01-23-2017, 10:04 PM
There was no grand moment of enlightenment, no great epiphany or magical awakening. He saw her, and it simply was. It all just was.
He'd chased the big bastard -his bastard- with death and fury in his dark eyes. The perfect feel of Leliana's skin still clung to him, and he ached to finish this and return to her. Immediately. Then he saw her, his ears tipped forward and his heart squeezed painfully. He slowed. He stopped. Uncertainty settled cold and solid in his chest. His sides heaved, still worn from an earlier attack that.. Leliana.
His head swayed back toward the forest, his legs began to follow. He stopped, his back to them. She was there somewhere. Maybe waiting for him. Or maybe she took Zor's words to heart and already hated him. She should. She definitely should. She would. Maybe he could pretend his memory had not returned. Who would that make him then? Would she ever want to see him again? Where would that leave his Cerva..
Cerva.
His head ducked, body stiff and rigid. Would she even recognize him now? He was no longer thick with muscle, no longer attractive and smooth-skinned. Now he was a horror, a terrible nightmare. He was a skeleton with a taut cloak, riddled with the beginnings of bone plates that constantly grew, brought him pain, made him flood with blood. There was no way she would still want him near. There was no way she would want him at all. He was no longer worthy. Of either of them. Maybe he never had been.
Leliana had seen him, had accepted his revolting appearance. But she didn't know the dark secrets he kept. The wickedness that was the real him. Did Cerva really know, though? He swallowed, and slowly turned back to Cerva, lying at Zoryn's feet. His eyes slid to Zoryn, laying bare so much pain. So much torment. Nails were embedded in his heart. Leliana would never want to see him again. Cerva would never want him near. What would- Where was he- Who was he anymore?
He closed his eyes. He breathed.
He folded his anguish away, opening a blank stare on Cerva. His mare, chosen by him as a child, claimed by him. She was his. She would not care for him anymore, not like this. A grotesque monster. But she was his, and maybe she didn't have a choice. He held her gaze as he walked to her, his heart breaking at what she might think of him now. He stood over her, silent. There was so much brokenness in her soulful eyes, brokenness he'd put there. He'd done this. When everyone else had walked out on her, he promised her he'd always be there. Always. And he'd failed her. He'd done it for them, but that would mean nothing to her shattered heart.
His brow twitched, a torrent of emotions raging in him. Regret. So much pain. Strength. Power. Darkness. Heartbreaking sadness. Longing. He was a mess, didn't know what to think. What to do. But she was his, and outwardly he was steady. As he always had been. As he always would be.
Stand, Cerva, he said firmly, a deeper voice than she knew before, his chest tightening painfully. She was stronger than this, he'd always known it. She would stand, and she would see him. She would take him as he was. She would hate him. Everything else in the world would have to wait. Everyone else..would have to wait.
He'd chased the big bastard -his bastard- with death and fury in his dark eyes. The perfect feel of Leliana's skin still clung to him, and he ached to finish this and return to her. Immediately. Then he saw her, his ears tipped forward and his heart squeezed painfully. He slowed. He stopped. Uncertainty settled cold and solid in his chest. His sides heaved, still worn from an earlier attack that.. Leliana.
His head swayed back toward the forest, his legs began to follow. He stopped, his back to them. She was there somewhere. Maybe waiting for him. Or maybe she took Zor's words to heart and already hated him. She should. She definitely should. She would. Maybe he could pretend his memory had not returned. Who would that make him then? Would she ever want to see him again? Where would that leave his Cerva..
Cerva.
His head ducked, body stiff and rigid. Would she even recognize him now? He was no longer thick with muscle, no longer attractive and smooth-skinned. Now he was a horror, a terrible nightmare. He was a skeleton with a taut cloak, riddled with the beginnings of bone plates that constantly grew, brought him pain, made him flood with blood. There was no way she would still want him near. There was no way she would want him at all. He was no longer worthy. Of either of them. Maybe he never had been.
Leliana had seen him, had accepted his revolting appearance. But she didn't know the dark secrets he kept. The wickedness that was the real him. Did Cerva really know, though? He swallowed, and slowly turned back to Cerva, lying at Zoryn's feet. His eyes slid to Zoryn, laying bare so much pain. So much torment. Nails were embedded in his heart. Leliana would never want to see him again. Cerva would never want him near. What would- Where was he- Who was he anymore?
He closed his eyes. He breathed.
He folded his anguish away, opening a blank stare on Cerva. His mare, chosen by him as a child, claimed by him. She was his. She would not care for him anymore, not like this. A grotesque monster. But she was his, and maybe she didn't have a choice. He held her gaze as he walked to her, his heart breaking at what she might think of him now. He stood over her, silent. There was so much brokenness in her soulful eyes, brokenness he'd put there. He'd done this. When everyone else had walked out on her, he promised her he'd always be there. Always. And he'd failed her. He'd done it for them, but that would mean nothing to her shattered heart.
His brow twitched, a torrent of emotions raging in him. Regret. So much pain. Strength. Power. Darkness. Heartbreaking sadness. Longing. He was a mess, didn't know what to think. What to do. But she was his, and outwardly he was steady. As he always had been. As he always would be.
Stand, Cerva, he said firmly, a deeper voice than she knew before, his chest tightening painfully. She was stronger than this, he'd always known it. She would stand, and she would see him. She would take him as he was. She would hate him. Everything else in the world would have to wait. Everyone else..would have to wait.
