[private] oh me oh my, i thought it was a dream... [lilli] - Printable Version +- Beqanna (https://beqanna.com/forum) +-- Forum: OOC (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=24) +--- Forum: Archive (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=81) +---- Forum: Lands (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=98) +----- Forum: Nerine (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=91) +------ Forum: Taiga (https://beqanna.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?fid=86) +------ Thread: [private] oh me oh my, i thought it was a dream... [lilli] (/showthread.php?tid=25740) |
oh me oh my, i thought it was a dream... [lilli] - Kagerus - 12-10-2019 K oh me oh my, i thought it was a dream... RE: oh me oh my, i thought it was a dream... [lilli] - lilliana - 12-14-2019 It shouldn't be so surprising that of all places in Beqanna to call home, Lilliana has chosen Taiga (perhaps Taiga chose her, who knows). It might not be a realm full of wildflowers or fierce warrior women. It might not be the Dale, the setting for so many of the stories she had been told as a filly. It might not be the rolling foothills of Loess or Ischia with its heavenly beaches and even lovelier nereids. Even though Hyaline has a tender spot (for several reasons) in her beating heart, it is Taiga that is held firmly within her chest. Time has nurtured a loyalty in the auburn mare and Lilliana intends to repay this forest in every way she possibly can. It had been a girl who had stumbled across Kagerus lying in the river; it is a woman who wanders through the mists now. The curves have fulfilled the promise of the lovely creature she would become and the light in her eyes burns a little brighter, more determined to drive out the shadows that a flame creates. The girl who had found Kagerus hadn't known her place yet, hadn't yet discovered her bearings on a world that remained shrouded in mystery. The woman who walks through the fog of Taiga knows exactly where she is in this place, knows exactly the ground she walks on and knows this is precisely where she belongs. It shouldn't be surprising that Lilliana, who cradles a dreamers' heart beneath her ribs and who sees the world with wishing eyes, calls the Taiga her home. In this fog, it blurs the lines of the outside world. It softens all of those angry, jagged edges that life would otherwise drag along all of their hearts. (Bleeding hearts can be eased and comforted inside this forest. Serrated edges will find no purchase in this territory, at least that is what she dreams). The world doesn't need to be so hard in Taiga, so complicated. Ah, but those are certainly lofty aspirations and Lilliana knows that. She only needs to look inwardly to know how convoluted life can become. So it's much easier if she doesn't look inward. Instead, she focuses all her energy on the outward, on the physical because Taiga is a tangible thing and that counts for everything in a world that can shift so quickly - where kingdoms crumble and allegiances shatter and life changes too fast for a soul to really recover. (It is entirely too easy to drown when the waters of change go from a trickle to a torrent.) Lilliana likes to wonder in the fog. She likes to imagine the iridescence of Smidgen's wings as they hit sunlight; the silver light that pools of Tyr's star as he shares a secret. In this in-between place, Lilli likes to go between the trees and tries to find the places where sunbeams intertwine with the mist. There is magic in the places they meet, she has always thought. Light and unknown coming together to make their own dawn, creating possibilities where there had only been uncharted and undiscovered shadows before. It's fitting that this is where the dreamweaver and the crimson woman discover each other again. It is a call, a familiar one that she has heard in the illusions and softness of her dreams, that parts through the fog. Lilliana stops her imagining and turns her attention towards the direction that the cry had pierced from. "Kagerus?" comes a hopeful answer, dancing through the clouds and the pines. Her crimson ears prick ahead and Lilli continues forward, propels herself through the swirling mists towards the overo mare. When a bay shape illuminates through the fog, her features brighten with recognition and a pleasing sensation presses against the shadows of her soul, floods it with light: relief. The Kagerus she had encountered had been sick, troubled. This version who stands here is healthy, is whole and Lilliana feels happiness as it brushes and pulses against her tender heart. She has found Solace then; they are two halves of the same circle again. Despite the pale light, Lilli beams against it. The crimson woman smiles whole-heartedly. "Kagerus," she breathes. "I've missed you," the Taigan admits. "And your dreams." Her elation crinkles at the corner of her blue eyes, curves the tenderness of her heavenward smile as it lifts towards those dreams that the dreamweaver creates. "You are well? And Solace?" @[Kagerus] RE: oh me oh my, i thought it was a dream... [lilli] - Kagerus - 12-16-2019 K oh me oh my, i thought it was a dream... @[lilliana] RE: oh me oh my, i thought it was a dream... [lilli] - lilliana - 12-18-2019 Kagerus laughs as an offering to their friendship and it leaves Lilli breathless with joy; only the dreamweaver could do this to her. She might have pulled a half-drowned mare from the river that day but Lilliana has long considered that it was Kagerus who had saved her. Grief had rendered her numb and she had been hiding beneath a frozen smile. It was Kagerus who pulled out all those aching places of her soul and had shown Lilliana that things could be okay.
That worlds could collapse and fall apart and come together again.
That sometimes what rose from the ashes was stronger than what was incinerated.
What Lilli sees now as she is embraced by the bay overo mare is proof of that. Kagerus had been half a soul then, a partly weightless thing that was missing some essentiality (her heart, she had later learned). The dreamweaver had been forced to be corporeal when it would have been so much easier to remain as something abstract. This dimension, this plane of living, can be so hard. Too hard.
As the copper mare buries herself into the touch of her friend, she is so glad to see that Kagerus had fought back.
The sound of her laughter ripples underneath her copper coat and it radiates warmth to every corner of her. It brightens her gaze as they pull away and Lilliana takes one step back to soak in the presence of the painted woman before her. Kagerus tells her that she is mending, getting stronger by the day; her returned health is blessing and Lilli smiles in appreciation of it. She is about to tell her again how good it is to see her, how pleased she is that she is doing well when the presence of another draws her attention away.
The chestnut mare looks to see a feline creature come beside Kagerus before it shifts. Like a cloud, it changes shapes and concern lines Lilliana's features as she looks back to her companion. Kagerus is crafting something and the Diplomat watches, mystified. Beqanna and her magic - it seemed something so infinite to her still. A proud set of antlers are crafted in the mist and the overo mare adorns them like a crown; fitting, Lilliana thinks, for as noble a woman as Kagerus.
The painted woman grins and Lilliana stares, momentarily astonished. "So you don't just make dreams then?" she asks before the shock clears away from her blue eyes and the planes of her face light up with amusement. "Is there anything you can't do?" (Honestly, the Taigan mare doubts it.)
She listens with rapt attention, her ears forward and holds her attentive gaze on Kagerus before it softens. "I'm glad you found each other," she murmurs before subtly shaking her head. Whatever part she played in their reunion, she considers it a small one. Her weight shifts from one side to the other, unsure what to do with such a direct statement. (When does she ever know what to do with compliments?) At the playful jest that furrows Kagerus's brow, Lilliana merely grins: a wild, daring curve to her dark mouth. "I'm always in trouble," she teases, one of those half-truths she has learned from Leilan that comes out with a lilting laugh. Her copper head then inclines to the shadows of the looming trees that attempt to reach the sky, primordial giants crafted by the old gods of Beqanna. "I've been here.. learning Beqanna politics and trying to do what I can for Taiga." Recruiting. A few diplomatic missions. Anything to distract herself from the confusion she has created. "Is it always so.. precarious here?" And to think, she had missed the Plague and the Reckoning. @[Kagerus] RE: oh me oh my, i thought it was a dream... [lilli] - Kagerus - 02-09-2020 K oh me oh my, i thought it was a dream... RE: oh me oh my, i thought it was a dream... [lilli] - lilliana - 02-20-2020 Kagerus leans into her and Lilliana smiles easily, reassured by the familiarity of the former Caretaker and finding herself relaxing more for each moment spent in her company. It has always been uncomplicated with the dreamweaver and this time is no different than the others - Lilliana falls into a familiar stride with her, eager to show off the wonder that is the Taiga (where the fog rolls into play during the warmer months, where the trees are the proudest, where its rocky shore boasts a coastline that brings new secrets with each tide). Beqanna boasts many beautiful places, holds many treasured spots but for Lilliana this is home. And there is something special about sharing this place with Kagerus - perhaps one of the closest bonds she has made here. It’s a moment of pride - to show her the future she has been working towards and the place that she poured so much of herself into. The overo mare winks at her and Lilli laughs, girlish and blithe. Affection softens her gaze and warms the luminous smile that beams back at her. She looks very much like her old self - the one who wasn’t complicated and tangled and torn. For this moment, she is bright and vivacious and vibrant. Lilliana merely shakes her head, mirth illuminating behind her blue eyes. ”May the Winds help Beqanna if you ever decide to take up politics again.” There is a flash of something mischievous there, knowing full well of Kagerus’ history and the heights that she and Solace once accomplished. If they ever aspired too again, there is no doubt in her mind that they could. It’s a lingering thought that hangs in the back of her mind - wondering what Kagerus might have made of the current state of affairs in the East. (Another conversation for another day, perhaps.) Still, the thought of Hyaline twists at her heart. A longing writes itself on her face, a remembrance of what that place had once meant to her. It doesn’t last long and instead, Lilliana looks earnestly to the mare she considers a mentor, a maternal figure in her life. Kagerus - much like Neverwhere and Brazen and Velkan - is the closest thing she has to a semblance of a family and what the two-toned mare has to say is something that Lilliana heeds closely. Her companion laughs and Lilli feels the smile pausing a moment, wondering how much more of trouble she should allude to - both political and personal. She doesn’t mean to softly ask, ”Escape to where?” The chestnut mare shakes her head, still teasing, still playful but there is a hint of seriousness (and ache) when she adds, ”I’ve been running my entire life. I came to Beqanna to stop.” Beqanna had been her escape. And then there it is again - the axis of her world shifting. It's different from the way that it has happened before and yet familiar. She has been to this dimension before with Kagerus and Lilliana had illuminated everything she had ever loved to the dreamweaver. Whole cosmos and realities had been opened to her, a whole realm of possibilities and Lilli had only wanted the riverbend that taught her to laugh. The place where she had learned to trade secrets with the clouds and learned that a horse didn’t need wings to see the world from above. When the world shifts again, it is a fierce and empty ache that rips through her soul. It’s a haze and the figures haven’t yet been molded - they still wait for the command from Kagerus. But one, one doesn’t need to take shape. He is brave and noble and silver. He needs no shape or form - Lilliana would know him anywhere. The curve of his cheek is proud, the arch of his neck is august and even though the piercing darkness of his mocha eyes haven’t yet taken hold, Lilli can see them. Dark eyes that have sparkled with amusement. And his smile - it is a mirror shared between siblings, his had been so similar to her own. A lopsided grin that could ease the weight of the world on anyone’s shoulders. Malachi. The brother who had saved her so many times - who had taken her on patrols when there had been no playmates her age, who had told her ’keep a ready ear and easy smile’ when a yearling Lilliana hadn’t yet understood that those who had suffered might have barriers and walls to hide behind and who had comforted her when she had tried to understand why someone had hurt her beloved Orani, when someone took something she wasn’t ready to give. It had been him she had leaned into when she hadn’t understood the darkness. And there had been so much of it then. The world refuses to fully immaterialize and yet Lilli knows he is there, can feel it with every certainty that Kagerus uses to craft and create and dream. There is something else she knows too - another certainty she can feel with the weight of a gravity that keeps her standing in silence until she can no longer bear it. "What if you forget to dream?” she asks the creator, ”Does this still work?” And then she nearly chokes, her eyes shining with unshed tears and so many worries. With all the things that Lilliana realized she has been so terrified of. @[Kagerus] hi you get a novel and perhaps the most emotional i have ever seen her. enjoy. RE: oh me oh my, i thought it was a dream... [lilli] - Kagerus - 02-28-2020 K oh me oh my, i thought it was a dream... This is a MESS Evangelion has srsly been fucking me up and it shows......... enjoy @[lilliana] RE: oh me oh my, i thought it was a dream... [lilli] - lilliana - 02-29-2020 She had been terrified of thunderstorms. (There is a memory here - a memory of a copper child burrowing herself into the side of her silver mother. “Mama,” she had asked, “are the Gods angry with us?” Her mother had laughed at that - whatever the Gods had thought of her, Aletta had never cared. She had courted their anger before, perhaps inspired it. What other explanation was there for the events that came after? ”It is alright, sweeting.” The silver mare had whispered and then remembering speaks low before another rumble of thunder can interrupt them, "There are some things, Lillibird, that can only be learned in the unrest of a storm. Hold fast and it will pass.”) Lilliana hasn’t been scared of storms for a long time but when the lightning strikes, the copper skin on her quivers in anticipation for the barrel roll of thunder she knows that must come. But it doesn’t come. It does not come. There is only the hum - a triumvirate of shadows that sing in the shadows. The chestnut mare watches for a moment, fascinated and captivated by who the others might be for Lilliana only knows one. Her heart only knows the imprint of the one who stands by two of the others and in her heartbreak, it pulsates in sorrow. She could weep at the sight (not sight, for he isn’t really here) but even a figment of his ghost could bring her to her knees. She takes a step forward but the world cracks. It fragments in pieces and where Kagerus once stood is broken. There are shards of her around, a shell of the painted woman before the whole world goes black. Before there is only nothing. "@[Kagerus]!” she breaks, her voice finally collapsing against the void. In this place - in this abyss - Lilliana does the thing she doesn’t know how to do in the waking world. Some part of her breaks with Kagerus. She panics. She can’t breathe. There is a vice around her throat and it grips. It tightens and tightens as Lilliana tries to put herself back together. (How?) It is only the essence of warmth that pulls her back together; a gentle touch of her childhood home, Elena’s laughter, the memory of Jacob’s first wobbly steps, of screaming trees and Neverwhere, of pulling Kagerus from a river, of an armored girl as lost in this world as Lilli was. These things pull her back and her sides heave, gasping for air in a place that doesn’t exist. The world exists again and Lilliana leans into the form that solidifies beside her. She leans into an embrace as the world turns blue and green, as it regains shape under Kagerus’ masterful brushstrokes. "I’m sorry,” she chokes. She is finally asking questions and they are the wrong ones - in the wrong place. "I won’t.” And for as tentative as Lilliana is with her promises, she is not with this one. Her heart. Oh, her heart. When will she learn? Is there ever tempering Lilliana’s wildstorm heart? It rages and rampants; it burns and blazes. Are you ready for that? Her heart thunders. It hammers and she wonders if she is. She could choke herself on the truth of this, of where Kagerus wants to take them. She almost says no. She almost shakes her head until a silver and blue haze touches her shoulder. "He never let me make my own choices,” she murmurs gently. "He was always so adamant on keeping us safe but all I ever wanted was to make my own choice.” Those days are long gone. They are misty memories in her mind and yet as the haze lingers, there is precious little at that moment that Lilliana would give to bring him to life. To let the dreamweaver see and know him. There is, and only ever will be, one Malachi. Kagerus has a brother too. One of the humming men. "One of them was yours, weren’t they?” For a moment, she says nothing. This is all wrong. She wants to tell Kagerus that this is all wrong. But as Lilliana has known, for a long time now, there is no going back. There is no undoing the past. There is only ahead and that infinite future that lays waiting. "Will you stay with me? I don’t know-,” she stops herself with a breaking voice, "I don’t know how to do this, Kagerus.” And into the swirling world of color, where those two souls lay waiting in a future that is coming regardless, she looks to the painted mare. She is still waiting for the crack of thunder, she realizes but this time there is no terror. Lilliana takes a deep breath and the world changes, into hazes of pinks and purples. It fades to a place between twilight and dusk and how she knows.. how does she know? She holds her breathe because in the haze, not as phantasmal as the silver-blue ghost had been, but she hears them. Her heart knows them and she cradles it gently in her chest. Lilliana only catches herself by leaning into the former caretaker again because through the fog are the shades of two. Like the North and South of the River she follows, like the eternal pull of the tides (in and out), like a sun and moon, there is a balance playing before her eyes in the form of two foals. Her eyes are fever-bright as she takes in the retreating forms of the two boys. And as always, in response to so much emotion, Lilliana can only find a single word, "Oh." this post was brought to you by Guster and half a bottle of pinot. enjoy. RE: oh me oh my, i thought it was a dream... [lilli] - Kagerus - 03-14-2020 K oh me oh my, i thought it was a dream... @[lilliana] RE: oh me oh my, i thought it was a dream... [lilli] - lilliana - 03-22-2020 LILLIANA all that i'm after is a life full of laughter |