Stars die in space constantly: thousands and thousands of years away infinitesimally small balls of gas burn out, or explode, or are reborn. Even in their death, their energy lives on. Their matter becomes another. Perhaps something purple, or orange, peach and green and red - matter desperate to become something else blossoms into a rainbow of impossible to imagine options. “Made of stardust” - isn’t that the silly phrase they whisper to each other in a universe far, far away from the pair of dying minds? Maybe if they had a god he would comfort them; but alas, they continue to face off in their selfish pain, unaware they are of the kinds of things that live past their desire-filled lives.
“Please stop,” he whispers as Starsin talks, closing his eyes tight against the sight of her breaking. His legs carry him a step backwards, head shaking back and forth with the weight of all of this knowledge. Ignorance calls to him with a soft hand and a gentle cusp of his cheek, telling him that life will be easy again if he just does not know . . . Stop, stop, stop, he thinks; but all of the sugar of their forbidden indulgences rots his teeth, and he cannot spit another rebuttal.
A scream builds in the back of Lie’s throats. His eyes fly open to reveal the stark red of shot vessels against the dangerous gold of his irises. When he opens his mouth to respond, nothing comes out - nothing until something finally does, a choked gasp, a last ditch arrow of fury:
“What the fuck do you know of Kensa?” The snarl is unforgiving, and his eyes go as hard as iron. The flats of his teeth grow to dangerous points, and he meets her approach with a deadly grace. “You know of the rose-colored tint I used to see her in? And you know the way she tastes? You know nothing, Starsin. For someone that can read minds, I never expected you to be so fucking narrow-minded.” He breathes in a shaky gasp, though it is not of pain but of all-encompassing anger and confusion, for even he does not know exactly what leaves his mouth. “Look at our last moments together, Starsin. Look.” He drags them to the front of his mind, relives the pain of Kensa’s robbery all to cruelly share it.
And he breaks, again and again, against the rocks of his lovers’ oceans.
Tears streak unbidden down his cheeks, and the lips that were raised in a growl begin to quiver. His eyes no longer carry a sword.
“She took and took and . . .” he chokes, “I was never enough. Please don’t tell me how I feel, Starsin. You . . . you have no idea.” His head falls to her neck, leaving Lie to hold his breathe against the sweet smell of her skin.
i don't want your pity, i just want somebody near me
guess i'm a coward, i just want to feel all right
