She doesn’t have the words to say what she needs. Doesn’t have the words to tell him what he has wanted to hear for so long. The wild storm of emotion had released far more than just her grief. Everything she’d buried deep for so long had spilled forth, reminding her they are not meant to be caged. Reminding her of everything she has tried so hard to forget.
She could never be like him, giving himself so easily to every feeling that tumbled through his heart. Fear has always been her greatest weakness. It might surprise him to learn that. To know just how much of herself she kept from him (from everyone) because of fear. And if she could help it, he would never know. Spies do not have to be brave, and it had been so easy to hide behind. A nearly impenetrable armor.
But now, bared as she is, she finds it difficult to pick up the pieces of that shattered armor and build it anew.
And all of sudden, everything that she had so safely tucked away, everything that he had stirred in her (everything she had sworn he would never learn of) clamors to be heard. The pain of her failures battle with her longing for something new, something to replace the terrible memories she had long suppressed. They tangle in her throat until she can’t find an answer to the question in his voice.
Instead, she does her best to give him the answer in her touch. There is a vulnerability in the press of her lips on his skin, an uncertainty in the hesitant movement. In the way she moves her lips gently along his neck until she reaches the hollow where the sharp, beautiful line of his jaw begins.
“Dovev,” she finally whispers, breath warm against his skin as she presses closer, uncaring of the way his unforgiving edges press into her. That single word is equal amounts of plea and demand, an invitation she can only hope he won’t misunderstand.
i see your sins
and i want to set them free
