07-15-2015, 01:17 AM
you taught me the courage of stars before you left
Each day is different, and each night lonelier than the last. When the sun hangs bright like a gold coin in the sky, and the blue stretches on for miles and miles, it is impossibly easy for her to think about something else. Anything else. Straia was good about keeping her busy, filling her free time with stories and laughter and flying through open skies. She kept Oksana preoccupied when the children didn’t, when those metaphorical shadows crept over her skin and darkened those bright emerald eyes until they seemed bottomless. But as the sun dipped lower in the sky and blue gave way to pink and gold, Oksana could feel that tremble return to her bones, a subtle quake that never quite spread to the bright of her chestnut skin. And when night did finally come with quiet and starlight, bleeding sleep into every corner of the quiet kingdom, Oksana fell to silent pieces.
It was more than lost love, more than a broken heart. It was a loneliness whose cold hand had plunged into her chest, whose sharp fingers clutched raggedly at a heart turned to dust. When everything else in her life had been uncertain, there had been Makai. He was as wild as the birds in the sky, and just as hard to hold on to, and she had loved every minute of trying. When Rodrik had placed her on a throne she couldn’t possibly fill, it had been Makai who kept the homesickness at bay. Every single high and low of her life had been had with Makai at her side, and to suddenly lose him, to have no choice in giving him up, it had been her ruin.
Even now she found herself leaving the pine trees behind with hope burning dangerously like a flame in her chest. She did not leave often, it tied her stomach in knots to leave what was left of her family behind, but Pyxis and Ilka never strayed too far from the heart of the kingdom or one another, and Malis had taken Striar of to explore. It seemed Malis was disappearing more and more readily lately.
The narrow path she followed widened suddenly into the vast space of the meadow. For a moment she thought she might just turn back around and follow that path home, but a sense of longing stilled her restless feet and stayed her. With a sigh that shuddered uncomfortably in her chest, she followed the edge of the clearing for a few long minutes, her chestnut and white face a mask of trembling disinterest. Only those close enough to see her eyes would be able to make out the wild hope and uncertainty flickering there like dying stars.
She wasn’t surprised when her search yielded nothing, though she was surprised when disappointment still settled like a rock in her gut. But a dangerous thought landed like a stray dandelion seed in her mind, taking hold and growing until her feet had complied before she had given them permission. Every other time she had come, she had specifically avoided this place, their place, for the dangerous way it made her heart wither in her chest.
And yet-
Oksana paused, uncertain, those eyes as bright as raw emeralds in the dirt as they landed on a shape so devastatingly familiar. “No.” She breathed, a stiff, choked sound. Her expression changed suddenly, darkening, those green eyes flashing dangerously. She wouldn’t go to him, not now, even despite the way every single fiber of her being ached to crash against him as they first had. It didn’t even matter that he would know how she felt, for who could possibly know her heart any better than he.
It was more than lost love, more than a broken heart. It was a loneliness whose cold hand had plunged into her chest, whose sharp fingers clutched raggedly at a heart turned to dust. When everything else in her life had been uncertain, there had been Makai. He was as wild as the birds in the sky, and just as hard to hold on to, and she had loved every minute of trying. When Rodrik had placed her on a throne she couldn’t possibly fill, it had been Makai who kept the homesickness at bay. Every single high and low of her life had been had with Makai at her side, and to suddenly lose him, to have no choice in giving him up, it had been her ruin.
Even now she found herself leaving the pine trees behind with hope burning dangerously like a flame in her chest. She did not leave often, it tied her stomach in knots to leave what was left of her family behind, but Pyxis and Ilka never strayed too far from the heart of the kingdom or one another, and Malis had taken Striar of to explore. It seemed Malis was disappearing more and more readily lately.
The narrow path she followed widened suddenly into the vast space of the meadow. For a moment she thought she might just turn back around and follow that path home, but a sense of longing stilled her restless feet and stayed her. With a sigh that shuddered uncomfortably in her chest, she followed the edge of the clearing for a few long minutes, her chestnut and white face a mask of trembling disinterest. Only those close enough to see her eyes would be able to make out the wild hope and uncertainty flickering there like dying stars.
She wasn’t surprised when her search yielded nothing, though she was surprised when disappointment still settled like a rock in her gut. But a dangerous thought landed like a stray dandelion seed in her mind, taking hold and growing until her feet had complied before she had given them permission. Every other time she had come, she had specifically avoided this place, their place, for the dangerous way it made her heart wither in her chest.
And yet-
Oksana paused, uncertain, those eyes as bright as raw emeralds in the dirt as they landed on a shape so devastatingly familiar. “No.” She breathed, a stiff, choked sound. Her expression changed suddenly, darkening, those green eyes flashing dangerously. She wouldn’t go to him, not now, even despite the way every single fiber of her being ached to crash against him as they first had. It didn’t even matter that he would know how she felt, for who could possibly know her heart any better than he.
how light carries on endlessly, even after death
Oksana