when the night calls; kagerus - any

[Kagerus]

He stares at me with the wild abandon of any child, except for the twinkle in his eyes - mirror images of mine in that they carry the spark of a dreamer. I can't help but to smile as his jaw clicks shut, to admire my womb's handiwork even though I don't deserve to.

But that's why we're here - to try and make up for it.
To try and make up for everything I've thrown away.

I know who you are. He talks like Rapt, with a bluntness that becomes him - still, it's sharpened edge cuts me, though not deeply. For all I've done, he ought to be screaming, crying, attacking me - but he is a sweet child, that much already is apparent. Sickly sweet; the reality of him must be exposed to hardships, or else he'll be lost to this world like his father before him. And I - I can't let that happen... Not any more.

"Can I hold you?"

I'm whispering still, but with the authority a mother ought to carry. I take a step towards him, but no more. It is not my place to force anything upon him, to push him further than he wishes to go. Our boundaries are none existent, we forge our relationship one word at a time and right now, each word carries the weight of a missed childhood moment.

My eyes scan him carefully, catching the upturn of his lips and the staring vacancy of his eyes. Twinkling, dreaming, a little boy whose life I owe to someone entirely unconnected to me. I yearn to take him into my embrace, to feel him fit perfectly beneath my neck and against my chest while he still can; I'd held my brother Khaedrik that way when he'd been Abysm's age. But this is different. The golden boy is not my best friend or my confident; he's my son.

My son, and I, his mother.

(Finally willing to say that word and mean it, are you? What changed?)
I can see him, now, before me. He is of me. Without me, he would not be here - and that is reason enough to be mother.
(Well, what a convenient time to change your mind, right as he appears before you. You greedy little bitch, taking everything that's handed to you. You wouldn't know how to function if it weren't for free hand outs, if it weren't for everyone around you doing your work and then letting you take the credit. You may have formed him but you didn't birth him, really if you think about it all you did was get some cock and then move on with your life. A sex addict. Isn't that why you love Solace so much? The sound of her moaning with your fingers in her --)
Please. Please not now. I can't -- not with him here.
(Fine.)

I like my lips, feel my heart flutter as my mind races out of control.

"...Please?"

@[abysm] I don't know what this is either!!