come to me in the night hours, i will wait for you
It is an unnameable pain that rises up inside her chest as she watches the pieces of him fragment in the same way she had reduced his memories of her to ungraspable dust. She watches the frown on his lips, watches his feet carry him closer even though they should be taking him somewhere away from her, somewhere safe. She watches his mouth open, watches thoughts swimming like fish in the backs of his eyes, and she is watching the moment her words return what she had stolen.
But she is still backing away from him, choosing the escape that he had so foolishly denied himself when he could’ve finally been free of this. Of her. Of the dark that runs through her in tangled veins, bleeding her until she is little more than poisoned shadow.
Luster? Her name on his lips would’ve been enough to halt her escape, but when his eyes open and search for her, she is suddenly shackled to him.
“I am not who I used to be.” She says, and though every part of her wants to turn from him in shame, those dark eyes never leave his face. She owes him this, at least. “And I am not sure that who I am now is someone worth knowing.”
She inhales, and the air in her chest feels ragged somehow, or maybe she is what’s ragged. Cautiously she steps closer again, close enough that he can see her in the dark despite the starless sky and thin ring of light like an imposter moon. “I don’t know if I am already broken or if I am still breaking, but I don’t want to hurt you. And that is what will happen if you stay.”
She shouldn’t, it’s cruel, but she reaches out to touch him, to let her nose brush the side of his cheek and further towards his neck, letting that be the thing that draws her closer still. It is a closeness that eases some of the ache inside her chest even as new pain takes root. A realization that this is someone worth knowing, and that she is certainly not. She is close enough now that she could tuck in against his chest and, for a moment, feel safe against the dark and warmth of him, but she cannot bring herself to do so lest she poison him with this corrosive kind of love.
Instead she closes her eyes and presses her cheek to the side of his neck, allowing herself a quiet moment to remember back to when she had been whole and bright and he had held her like she was something worth holding onto. It feels like an entire lifetime ago. “I am the worst thing you could have found in this ruined world, and I am sorry.” She would never take from him like that again, not ever. But he would be wise not to allow her a second opportunity.
even though i try not to
@[fenris]
@[The Monsters] please mess with her shadow camouflage