She didn't understand. He could see it in her beautiful face, in the deep sad of her eyes. In the pinch of her brow, and the way she stared off instead of looking at him. In her thoughts, too, obviously. And in her trembling voice when she tried to say it, but couldn't quite get the words to leave her lips.
"I dont, Kharon... I don't..."
His heart hurt so badly at her confusion, her pain. His own pain, too. She leaned into him more and he nibbled at her neck, craving the touch to soothe himself as much as for comforting her. This hurt him, too. He had always thought they would be together always. Born together, live together, die together. Always the two of them. Deep down, a part of him had known it was wrong to want her this way. And then Dad had caught him staring too hard, admiring her too much, and tried to teach him.
"I want you," she said, finally turning to him again and meeting his eyes. He couldn't help the eager light brightening his gray eyes, nor the suddenly swifter beat to his pulse. Nor even the way his gaze slid to her lips. "Um," he mumbled absently, distracted. Conflicted thoughts and emotions twisting and tangling within him. Wanted her. Couldn't have her. Shouldn't have her. Really wanted her. But Dad said. And grandfather. Reilly would hate him too. Maybe Mom. Badden. Kali. Kylin. Grandfather. Dad.
Really wanted her.
"Um," he repeated again, much quieter, still struggling. Still locked onto those lips. His eyelids were getting heavier this time, though, and he was pretty sure he was leaning closer. Damn, he missed her. Why couldn't it be okay? Why were they wrong? Why did it have to feel so good? Why couldn't it be okay? ...Fuck it.
He kissed her. His lips claimed hers as they should've been doing this whole time. I can't do this, he whispered to her mind, even as he pressed his mouth to hers more firmly. His heart raced, thundered in his chest, and his kisses grew more urgent, more demanding. Dammit. He groaned, anxious and hating himself, worried he would get caught, frustrated that they couldn't be this way. Wanting to pull back, just stop, back away from her, and instead taking more from her.
I can't, I can't. But he still was, and pressing his body more against hers.