Was there much to expect after their only night together? Litotes was not sure, still is not sure. He is no idiot - at least that is what he tells himself - and he is certain there is more there than the lust from when they first met. Yet, there is the idea that he could be making it all up; and there is that ever-present guilt of a married man. Somehow, he is worse than those that simply slip into sex without thought: maybe he loves her.
Maybe I love Starsin.
I am a fucking idiot, he tells himself, even if minutes before he thought he was perceptive enough to know she may feel something in return. If Litotes had any idea how to control his personal life like his political life, then all of this would be sorted. He would have spoken to Kensa already, would have confessed to Starsin the moment he knew; yet, if the Pangean King were that stable, would he have fallen in love with her? Would she have found something within him? It is these cracks, their inability to control themselves, their mutual brokenness, their shared trauma - these frailties of life are what brings together.
And it would seem they have a couple of other attributes tangling them even more. Though the two very obviously avoided each other the next morning, Lie had a gut feeling - still has a gut feeling. They were not going to be able to keep their secret as clandestine as they had hoped. The universe laughs at him when he gulps: if she is with child then their arrival could be any day now.
Litotes has spent the last few days trekking between Sylva and Pangea. It is not easy, and the discomfort he feels over leaving Pangea unguarded wraps chains around his lungs; the birth of his child is far more important, though, and he is determined to seek out Starsin before it is too late. Knowing her, and her secrets, and her hardhead, she will refuse any comfort he has to offer. She will fear for the partner Lie is certain she has.
It is dark when he finds her. If it were not for his control over shadows, he would not have sensed her labored breathing. He can feel the darkness tighten around Starsin and the child as he gallops forward, feel the black as it swirls in response to his anxiety. “Starsin,” he murmurs, voice gruff and too far away for her to hear. His breath hitches in his throat and the insects that hummed just a moment before seem to go completely still. Through the night most cannot observe, Litotes spots her and the two children at her side. “Oh my god,” he whispers on a breath, eyes filling with delight and fear.
The earth is quiet when he approaches, but there is no secret in the crunch his hooves make against the ground. Lie is certain Starsin knows he is here.
They are beautiful, the two of them, even if one is completely unexpected. The cremello’s heart splits in two at the very sight of them, but especially at the silver glimmer upon the filly’s nose. “Starsin, I . . .” His topaz eyes flick up to hers, uncertainty and love glowing in them. “She looks like a little dove,” is all he can muster, before settling on his side next to the filly. He merely smiles at the glowing red gaze of the colt, confusion present but mostly delight. Something strange must have happened with his magic.
“You could have come to me,” Lie finally whispers, though his tone contains none of the hurt he feels.
i don't want your pity, i just want somebody near me
guess i'm a coward, i just want to feel all right
@[Starsin]
