11-11-2018, 03:38 PM
Minds are powerful things. Capable of immense calculations, holders of all the knowledge you could care to possess. They also have a certain talent for self preservation. Whether we like it or not. I had been in denial for... as long as I'd been back, it seemed. Every symptom, every discomfort, they could all be attributed to the damage and resulting strains of healing I'd been experiencing. Aches, pains, nausea. Even the sensation that my skin didn't fit quite right. Somehow I'd managed to convince myself that nothing further was amiss than having touched the brink of death and come back. You'd think that would be enough.
On a day that dawned cold and clear, I realized I'd been lying to myself. With good reason, maybe, but it was an unwanted discovery nonetheless. From the moment my eyes opened, something felt off. Lucky, then, that I was living so far from the world. The way I was feeling, the next horse I saw was liable to walk away with bruises. Much as I wanted him near, maybe it was just as well that Cas was away these last few days.
This rocky cliff had been my ivory tower while I recovered my strength, safe from the danger of a changing world. Soon, I'd be well enough to return and see for things for myself. Beqanna had become disrupted while I'd been in my death-sleep. The very geography had shifted as once dormant lands rose again, and my sons had melted into the chaos. I could only hope that their paths would be good ones, and that they'd find their way back to me some day.
I had paced the length and width of my craggy haven a hundred times over by the time midmorning sunlight reached me. The warmth was welcome, but did little to ease the restlessness I'd woken up with. Only when the first pain rippled through my abdomen did I cease my frenetic motion.
So it was true. Klaudius had left me more than scars and memories that day. Against all odds a piece of him had taken, and survived to make itself known. The latest insult in a saga full of them.
It was a familiar ache. I'd felt it when I'd birthed Kwartz in the shadows of Ischia, not knowing what he'd grow to be. Again, when his half brothers joined the world. I loved each of my children as well as I knew how, hoping I could make things right in their worlds, even if I couldn't fix mine. As they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Now I stood shivering and alone, waiting for the instinctive thrall that would herald this newest babe. I had been excited when my sons were born. Alone as I had been at their deliverances, they'd been been conceived in joy, breathlessly awaited gifts. That wasn't something I could claim today. Today my body clenched and my breath caught in waves, all for a child I didn't want, by a man who wished me only ill, while the one who's children I did want harbored me.
Tears pricked in the corners of my eyes as another spasm washed through me. Was this too much to ask of him? He had taken care of me, dead or alive. And even as I dreaded facing it, I wanted him to be here with me. My selfish heart wanted his touch to distract me, his warmth to sooth me. From the day we'd met and done our best to kill each other, he'd ignited something deeper than any lust I'd felt before. That had to mean something, but everyone has their limit. Maybe this bastard would be his. Maybe it was mine.
@[Castile]
On a day that dawned cold and clear, I realized I'd been lying to myself. With good reason, maybe, but it was an unwanted discovery nonetheless. From the moment my eyes opened, something felt off. Lucky, then, that I was living so far from the world. The way I was feeling, the next horse I saw was liable to walk away with bruises. Much as I wanted him near, maybe it was just as well that Cas was away these last few days.
This rocky cliff had been my ivory tower while I recovered my strength, safe from the danger of a changing world. Soon, I'd be well enough to return and see for things for myself. Beqanna had become disrupted while I'd been in my death-sleep. The very geography had shifted as once dormant lands rose again, and my sons had melted into the chaos. I could only hope that their paths would be good ones, and that they'd find their way back to me some day.
I had paced the length and width of my craggy haven a hundred times over by the time midmorning sunlight reached me. The warmth was welcome, but did little to ease the restlessness I'd woken up with. Only when the first pain rippled through my abdomen did I cease my frenetic motion.
So it was true. Klaudius had left me more than scars and memories that day. Against all odds a piece of him had taken, and survived to make itself known. The latest insult in a saga full of them.
It was a familiar ache. I'd felt it when I'd birthed Kwartz in the shadows of Ischia, not knowing what he'd grow to be. Again, when his half brothers joined the world. I loved each of my children as well as I knew how, hoping I could make things right in their worlds, even if I couldn't fix mine. As they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Now I stood shivering and alone, waiting for the instinctive thrall that would herald this newest babe. I had been excited when my sons were born. Alone as I had been at their deliverances, they'd been been conceived in joy, breathlessly awaited gifts. That wasn't something I could claim today. Today my body clenched and my breath caught in waves, all for a child I didn't want, by a man who wished me only ill, while the one who's children I did want harbored me.
Tears pricked in the corners of my eyes as another spasm washed through me. Was this too much to ask of him? He had taken care of me, dead or alive. And even as I dreaded facing it, I wanted him to be here with me. My selfish heart wanted his touch to distract me, his warmth to sooth me. From the day we'd met and done our best to kill each other, he'd ignited something deeper than any lust I'd felt before. That had to mean something, but everyone has their limit. Maybe this bastard would be his. Maybe it was mine.
@[Castile]