03-10-2017, 01:46 PM
Ruan
There was a solid knot in his chest. No matter how he tried to massage it away -with his nose, with his magic- it never seemed to relinquish its hold in him. Like a heavy lead ball, it sat there inside him, tightened his shoulders in tension and added a wild uncertainty in his eyes. He had done something wrong. He wasn't sure what or how, but he still felt the guilt of it, the sting of fault. He was always screwing up. Half the time, he felt he wasn't even aware that he had until it was too late. He hoped this wasn't one of those times.
He hated how Jinju had looked at her, had turned cold and brief towards her with a pointed glance at him. It confused him, that interaction, so uncharacteristic of the friendly girl he'd raised, always so sweet. Circinae had been nothing but kind and caring toward his daughter, towards anyone, and he couldn't understand how he had managed to change it. How it was his fault. He didn't know what he was supposed to apologize for, but felt that he should.
And now his brows always seemed to be creased in worry. Because he hadn't seen Circinae since the meeting. Not her, nor her wolf. As though she did not want to be found, not by him. The vise in his chest only gripped harder, digging in and clawing at his lungs, stealing his breath. Was she avoiding him? What had he done this time?
He hated this.
No longer was he waiting in the places he thought she might show, searching for her scent and hoping she'd come in her own time. He didn't want to call for her, didn't want to hunt her down. But he couldn't live with this tension, this thick and heavy curtain he felt drawn between them. If he had any friends, she was it. She was a source of strength, of support, of comfort. Of joy. She was... Not here either, he growled in frustration, eyes glittering with the pain of it.
He sighed, his dark face bowing and shoulders slumping. Everywhere he looked, he failed to find her. Maybe she hated him. Maybe she had left. Maybe he could wish that thought didn't sting so much. As the emotions built and twisted in his gut, pushed and pressured, his head lifted and tilted back, lamented from a wolf's throat a mournful cry of loss. Then his head ducked low again, and his body sank to the ground, expanded and grew into his spotted horse hide.
He closed his eyes and lay there, just for a while longer.
He hated how Jinju had looked at her, had turned cold and brief towards her with a pointed glance at him. It confused him, that interaction, so uncharacteristic of the friendly girl he'd raised, always so sweet. Circinae had been nothing but kind and caring toward his daughter, towards anyone, and he couldn't understand how he had managed to change it. How it was his fault. He didn't know what he was supposed to apologize for, but felt that he should.
And now his brows always seemed to be creased in worry. Because he hadn't seen Circinae since the meeting. Not her, nor her wolf. As though she did not want to be found, not by him. The vise in his chest only gripped harder, digging in and clawing at his lungs, stealing his breath. Was she avoiding him? What had he done this time?
He hated this.
No longer was he waiting in the places he thought she might show, searching for her scent and hoping she'd come in her own time. He didn't want to call for her, didn't want to hunt her down. But he couldn't live with this tension, this thick and heavy curtain he felt drawn between them. If he had any friends, she was it. She was a source of strength, of support, of comfort. Of joy. She was... Not here either, he growled in frustration, eyes glittering with the pain of it.
He sighed, his dark face bowing and shoulders slumping. Everywhere he looked, he failed to find her. Maybe she hated him. Maybe she had left. Maybe he could wish that thought didn't sting so much. As the emotions built and twisted in his gut, pushed and pressured, his head lifted and tilted back, lamented from a wolf's throat a mournful cry of loss. Then his head ducked low again, and his body sank to the ground, expanded and grew into his spotted horse hide.
He closed his eyes and lay there, just for a while longer.
