04-09-2017, 12:42 AM
Ruan
Everything was still secure. Together. Running smoothly. And yet it felt like everything was falling apart. Every piece of him was twisted and mangled on the inside, sharp and shattered, and outside was still so solid, still so steady. Maybe a little cold. Their home was still home, still peaceful and protected, guarded by each and every one of them that chose it for themselves. Everything was fine. They were all good. All was well. And he… well, he would make it through this. In time.
”Dad? Dad, are you okay?”
Jinju. God, he’d let their distance and silence stretch for far too long. He hadn’t meant to. He’d meant to find her soon after that day, when he’d rebuffed her and hurt her heart. It hadn’t been meant as anything bad, not any sort of disappointment or discomfort. Only.. space. And respect. Respect for her, and the strong woman she had become. She didn’t need him anymore. She stood on her own, no longer timid and uncertain. Bold and fiery and radiant. And also space for himself. Because if he let himself lean on her, he might topple them both over with the weight of everything bearing down on him. It wasn’t hers to carry, only his. His alone.
Her head dipped, her glittering ruby eyes gently widened in concern and her voice so soft. She reached, just a little, but didn’t steal the affection they both wanted. The tension in his shoulders and his back eased a little, deeply grateful for that kind consideration, allowing him to lead their moment together, to choose how much of him he was ready to give. It lifted a weight from his heart, just a bit.
Jinju.. he answered softly, taking a step closer and brushing lightly against her cheek. He didn’t bother trying to tell her he was fine. He wasn’t fine. They both knew it. He drew a small smile to his face as he pulled back to meet her gaze. He forced a casual shrug from his shoulder, I’ll be okay. I’m not okay. But I will be. One day. He was painfully aware that he wasn’t the only one who suffered a great loss in this. Jinju had lost her mother; or at least, the daily presence of her. All their children did, the ones who had not gone away with her. And those… would he ever see them again?
More pain. More loss.
He wanted to ask if she would seek her mother out sometime, but was hesitant to bring her up. Reluctant to accidentally push any of his own wishes for her onto her. He wanted her, and them all, to seek out their relationship with their mother. Had his own still been alive, she would be among them, or at the least an almost-constant in his life. Maybe there was a way to ask her. Maybe with time he’d know the right way to form the question. For now…
And you? Are you okay, Jinju?
”Dad? Dad, are you okay?”
Jinju. God, he’d let their distance and silence stretch for far too long. He hadn’t meant to. He’d meant to find her soon after that day, when he’d rebuffed her and hurt her heart. It hadn’t been meant as anything bad, not any sort of disappointment or discomfort. Only.. space. And respect. Respect for her, and the strong woman she had become. She didn’t need him anymore. She stood on her own, no longer timid and uncertain. Bold and fiery and radiant. And also space for himself. Because if he let himself lean on her, he might topple them both over with the weight of everything bearing down on him. It wasn’t hers to carry, only his. His alone.
Her head dipped, her glittering ruby eyes gently widened in concern and her voice so soft. She reached, just a little, but didn’t steal the affection they both wanted. The tension in his shoulders and his back eased a little, deeply grateful for that kind consideration, allowing him to lead their moment together, to choose how much of him he was ready to give. It lifted a weight from his heart, just a bit.
Jinju.. he answered softly, taking a step closer and brushing lightly against her cheek. He didn’t bother trying to tell her he was fine. He wasn’t fine. They both knew it. He drew a small smile to his face as he pulled back to meet her gaze. He forced a casual shrug from his shoulder, I’ll be okay. I’m not okay. But I will be. One day. He was painfully aware that he wasn’t the only one who suffered a great loss in this. Jinju had lost her mother; or at least, the daily presence of her. All their children did, the ones who had not gone away with her. And those… would he ever see them again?
More pain. More loss.
He wanted to ask if she would seek her mother out sometime, but was hesitant to bring her up. Reluctant to accidentally push any of his own wishes for her onto her. He wanted her, and them all, to seek out their relationship with their mother. Had his own still been alive, she would be among them, or at the least an almost-constant in his life. Maybe there was a way to ask her. Maybe with time he’d know the right way to form the question. For now…
And you? Are you okay, Jinju?
