last remaining fragment that Lilli has to her family. A family that she isn't quite ready to let go of yet. She hasn't quite figured out what she will do if and when she can discover any ties to the Dale but Lilliana hopes that finding some answers might ease the ache that still burns at the edges of her soul. As for the rest of her problems, well, there is no way to rectify those wrongs. They are entirely her crosses to bear. She can't help herself when she beams back at Brazen. She can't help the way her blue eyes shine and the way her expression hangs off almost every word that the roan mare says. Brazen's words come so easily, come so freely and Lilli finds her own emotions unrestrained, so giving in the face of such kindness. She can't help herself - what Brazen gives, Lilli returns in tenfold. Her laughter bubbles out with her newfound friend and the grin that widens is perhaps a touch reckless. Where has Brazen come from? Here Lilli has been wishing and hoping and when her reserves have almost dwindled, when the wandering and the wondering have drained her, Brazen renews her with a few words. In these moments, the mare is truly a gift and Lilli is beyond thankful for her. "Thank you," Lilli says back, unable to find any other words suitable. "What is your mother like?" Lilli teases back, her own blue eyes reflecting back at Brazen with impish delight. Her face warms and Lilli thinks of Aletta then, her fierce wildness, her pride, her determination. In her mind, the Queen of Paraiso is as real as she has ever been. A half-smile lingers and Lilli adds, "I never got very far from mine. I swear she knew every time my cousin and I even thought of anything that might not meet her approval." It's easy to remember Aletta then, her fire and her pride. It seems like a lifetime ago and an eon ago since she has seen her dam like that. Her expression softens, wistful with memory and gentle with love for the silver mare. Her blue eyes rest on Brazen, attentive to hear what she has to say. It is Brazen's next question, while it doesn't cause Lilli pain, it does cause her to falter. The smile stiffens, the expression suddenly ripples and changes. Lilliana won't embellish a tale and she certainly won't lie but she isn't above being evasive. She isn't shy about leaving the past where it belongs. But for some reason, herewith Brazen, Lilli decides to share the truth. There is a pause as Lilli searches for the words, as she tries to find the right way to say this and to find the strength to bring these words to life. It will cost her something but for Brazen and to learn of the Forbidden Dale, she will pay it. "There was someone," she says carefully. A small exhale and while the smile fades, her eyes search out for Brazen as a source of strength, as if the armor that covers her new friend might offer Lilli some shelter from the pain she bears. "There was someone that I cared about," she says from a place far away, from the place where memories and regret dwell. Her eyes glaze over and for a minute, she can't focus on Brazen. She loses herself into memories of the Pass, of Broch's teasing smile that had lit her up like a candle, to the warmth of his blue eyes as they sought out her own. "And he cared about me," she says from the void of memories. It is an aching, haunted, painful expression of loss that claims Lilli before she can look to Brazen again. She is about to say, it is my fault. It's my fault. But the words hang on the edge of her tongue and Lilli remembers that for all her sins, she was not the final nail in Broch's demise. "It didn't work out," she adds numbly as if that is the simple explanation for everything. She doesn't mention Culloden's loss or what became of her silver mother on the ridge. She doesn't say anything about Malachi and his family. She doesn't say anything more about Broch and how she wonders how after all this time why she is so easily left behind. It is an answer that she is sure that has been given over and over again. History is littered with rejected and unrequited loves, with heartbreaks and losses. Hers should be no different. She is no different. And Lilli wants to say how badly she hopes that finding a piece or a place like the Dale might be the thing she needs to move forward. She blinks and tries to banish Broch's ghost, tries so hard at this moment to prove that she can keep going forward. "I'm sorry," she murmurs and Lilli can feel those exposed edges, those parts of her that are still so raw and hurting that she works so hard to hide. It takes a moment and had it been anyone else besides the roan mare, Lilli would have tried to hide in the shadows. But instead, she looks to Brazen, unsure of her reaction and Lilli tries again. "My family called the Forbidden Dale home once. I thought.. maybe.." she searches again, the words catching in her throat. She exhales and refusing to break, she adds while looking genuinely to Brazen: "It seemed like a good place to start." @[Brazen] i'm sorry you got emotional Lilli RE: I will be your sword and shield; any - Brazen - 09-17-2019 cold in the violence after the war If Lilli had asked that question of Brazen, she’s not entirely sure she’d know how to answer. Of course, the technically correct answer would be her mother and Nerine, but really, that’s not the answer that was needed. As it were, she likely wouldn’t know. Would’ve been flummoxed as she tried to summon a response that seemed adequate. Brazen RE: I will be your sword and shield; any - lilliana - 09-19-2019 She regards Brazen beneath her crimson lashes, her eyes search the blue ones of her companion. They have slowed their walking and both of the young mares come to an eventual stop. They are alike in their coloring, both fire-bright and flame-kissed. They share blue eyes that stand out so vibrantly against their chestnut coats. And it would seem they share even more in common. Had the conversation ventured that way, Lilliana would have shared her similar experiences with Brazen. She would have told she knows what it is to be raised by a parent who has to weigh both the responsibility of a realm and a family. She could tell her she knows what a perilous balancing task it can be. While her mother hadn't been cold or distant, Aletta had been focused and driven. She had a purpose and that purpose woke her before the dawn and kept her long after dusk. A herd of abandoned mares and young foals, the eldest colts among them not even three, meant that Aletta worked tirelessly to secure her borders and her home. It meant that as soon as Lilliana could trot, she was accompanying her mother on visits to the others to make sure that the families torn apart by war were adapting as best they could and short of bringing their loved ones back, there was nothing more Aletta could do avail their troubles. It was here Lilliana learned how to be a balm. She learned how to soothe her mother, how to calm Brielle when her temper reared, how to tempt Malachi from his worries and how to prevent Jay from growing to serious. She learned then that her family was small, and that it was broken by the absence of her father, but she how she loved them, adored them. They were precious and dear because they were hers. Lilliana studies her companion as she grows quiet and her own eyes grow somber with concern. Brazen's half-smile spurs Lilli's small understanding one but she still wonders what has suddenly withdrawn her friend. A delicate ears flickers to her words and Lilliana reaches out to gently brush her dark muzzle against Brazen's shoulder, something that serves as apology and understanding. "Sometimes they don't know how to be anything else," a paltry offering to the armored mare's words. "What about your father?" she asks, half-teasing and half-hoping that perhaps Brazen's sire might be an entirely different story as she regains her stance. As the conversation drifts and moves away from the talk of parents and family, Lilliana reveals a little about her past. She doesn't mean too. Outside of Elaina, this is the most she has ever said about the whole ordeal to anyone. It's an olive branch of trust that she doesn't realize she is even offering yet, the first outreaching branch of friendship. Her first attempt at trust. There is something in Brazen that she recognizes, some part of her soul that feels that she already knows the young mare and this is perhaps the reason she says as much as does. There is empathy and kindness there, something that radiates from within Brazen and makes her beautiful and wonderful, that lights Brazen up like a candle. When she thinks that the mention of Broch will swallow and drown her, drag down into the well of emotion that she has so adamantly kept closed, she feels the tickling touch of Brazen's teeth against her fire gold coat and shocked, the crimson girl laughs. The anguish recedes in the glow of her friend's warmth and her affection for the young mare leaps and dances in her chest. How grateful she is for you, Brazen. "It's alright," comes her hushed reply. Lilliana is learning that her past will always be a hard topic. It will take acceptance and practice to bring herself to terms with it. But in moments like these, she is learning how to do that. But Lilliana is still unsure of herself. Confidence has always been something that she has sorely lacked and so she looks to Brazen now, hoping for some kind guidance on this topic. "Do you think this is foolish?" she asks honestly. She stills her body and the crimson coat grows taut over her slender form, apprehension dawning over every part of her. "I don't know what I'm doing," she admits (though that is not so hard to see), "or where to begin.". But she has to start somewhere. It might hurt. It might only bring her more despair. It's a consequence that she decides to accept. She has already lost her home, her family and whatever glimpses she saw of a future are long gone. Lilliana decides to trust her mettle because what else is there to lose now? It could be a gamble or nothing at all - but in the scheme of things, she finds herself ready to take a risk. "I'd like to know." Come what may, in the end, isn't it about the journey? And if the journey has brought her a friend in Brazen then perhaps the loss of the Dale is not so unbearable. LILLIANA i left home on account of snow (buried all the things i know) @[Brazen] hi yes be my friend pls |