and let me crawl inside your veins. I'll build a wall, give you a ball and chain.
For one who loved games and manipulation, she had never predicted this.
She could have never imagined that one day he would be the one standing before her, that they would be the ones staring at each other with bruised eyes and fractured hearts. She had never planned on them becoming so twisted and tangled, and never would she have wanted him to be the one staring at her with such a coldness. Vadar had grown to hate her, and it had hurt, but only in that moment. He had been her first taste at humiliation, the first to flip the tables on her, but she was surprised at how quickly that fury faded. So much has happened that he rarely crossed her mind – not even in Sylva, where he had tried to kill her, had sex with her, and left her.
He was like a papercut, but Lie’s seething anger was like being split wide open.
The way he snaps at her and tells her that she is not sorry causes her to flinch, and this is when her resolve first begins to falter. But she sets her jaw tightly, her dark blue eyes growing cold and hard in an attempt to fight off the way she was splintering apart on the inside. She could handle Vadar, Brigade, even Kensa hating her. She could deal with nearly the entire world turning against her, but not if he turned, too.
She shakes her head against the barrage of his words, her heart leaping into her throat but she swallows it back down. “You know absolutely none of that is true. I’m sorry about Kensa. It was before me and you were….it was before we were anything.” She doesn’t even know what to call them. Doesn’t even know what to say they were, because she doesn’t know what they are. She can’t let herself think about it, because letting herself acknowledge they were, or ever could have been anything adds another painful twist to the story, another impossible complication. “But even then I never should have done it, and I’m sorry. I can’t fix it. I can’t change it. I should have told you, I know.”
He is chiseling away at her, relentlessly, and she can’t find the strength to keep him out. Her eyes blink rapidly but they still darken to an impossible blue with the tears that fill them, and her voice weakens and breaks. “You were never apart of my game. You have always known the real me, every single part of me. Every part of me that’s bad and good, I’ve never kept anything from you and nothing has been fake.” She steps towards him, even though she thinks he will continue to pull away. She fights the urge to reach for him, and instead she just watches him, with a gaping chasm full of mistakes resting between them. “It doesn’t matter if I love you, it doesn’t matter what either of us feel, because it’s not going to work. I would never leave Ophanim, and you know that. Just like I know that I would have always been second best to Kensa.” There is a watery tremble to her voice that she desperately tries to keep away, and she feels foolish for letting herself crumble. He was already so convinced that everything she had done and said was an act that she doesn’t expect him to trust the genuine way she is slowly shattering.
starsin
it’s not like me to be so mean. you’re all I wanted.
( just let me hold you Like a hostage. )
