05-03-2021, 03:19 PM
I don't know what I expected. Pity, maybe, but this cold indifference is less painful to bear. It's easier to navigate, to shore myself up against, when I know there's no compassion coming. Neglect twists into a strange kind of strength, when left long enough. My recipe for survival, in a nutshell.
My lapse begins to crystallize again at his rough words; Melting sugar left to dry again. My chest feels uncomfortably tight where it squeezes around the foreign object its grown around. Easily ignored, with practice. Instead I grunt and let my eyes prickle with unshed moisture, with every bit of rage and ruin that I've collected over the years forced back down.
"As if I do?" I ask dryly, mouth curling tight around the words as they escape me. It's reckless energy that infiltrates my blood now. Not the manic electricity that I burn with some days, but a low hum that says I have to act, or it will get worse. A threat made by my own existence. My joints creak as a shift from one leg to the other, a gentle rhythm that spends some of the energy. The rest I speak.
"So what's it to be: fighting? Fucking? A bit of both, maybe. That's why we're here, isn't it?" And my smile is fragmented and feral as it turns on him. "Searching and searching for that just-right combination that'll make forever worth seeing." I haven't found it yet. I doubt he has either. Eternity stretches on agonizingly slow when I know it's all I've got. The same sort of bored knowing reverberates in his sour tones, and I have little hope that we'll ever find what we're really looking for. Not before we're too far gone to recognize it.
Who knows, though. Forever is a long time, long enough for even the impossible to happen.
@[Ashhal]
My lapse begins to crystallize again at his rough words; Melting sugar left to dry again. My chest feels uncomfortably tight where it squeezes around the foreign object its grown around. Easily ignored, with practice. Instead I grunt and let my eyes prickle with unshed moisture, with every bit of rage and ruin that I've collected over the years forced back down.
"As if I do?" I ask dryly, mouth curling tight around the words as they escape me. It's reckless energy that infiltrates my blood now. Not the manic electricity that I burn with some days, but a low hum that says I have to act, or it will get worse. A threat made by my own existence. My joints creak as a shift from one leg to the other, a gentle rhythm that spends some of the energy. The rest I speak.
"So what's it to be: fighting? Fucking? A bit of both, maybe. That's why we're here, isn't it?" And my smile is fragmented and feral as it turns on him. "Searching and searching for that just-right combination that'll make forever worth seeing." I haven't found it yet. I doubt he has either. Eternity stretches on agonizingly slow when I know it's all I've got. The same sort of bored knowing reverberates in his sour tones, and I have little hope that we'll ever find what we're really looking for. Not before we're too far gone to recognize it.
Who knows, though. Forever is a long time, long enough for even the impossible to happen.
@[Ashhal]