and let me crawl inside your veins. I'll build a wall, give you a ball and chain.
She has never let anyone besides Ophanim touch her, and if she wasn’t so alight with her want and her lust, she would have noticed that there was a part of her that was apprehensive. She would have noticed that beneath the way her body trembles and seeks the closeness of him, there are pin-pricks of fear and nerves; that somewhere in the back of her mind, in the darkness of her subconscious, she is terrified of what she is about to do – of what she’s letting him do.
But the feel of him on her, and inside of her, is enough to completely smother every doubt before it could surface. Her skin shivers where his legs grip on either side of her, and the feel of his breath along her neck and his voice in her ears is enough to make her forget that what she was doing was wrong. He says her name like maybe he doesn’t despise her so thoroughly the way she had thought, and she hates that spark of hope that is stirs in her. She doesn’t even remember that this was supposed to be her way of avenging her already depleted self-worth. All she knows is the way her heart quickens in her chest, matching the sudden acceleration of her breathing and the way she can no longer control the soft sounds that fall from her tongue when she shudders underneath of him.
Her neck is dark and damp with sweat when he slides from her, her eyes closing for a moment as she collects herself. Her mind is a fog, and she can’t hear what he is thinking, but it is the sound of him retreating that causes her to turn.
She can’t explain the way her heart drops. They weren’t anything; they were never supposed to be. But
it didn’t change the way she suddenly felt so entirely, completely used. It didn’t change the way her skin flushed hot with shame, and the way she had to fight tears that she could feel burning in her throat. But she doesn’t go after him; she doesn’t call to him. Instead, she waits until he is long out of ear shot before she whispers in a voice that is somehow frigid and trembling all at once, “Fuck you, too.” And then she turns, to go back to Loess.
starsin
it’s not like me to be so mean. you’re all I wanted.
( just let me hold you Like a hostage. )
@[Vadar]
