Wallace
He smiled slowly and her breath caught in her throat. There was a heaviness between them, she suddenly realized, a charged quiet that set her heart pacing uncertainly. She thought he might reach for her, might touch her, and she groaned inwardly at how she wished it were so. But that was stupid, so stupid. Of course he wouldn't. How could anyone but the one who had done this ever want to touch her.
She swallowed, her heart stuttering in her breast, but then there was Ashley and she startled into Sabrael only to rebound right off him, frustrated with herself. Her glare avoided them both as she asked what Ashley wanted. But it was Sabrael who spoke first, his voice a molten heat that should burn her, singe her and not feel so soothing and safe. We are here for you. But if you want us gone, we can be too. Her expression wilted into uncertainty again as she was drawn back to his face. I can be, he didn't say. No, she didn't want him gone. But she couldn't say it. Couldn't be so vulnerable.
Why did this feel so incredibly terrifying? Here, they gave her that sense of being in control, the freedom to make her own choices, when she was still so powerless and lost. And yet somehow she was afraid, because she never seemed to make the right decisions and they would let her make more mistakes and become even more worthless in their eyes, even more of a burden to them. There was a knot in her breast she couldn't smooth away, tangled and messy and painful. It stung her, the desire to be something, mean something to someone and know so certainly that she never could. She never would.
Their kindness cut her so very deeply.
Her gaze slid hesitantly to Ashley then as he spoke, so much more fragile and vulnerable than she ever wanted them to see. We love you, he stabbed into her. She shut her eyes over the tears that threatened to spill over. I love you, he added soon after, and she choked on blades in her throat, shaking her head and wishing it would deflect his words from ever reaching her. He killed her with his soft words, with the meaning she couldn't possibly accept. With his sweet lies of comfort.
I can't -I need to go, she whispered as her gaze fell away from them, her heart in tatters and only ripping apart even more. Her chest hurt, so tight and empty as though there were a gaping hole she could feel but not see. She turned from them, her movements stiff, and walked blindly though her head was raised, a tear finally sliding down her soft, brown cheek.
Because she was not weak, and she refused to shatter to pieces before their worried eyes. Not until she was away, would she collapse and let herself weep like the fragile, broken thing she must be to them now.
