04-08-2017, 04:25 PM
(This post was last modified: 04-08-2017, 04:27 PM by Disastardly.)
How did it keep getting more and more intense? Every time she touched him it felt a little more dangerous in this delicious, inescapable way that made her heart race out of control. Dangerous, because she was falling hard and fast...but it also felt so perfect, so safe, so right.
Even with the fear freezing his face to a blank stare, fighting to steal the breath from his lungs -- and she wasn’t blind enough to miss that, especially as nervous as she was about how he’d react -- even with the unexpected news that hey, he might have a kid on the way, he still took care of her. Settled on top of her, anchoring her with the weight of his body, the pressure steadying her, soothing her, relaxing her in ways she didn’t expect.
He always seemed to know exactly what she needed. Even before she knew it herself.
“Dizzy,” he murmured, and she melted beneath him, angling her head to give him better access to her neck. His breath on her skin, his lips, every touch felt like home. So safe, here in his arms. Somehow the rest of the world fell away, and all that mattered was him. The weight of him pressing into her, the scent of him surrounding her, mingling with hers, lingering on her skin, so goddamn right. She should always smell like him.
And then he asked the question she’d been wrestling with for weeks, the one she still couldn’t answer, as much as she hated herself for it. “What about Zoryn, Dizzy?” She closed her eyes, pressed her lips together to keep them from trembling. Took a couple of ragged breaths. And answered the best she could.
“I don’t know, Dov. I don’t know. I went to talk to him, after…” She met his endless black eyes, her own softening with affection as she remembered. After the last time she’d been with Dov. What had felt almost like the first time. The first time it was something real and breathtaking and so much more than just fucking him for the thrill of it, for the high, for a taste of him on her lips and the feel of him inside her, taking her over.
Though hell, that part was still pretty goddamn good too.
“After us, last time. I was maybe freaking out a little, and I wanted to talk to him, you know? It was so intense, so...god, just amazing, and I needed to, I don’t know, breathe? Convince myself it was...less...less everything. Well and tell him about the baby, which is all I really managed. He wanted...I mean, he touched me like he wanted more, you know? I thought it was just that I was tired. Or that maybe being pregnant changed things, changed what my body wanted, what I could do.”
She snorted. “Though I think we’ve proved me wrong on that one.”
Another deep breath, let out on a sigh. “I couldn’t, though. Couldn’t give him what he wanted, what I’d always wanted. Everything’s...god, Dov, everything’s different now, and I don’t know. I asked him to just hold me, and then...I just fucking ran like a coward, slipped away in the middle of the night to try to get some air, figure out what the fuck’s wrong with me. Haven’t figured out shit though. I miss my brother, and I’m fucking things up so hard there, and I just have no idea what to do. But every time I think of…” She groaned, pressed her forehead against his again. Solid, steady anchor, he was her anchor, god and she needed it.
“I love him. He’s my brother. My best friend. I’ve been there his whole life. And ever since I found out about the baby, I just...fuck, Dov, I just want to cuddle him. I thought the rest of me was broken or something, or shut off, some weird side effect, hormones or something, I don’t know. I don’t know, Dov, I don’t know anything anymore. Except that I’m hurting him, and I don’t know how to stop. I should find him. Talk to him. Try to...I don’t know, fix what’s broken, but I don’t know how.”
Way the fuck more than he needed to know. Probably a sentence or two would have been enough, instead of rambling on for ten minutes about her confusing relationship with some other guy, even if the other guy was one Dov had a history with too, hell, one they’d been with at the same time more than once. Fuck. Dizzy groaned. “Sorry. That’s...probably too much. Didn’t mean to...I don’t know.”
And thank fuck, he brought the conversation back to what she did want to talk about, what only he could tell her. What he wanted. He held her gaze, and calm washed over her, chasing away all the confusion and the anxiety and the worry over what she was doing to Zor. She could fix it. She could go back and find him and talk to him. Soon. Not today, not tomorrow, but soon. How did he do that? One look from those endless black eyes, one real, solid look all the way into her, and she found strength she didn’t know she had.
So she took a breath, and she listened.
“Okay, baby,” she murmured, reaching up to brush the hair out of his eyes, leaning in to kiss his cheek softly, so softly. “That’s okay. I don’t...Dov, I don’t expect to be the only thing in your life. Do what you need to do, love. Be where you need to be. But yes. Please. Come back to me, keep coming back to me. I’ll take you any chance I get.” God, she could look into his eyes forever, seeing so much more than she'd ever expected in those depths of endless black. “I meant it, Dov, I’m yours. You’re mine. I know you’ve got a life, baby, I wouldn’t expect you to give everything else up. Just keep coming home to me, okay? That’s all I need. That’s what I want, Dov. You, with me, whenever you can be.”
Even with the fear freezing his face to a blank stare, fighting to steal the breath from his lungs -- and she wasn’t blind enough to miss that, especially as nervous as she was about how he’d react -- even with the unexpected news that hey, he might have a kid on the way, he still took care of her. Settled on top of her, anchoring her with the weight of his body, the pressure steadying her, soothing her, relaxing her in ways she didn’t expect.
He always seemed to know exactly what she needed. Even before she knew it herself.
“Dizzy,” he murmured, and she melted beneath him, angling her head to give him better access to her neck. His breath on her skin, his lips, every touch felt like home. So safe, here in his arms. Somehow the rest of the world fell away, and all that mattered was him. The weight of him pressing into her, the scent of him surrounding her, mingling with hers, lingering on her skin, so goddamn right. She should always smell like him.
And then he asked the question she’d been wrestling with for weeks, the one she still couldn’t answer, as much as she hated herself for it. “What about Zoryn, Dizzy?” She closed her eyes, pressed her lips together to keep them from trembling. Took a couple of ragged breaths. And answered the best she could.
“I don’t know, Dov. I don’t know. I went to talk to him, after…” She met his endless black eyes, her own softening with affection as she remembered. After the last time she’d been with Dov. What had felt almost like the first time. The first time it was something real and breathtaking and so much more than just fucking him for the thrill of it, for the high, for a taste of him on her lips and the feel of him inside her, taking her over.
Though hell, that part was still pretty goddamn good too.
“After us, last time. I was maybe freaking out a little, and I wanted to talk to him, you know? It was so intense, so...god, just amazing, and I needed to, I don’t know, breathe? Convince myself it was...less...less everything. Well and tell him about the baby, which is all I really managed. He wanted...I mean, he touched me like he wanted more, you know? I thought it was just that I was tired. Or that maybe being pregnant changed things, changed what my body wanted, what I could do.”
She snorted. “Though I think we’ve proved me wrong on that one.”
Another deep breath, let out on a sigh. “I couldn’t, though. Couldn’t give him what he wanted, what I’d always wanted. Everything’s...god, Dov, everything’s different now, and I don’t know. I asked him to just hold me, and then...I just fucking ran like a coward, slipped away in the middle of the night to try to get some air, figure out what the fuck’s wrong with me. Haven’t figured out shit though. I miss my brother, and I’m fucking things up so hard there, and I just have no idea what to do. But every time I think of…” She groaned, pressed her forehead against his again. Solid, steady anchor, he was her anchor, god and she needed it.
“I love him. He’s my brother. My best friend. I’ve been there his whole life. And ever since I found out about the baby, I just...fuck, Dov, I just want to cuddle him. I thought the rest of me was broken or something, or shut off, some weird side effect, hormones or something, I don’t know. I don’t know, Dov, I don’t know anything anymore. Except that I’m hurting him, and I don’t know how to stop. I should find him. Talk to him. Try to...I don’t know, fix what’s broken, but I don’t know how.”
Way the fuck more than he needed to know. Probably a sentence or two would have been enough, instead of rambling on for ten minutes about her confusing relationship with some other guy, even if the other guy was one Dov had a history with too, hell, one they’d been with at the same time more than once. Fuck. Dizzy groaned. “Sorry. That’s...probably too much. Didn’t mean to...I don’t know.”
And thank fuck, he brought the conversation back to what she did want to talk about, what only he could tell her. What he wanted. He held her gaze, and calm washed over her, chasing away all the confusion and the anxiety and the worry over what she was doing to Zor. She could fix it. She could go back and find him and talk to him. Soon. Not today, not tomorrow, but soon. How did he do that? One look from those endless black eyes, one real, solid look all the way into her, and she found strength she didn’t know she had.
So she took a breath, and she listened.
“Okay, baby,” she murmured, reaching up to brush the hair out of his eyes, leaning in to kiss his cheek softly, so softly. “That’s okay. I don’t...Dov, I don’t expect to be the only thing in your life. Do what you need to do, love. Be where you need to be. But yes. Please. Come back to me, keep coming back to me. I’ll take you any chance I get.” God, she could look into his eyes forever, seeing so much more than she'd ever expected in those depths of endless black. “I meant it, Dov, I’m yours. You’re mine. I know you’ve got a life, baby, I wouldn’t expect you to give everything else up. Just keep coming home to me, okay? That’s all I need. That’s what I want, Dov. You, with me, whenever you can be.”