Everything is crashing down. All that she had known, loved, trusted, is slipping through her fingers the longer she stands here with him. Once, long ago, they had been inseparable and it had only been them. She turned her back on Magnus because Dovev had promised to never leave her. She refused Tephra as a home because she saw the way Dovev’s eyes darkened when he thought of there every being anyone crowding the space between them. Even as mother and son, they only wanted each other; they could only trust each other. For the first time, Cerva was discovering true happiness. Maybe she should have known that it wouldn’t last. Nothing ever does, does it? She should have prepared herself, but she had been so engrossed in the laughter and the soft touches that she forgot all the woes in her life.
Dovev made her forget her sorrows.
But now, now he is bringing them all back. His grating voice, his urgency and worry, swallows her. A black cloud looms over her thoughts and while she is listening to him, she stares off distantly. Atrani is nearby, but even the child’s voice goes unanswered by both parents. The girl tilts her head from one side to the other, hunting for the replies that never come. Father more or less addresses them to mother, reassuring her and putting her fears aside. There is conflict in every direction – shouting, crying, wailing, reminding.
Reminding, yes.
Cerva’s nutmeg eyes lift to Zoryn as he interjects with barbed words. There is hurt and there is betrayal. A shudder cartwheels down her back, uncertainty slipping through the holes. Dovev has had his hands not only on her, but another mare, and even Zoryn. His affections roam as freely as the wind, untamed even by a love he claimed could never be replaced. Cerva had been his first, but not his only or his last. Everything is crumbling and all she can do is whimper and tremble under their hardened stares. She is not strong enough for this, not willing enough to endure more heartache and more pain. While her mind is battling to stay alive and to stay standing, her heart is wanting to resign and let her slip into the nothingness where she belongs. A bleary-eyed stare finds Dovev and they meet again as her strength withers and the blood drains. She slowly shakes her head, her matted forelock clumped and mingled with dirt. ”I wish you didn’t remember me,” she whispers on a shaken breath, ”not like this.” There is defeat choking her words. A dragged glance observes where Zoryn has left after he gave a pointed glance in her direction, knowing how she is tearing apart before their very eyes. ”He didn’t just attack you,” the pieces are coming together, one by one, ”There was something between you. Something deeper and more intimate that he wanted to remind you of by bringing you here.” A smile weakly tries to navigate across her lips. ”I cannot expect to keep you to myself.” She had once before, but not now, not when the truth is finally coming to fruition in front of her.
When Dovev reaches to her neck and breathes her in, she lets him. A lasting moment that she brings herself to savor even as her legs are painted a deep shade of scarlet. ”Dovev,” she breathes his name softly into the wind as she turns to glide her muzzle along the ridges of his neck and shoulder, ”I love you.” and I always have, she doesn’t say. Just as she sees the turmoil that has become of them, she also remembers those cold nights huddled together and those sweet touches every few steps they traveled. She remembers his youth and how he wanted – needed – her close, and she remembers when there was something deeper blossoming between them. She remembers their smiles, their laughter, their happiness.
With her white-bark lips still pressed to his skin, she whispers, ”But I cannot keep you forever.” That would be selfish, she tells herself as his breath fans across her as it had years ago. A tear slips down her cheek as she draws in the scent of him, memorizing him all over again. ”It has always been you,” she retorts, nearly repeating what he has said to her, but her heartache is sinking deeper and deeper to her core. ”You love her and you love him. Give them what they want; we had our time,” she doesn’t want to say goodbye, but its hovering on the tip of her tongue even with their daughter within earshot. Each passing minute her body is weakening and giving up. The blood is still there, freshly draping her hindquarters even as they stand in a lover’s embrace. She doesn’t want to let him go, but when she sees their daughter, she sees what meager purpose she had in this bitter world.
”Just let me go, Dovev.” A shaken breath rattles her lungs. ”Give them the chance to know your love.” Because she knows how great it can be.
Cerva