I see your face in the reflections of the moon; adaline/laura pony

[adaline]

I'm wasted, losing time; I'm a foolish, fragile spine
I want all that is not mine; I want him but we're not right

He feels so real—so perfectly, achingly real—that the rest almost fades. Her vision almost goes soft and blurry on the edges and her breath nearly catches on the edge of it. She wants to fall into the truth of it and pretend that the rest doesn’t exist; she wants to take it all back and pretend she said nothing at all.

But she can’t—she can’t, she can’t.

There is a girl out there (a woman, is she alive?) that is her daughter. She has born children. She has made a family and she can remember none of it. This other life is mapped somewhere across her fractured skin, beating out in the purple of her veins, and she just has to run fast enough to catch it.

She can’t just turn her back to it now that she knows.

She can’t. She can’t.

But he looks at her the way that he always has and her chest tightens. “I had a daughter,” she repeats and her voice is a little stronger even though everything within her wants to curl into herself. “I think that I was loved,” she says and her voice is softer on this—almost too soft to be heard.

How pathetic for her to clench so tightly to the idea that she would be loved and yet how could she do anything but? All of her life she has been starved for it and then Jarris came with his sad eyes and his bruised heart and he had told her that they had a daughter together. It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t love her now (it does, it does) but the fact that he loved her at all? That he could bring himself to care?

It is the only thing that she needs to let the hook sink into her heart.

“Can you believe that?” she whispers, mostly to herself because it is too difficult to look at him, to study the features that she knows so well. “Can you believe that someone would love me?”

Tears on her delicate cheeks and she shakes like autumn.

“I’m Charity.”

in the darkness, I will meet my creators
and they will all agree that I'm a suffocator

Adaline

@[contagion]