here we are in the heart of the darkness; Dovev, open

[leliana]

I waited for something, and something died
so I waited for nothing, and nothing arrived

The days in the aftermath have gotten easier but have not fully healed.

She is slowly picking up the pieces of her family again. Clutching the edges of them to her breast and hoping for the best. She forgets the aches beneath the surface. The way that they can so easily slice at her, splitting apart flesh to reveal what lies underneath. She trusts in Vulgaris, ignoring the way she splintered beneath his cruel words. She forgets the looming threat of his sister and the danger she poses to her children. The only thing that matters is her daughters, her family, and the weight of responsibility that now rests on her.

She has to help heal Beqanna.

She has to at least try.

So she travels often between her home and this land, doing what she can to support Tiphon and Cress in their mission. Doing what she can to bring some semblance of comfort to a world rocked by pain. And underneath it all, she does her best to ignore the constant, biting pain when she thinks of Dovev. When she wonders about him. When she scans the crowds looking for him, her heart thrashing wildly in her chest with her fears.

The last she had seen him, he had been battling flames and monsters.

He had been screaming at her to leave.

And then the world had gone to black.

Today is no different. She had left her beautiful babies with Vulgaris in their new home with the promise that she would be back soon. She presses kisses to their scaled foreheads, thanking the heavens that they were both home and safe with her. She presses kisses to Vulgaris’ cheek and thanks the heavens that he’s home too. That he still allows her to be home.

Then she turns, unfurling crimson dragon wings and takes to the skies.

She is stronger now than she has been in months, even though the plague still spreads through her veins. Cress and Tiphon both worked together to knit together the wounds from the battle, pulling the flesh on her chest together, soothing the burns that had run wicked up the slope of her neck, easing the exhaustion that had taken up such permanent residency in her.

Still, she coughs when she lands, the blood crusted in the corner of her mouth. She can feel it rattle in her chest when the commotion catches her eye. She narrows her gaze, focusing on the golden sheen of the winged healer. When she sees the familiar bone armor, her throat goes dry. Her vision goes blurry for a second and she sways before taking a stumbling step forward, just in time to see the blue mare. Even as the sight of Dovev reaching down to comfort her, the intimacy between them clear, causes a bone deep ache, she feels a familiar need to help.

Each step is agony as she makes her way toward them, the realization of where Dovev has been settling deep into her bones. And she knows she has no right to him. She has no right to have any say about where he spends his time and to whom he gives his heart and so she swallows the bitter pain silently, eyes downcast. Quietly, Leliana walks up beside Cress, feeling the warmth of the mare and taking comfort in her presence.

She glances up at Dovev, pain raw in her expression, before she wipes it clean, her face carefully neutral as she looks to the mare by him. “We will do what we can to help,” the words are quiet and punctuated by a cough she does her best to mask. Turning her head away to compose herself she only looks back when it’s subsided. She reaches for the golden light of her healing and feels it well within her, breathing easier for the way it responds so quickly.

She sighs into it and pushes it through Heartfire, ignoring all of the pain associated with this woman on the ground. She thinks of their first encounter, when the mare had pushed such cruel truths into her palm. She thinks of when she woke up to chaos at the River and the sight of Heartfire trailing after Dovev as he washed away. And now she thinks of her crumpled on the ground with Dovev pressing his lips to her neck, to the swell in her stomach—

No.

She couldn’t think of that now.

Shaking her head, Leliana remains quiet and focuses on the task at hand, letting the effort of it consume her thoughts, sweat flecking her neck and darkening her focus to nothing but the problem before her and her ability to help solve it.

it's our dearest ally, it's our closest friend
it's our darkest blackout, it's our final end