12-28-2018, 01:47 PM
Some days everything felt like a tangled mess. She’d broken the hell out of Zor’s heart, fallen completely in love with a man who was gone more than he was with her - a man who came home to her but had to spend so much of his life away. Their babies were still learning to get along, the turmoil of a new baby sibling amplified by the fact that he didn’t share their father. Or. Not that they knew. Zoe was Dov’s, but he’d been gone the first year of her life, had missed so many baby smiles and firsts, and she’d grown up thinking Zor was her father too. Just like he was her twin sister’s.
Their family was a bit of a mess, and it all felt like it could come unraveled at any moment if they didn’t handle things just right. It was exhausting, and so much pressure, and some days she just didn’t know what to do. Defy was getting restless to see his daddy again, always did when Dov was away for more than...well, a few hours really. But the longer he had to be gone, the worse it got. She tried to help, but honestly she wasn’t much better than he was, just kept her missing Dov tucked away inside.
Defy stuck close to her side most of the time, venturing out occasionally to explore the island a bit but mostly taking his self- and daddy-appointed job of protecting her veryyy seriously. Today though, she’d asked all three of them to go try and mingle with the other residents of the island, maybe make a friend or two. She didn’t want her babies growing up as isolated as she’d been, with only her brother for company. Not that he hadn’t been good company, but it wasn’t healthy for them to have no friends their age. And she so badly wanted to do right by them.
She just had no idea what the hell to do with herself without a kid clinging to her side.
But she wasn’t gonna hover and be that overprotective mom that didn’t let her kids do anything on their own. So. She set her feet to wandering too, determined to at least not sit around waiting for them to wander home and tell her tales of their adventures. She should...ugh, probably try and do the same, model the behavior she was trying to encourage in them, right? Fuck. Okay.
So when she saw someone else wandering too, she didn’t go out of her way to avoid them for once. Instead she...god, okay, yep, actually approached. Even though the someone was a shade of blue that reminded her of fever nightmares and what had happened to put her in that state, of pumpkin kings and burned flesh and oh god nope okay. She froze, fighting to inhale, her body forgetting how to breathe as a flash of panic set in. She’d been that gorgeous shade of blue, facing down Jack in her dreams after--nope. This was the worst idea. Her worst idea ever. Fuck people, she could be alone forever and live off the scraps of time Dov could throw her way and Zor could stand to be around her, and--
God. She was not this pathetic, terrified mess. A particular shade of blue could not send her into a tailspin, gasping for air as the world crashed down around her. Fuck. That.
She gritted her teeth and pulled herself together, at least pretending her heart wasn’t racing ten thousand miles a minute, lying for all she was worth and putting on her bravest goddamn face and pretending she wasn’t remembering the feeling of flame searing her skin, wasn’t remembering bark tearing into her as he crushed her against a tree, wasn’t remembering his grip on her hips or the way--nope. None of it.
She was fucking fine.
God knew she’d gotten good at pretending she was fucking fine. So she smiled, and made damn sure it reached her eyes before she tried again. Deep breath. Didn’t matter how loud she was screaming on the inside, she could fake her way through. Wouldn’t be the first time.
Okay a few more deep breaths ‘til she had the panic hidden, even if it was still raging inside her. And then she strolled out of the shadows and made her way toward the stranger, a friendly smile affixed perfectly to her face. She made damn sure her walk was calm and confident, not so much as a hint of the way her post-horror appearance left her cringing inside, hair slow to grow back and still sparse and short, or the way the stitch marks that edged her patches where black and white met left her feeling like a patchwork ragdoll pieced together from the nightmare she’d survived through sheer stubbornness and the magic of a healer she still needed to thank. Calm. Confident.
“Hello,” she said, keeping her voice steady and friendly and not letting a damn thing leak through. “Do you live here on the island too?”
Their family was a bit of a mess, and it all felt like it could come unraveled at any moment if they didn’t handle things just right. It was exhausting, and so much pressure, and some days she just didn’t know what to do. Defy was getting restless to see his daddy again, always did when Dov was away for more than...well, a few hours really. But the longer he had to be gone, the worse it got. She tried to help, but honestly she wasn’t much better than he was, just kept her missing Dov tucked away inside.
Defy stuck close to her side most of the time, venturing out occasionally to explore the island a bit but mostly taking his self- and daddy-appointed job of protecting her veryyy seriously. Today though, she’d asked all three of them to go try and mingle with the other residents of the island, maybe make a friend or two. She didn’t want her babies growing up as isolated as she’d been, with only her brother for company. Not that he hadn’t been good company, but it wasn’t healthy for them to have no friends their age. And she so badly wanted to do right by them.
She just had no idea what the hell to do with herself without a kid clinging to her side.
But she wasn’t gonna hover and be that overprotective mom that didn’t let her kids do anything on their own. So. She set her feet to wandering too, determined to at least not sit around waiting for them to wander home and tell her tales of their adventures. She should...ugh, probably try and do the same, model the behavior she was trying to encourage in them, right? Fuck. Okay.
So when she saw someone else wandering too, she didn’t go out of her way to avoid them for once. Instead she...god, okay, yep, actually approached. Even though the someone was a shade of blue that reminded her of fever nightmares and what had happened to put her in that state, of pumpkin kings and burned flesh and oh god nope okay. She froze, fighting to inhale, her body forgetting how to breathe as a flash of panic set in. She’d been that gorgeous shade of blue, facing down Jack in her dreams after--nope. This was the worst idea. Her worst idea ever. Fuck people, she could be alone forever and live off the scraps of time Dov could throw her way and Zor could stand to be around her, and--
God. She was not this pathetic, terrified mess. A particular shade of blue could not send her into a tailspin, gasping for air as the world crashed down around her. Fuck. That.
She gritted her teeth and pulled herself together, at least pretending her heart wasn’t racing ten thousand miles a minute, lying for all she was worth and putting on her bravest goddamn face and pretending she wasn’t remembering the feeling of flame searing her skin, wasn’t remembering bark tearing into her as he crushed her against a tree, wasn’t remembering his grip on her hips or the way--nope. None of it.
She was fucking fine.
God knew she’d gotten good at pretending she was fucking fine. So she smiled, and made damn sure it reached her eyes before she tried again. Deep breath. Didn’t matter how loud she was screaming on the inside, she could fake her way through. Wouldn’t be the first time.
Okay a few more deep breaths ‘til she had the panic hidden, even if it was still raging inside her. And then she strolled out of the shadows and made her way toward the stranger, a friendly smile affixed perfectly to her face. She made damn sure her walk was calm and confident, not so much as a hint of the way her post-horror appearance left her cringing inside, hair slow to grow back and still sparse and short, or the way the stitch marks that edged her patches where black and white met left her feeling like a patchwork ragdoll pieced together from the nightmare she’d survived through sheer stubbornness and the magic of a healer she still needed to thank. Calm. Confident.
“Hello,” she said, keeping her voice steady and friendly and not letting a damn thing leak through. “Do you live here on the island too?”