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<B> I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large out of focus monster roaming the countryside.</b>
We’re gonna put the cry back in cryptid, y’all. Buckle up.
Satty is no monster, he’s a goddamn <i>masterpiece</i>.
You’d think the jump from badly made piebald horse to less-badly-made simian-like creature of American folklore that is said to inhabit forests, especially in the Pacific Northwest (source: definitely not Wikipedia) would be harder. I mean, okay, they’re both a little weird and a lot hairy, and Satty has always moved kind of like a guy in a gorilla suit, and he loves staring at cameras and creating great American hoaxes, and never mind that Beqanna exists outside of America, I guess, I have never been made so think so hard about logically where it would exist <i>will someone stop me</i>.
Also, both Satty and this cryptid share the nickname “Skunk Ape” (so does an ex of mine, but that’s another story).
So Satty goes from quadrupedal to bipedal, and we all ignore the fact that quadrupedal is not a real word according to Microsoft Word, because heaven forbid I look up anything <s>except this Bigfoot Wikipedia page</s>. His piebald fur grows thick, like that weird bathroom carpeting some nightmare houses had in the 70s. It also grows darker, but we don’t have a simile for that that doesn’t devolve into bathroom humor and <i>you brought bathrooms into this, Brenda.</i>.
He also grows taller, like the great redwoods of California, and his brow ridge grows, much like the eloquence of my similes.
And his feet? They just get fucking big, man.
Satty is no more graceful in this form than he was as an equine, so when he runs it’s like letting that bull loose in a china shop, except instead of a bull it’s like a 6 foot ape moaning and stomping everywhere with his giant fucking feet. So some small trees are knocked down, and the earth is full of these tracks that would make MonsterQuest flip TF out.
He’s not perturbed, though. Like I said earlier (I think), it’s kind of a natural jump. Like evolution, except not at all. But ol’ Skunk Ape is here, at the fairy’s bidding until she realizes she made a huge mistake and turns him back into a regular old immortal talking horse.
But right now Satty’s having a great time, just yelling and running around and really making a case for himself, acting a fool.
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I'm uhhh....sorry. for all 394 words of this.
bigfoot traits: large, hairy, probably has claws. weaknesses: is always blurry.
<B> I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large out of focus monster roaming the countryside.</b>
We’re gonna put the cry back in cryptid, y’all. Buckle up.
Satty is no monster, he’s a goddamn <i>masterpiece</i>.
You’d think the jump from badly made piebald horse to less-badly-made simian-like creature of American folklore that is said to inhabit forests, especially in the Pacific Northwest (source: definitely not Wikipedia) would be harder. I mean, okay, they’re both a little weird and a lot hairy, and Satty has always moved kind of like a guy in a gorilla suit, and he loves staring at cameras and creating great American hoaxes, and never mind that Beqanna exists outside of America, I guess, I have never been made so think so hard about logically where it would exist <i>will someone stop me</i>.
Also, both Satty and this cryptid share the nickname “Skunk Ape” (so does an ex of mine, but that’s another story).
So Satty goes from quadrupedal to bipedal, and we all ignore the fact that quadrupedal is not a real word according to Microsoft Word, because heaven forbid I look up anything <s>except this Bigfoot Wikipedia page</s>. His piebald fur grows thick, like that weird bathroom carpeting some nightmare houses had in the 70s. It also grows darker, but we don’t have a simile for that that doesn’t devolve into bathroom humor and <i>you brought bathrooms into this, Brenda.</i>.
He also grows taller, like the great redwoods of California, and his brow ridge grows, much like the eloquence of my similes.
And his feet? They just get fucking big, man.
Satty is no more graceful in this form than he was as an equine, so when he runs it’s like letting that bull loose in a china shop, except instead of a bull it’s like a 6 foot ape moaning and stomping everywhere with his giant fucking feet. So some small trees are knocked down, and the earth is full of these tracks that would make MonsterQuest flip TF out.
He’s not perturbed, though. Like I said earlier (I think), it’s kind of a natural jump. Like evolution, except not at all. But ol’ Skunk Ape is here, at the fairy’s bidding until she realizes she made a huge mistake and turns him back into a regular old immortal talking horse.
But right now Satty’s having a great time, just yelling and running around and really making a case for himself, acting a fool.
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I'm uhhh....sorry. for all 394 words of this.
bigfoot traits: large, hairy, probably has claws. weaknesses: is always blurry.