12-21-2020, 05:44 PM
despite the overwhelming odds, tomorrow came
The seconds ticked on, each one an eternity. And as I watched him, waited for my answer, I could feel everything. I could feel the wind gently playing with tendrils of blue mane against my neck. I could feel the warmth of the summer air. I could feel the tension that hangs in the air like static. I could feel the love for him that I still share. But most of all, I could feel the pain that had come of all this.
I stand there and allow him to spill his heart out, though it brings fresh waves of pain. He brings up Memorie, and as his gaze shifts to her, so too does mine. And although I appreciate the sentiment, it is not what I want to hear, because his relationship with her did not matter in my relationship to him. It should not factor into his desire to stay with me. Still, I wait. I wait until he is done, and then some.
How can I be his whole world? His world had just recently expanded to include three children for which his world should revolve around, too. And where did the other mare fit in? Surely, I couldn’t be his whole world. It makes his words feel like lies–like emptiness. In those seconds that follow, I feel like the whole world is on my shoulders. Breathing becomes difficult, a labor of love, if only for myself and the child that stands next to me.
Yet here he stands, professing to still love me, begging me to stay. And while I could find flaws in all of his words, they still have an impact on my heart. They still feel like steps to something that could eventually make me happy again. And so I wait.
I wait until my breaths have steadied once more. I wait until my heart is no longer trying to pound itself out of my chest. I wait until I feel like I can stand up straight and look him in the eye once more. His blue eyes stare back, pleading still etched into them. Memorie shares those eyes, along with so much more of him. I can’t help but wonder if a part of my love for her is what makes me believe that I still love him.
“I will stay.” I breathe. The weight seems to shift and then disappears. I am still hurt, but for now, things feel a little easier. It would take some time, and some work on @[Yanhua]’s part, but I would stay and try to make things work. “For now, though, I need time.” My heart would not heal overnight, but the world felt a little less lonely now than it had before.
With that, I turn from the stallion, and urging Memorie forward, I make my way back into the heart of the redwood forest.
I stand there and allow him to spill his heart out, though it brings fresh waves of pain. He brings up Memorie, and as his gaze shifts to her, so too does mine. And although I appreciate the sentiment, it is not what I want to hear, because his relationship with her did not matter in my relationship to him. It should not factor into his desire to stay with me. Still, I wait. I wait until he is done, and then some.
How can I be his whole world? His world had just recently expanded to include three children for which his world should revolve around, too. And where did the other mare fit in? Surely, I couldn’t be his whole world. It makes his words feel like lies–like emptiness. In those seconds that follow, I feel like the whole world is on my shoulders. Breathing becomes difficult, a labor of love, if only for myself and the child that stands next to me.
Yet here he stands, professing to still love me, begging me to stay. And while I could find flaws in all of his words, they still have an impact on my heart. They still feel like steps to something that could eventually make me happy again. And so I wait.
I wait until my breaths have steadied once more. I wait until my heart is no longer trying to pound itself out of my chest. I wait until I feel like I can stand up straight and look him in the eye once more. His blue eyes stare back, pleading still etched into them. Memorie shares those eyes, along with so much more of him. I can’t help but wonder if a part of my love for her is what makes me believe that I still love him.
“I will stay.” I breathe. The weight seems to shift and then disappears. I am still hurt, but for now, things feel a little easier. It would take some time, and some work on @[Yanhua]’s part, but I would stay and try to make things work. “For now, though, I need time.” My heart would not heal overnight, but the world felt a little less lonely now than it had before.
With that, I turn from the stallion, and urging Memorie forward, I make my way back into the heart of the redwood forest.
borderline
