[private] haunted by the ghost of you; dovev

[leliana]

I don't know what I'm supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you

Time has no meaning anymore.

In the aftermath of the encounter, the color has leaked from the world, and she struggles to maintain her hold on reality. Food has no taste and so she stops eating. Drinks do not quench her thirst and so she stops trying. Sleep does not come easy and when it does, it is fitful and full of nightmares. It has not been long enough for such behaviors to drastically affect her, but there is a sharpness in her face again, the flesh pulled taut across her cheekbones. Her hazel eyes are dull, the flame within not able to reach the surface.

She doesn't leave the Pampas, cannot bring herself to pull her children from their home, but she finds herself lingering when she comes to the Island—especially when she sees that he is no threat to Adna and Sabbath. She doesn’t fear what he would do them, even though she is terrified of what he means to her. 

She argues that the flight takes more out of her than before, and there is truth in that sentence. 

Her body is covered in a thin sheen when she finally lands on the edge of the island and her breath comes heavy. She welcomes the weight of the exhaustion. Her landing is less graceful than usual, and she takes a few stumbling steps before she comes to a stop. Her head drops and she feels the cool breeze wrap around her. It is soothing, but it doesn’t reach her. She can barely feel the comfort of it, can barely relish it.

The sound of the gentle waves lapping up catch her attention and she angles her head toward it. She takes a few steps forward out into the ocean, letting the water rise up to her chest. The pressure of it is enough to drag her closer to reality than she has felt in days. She holds her battered wing—red dragon, she cannot bring herself to see the serpentine scales wrapped around her—close to her side and can feel where his fangs had punctured the flesh. She has not healed his marks on her. Not yet.

She deserved to carry the badges of her failures.

Of her foolish hopes to ever have a happy life.

She is such a fool.