He expected a rebuke, a fight. A beating. He expected a beating. What else would he expect as recourse for attacking the formidable man that gave him everything even as everything else slipped away. Ashley phased out, and Dovev charged through nothing. Only air. He stopped immediately, his shoulders slumped and head dipping heavily. His mentor would not fight back, not today. And he confirmed it a moment later.
I will not give you what you seek, Dovev. You have beat yourself up enough already. There is nothing I can do to you that you do not already do to yourself.
He breathed, had to breathe -keep breathing. It was surprisingly painful for this truth to be acknowledged, to be brought to his own attention. He was, wasn't he? He was punishing himself. It wasn't enough though. It would never be enough. Just do it, he didn't say. Just beat him. Make him hurt as she must hurt. He would bear his pain, his heartache, and he would bear hers too. Let him hold all of it. All of it.
You sought to train to defend yourself and Cerva. I leave, and suddenly Cerva has disappeared, and there is a Leliana. And a whole tangle of others. Dovev… you are a better man than this.
He'd had the right intentions, hadn't he? He'd tried to, even with the darkness born in him. Even the obsession, the need for control, the affection for Cerva that had been seen so wrongly by others. She'd been so perfect, they'd been perfect, and he'd only wished to keep it that way forever. But his mind was not strong enough, or perhaps was too strong, and he pushed it all out of him. He forgot everything. Found a new love, a different love in Leliana.
Poisoned them both. Lost them both. Killed them both.
He wished his mentor would wipe Dovev from her memory. Free her of the pain he saw each time he slipped away to watch over her. He couldn't help it. He had to see, had to know. Even if it killed him. He accepted the pain, would gladly take it to free her.
A tear slipped from his haunted, black eye, stroked his cheek with the anguish in his heart. But he straightened, and finally turned around. Ashley asked for his knowledge of Ischian current events and he squared to him to answer, his voice quiet but firm. Hollow, but certain.
"You brought the girl home from the forest." And you hit a hell of a lot harder now. "The prince hasn't returned."
I'll take my bow, I won't make a sound
I whisper truce as the ashes hit the ground
i couldn't help myself, is gorgeous :|
