choke this love ‘til the veins start to shiver,
one last breath ‘til the tears start to wither --
She has never even dared to wish for something like this. She has let herself grow attached to him in silence, under the careful guise of understanding it was all a game. It was rarely anything more than that, she has come to learn, and in a last-ditch effort to protect the remaining shards of a bruised and broken heart, she did not often let herself think of it becoming anything else.
But she had wanted it.
No matter how much wiser she should become or how much more calloused she should be, she could not keep this particular desire at bay. It seeped through the cracks of her heart until it began to ache whenever he was gone and to twinge in a quiet jealousy when he was with someone else. She never spoke of it; she tried to not even so much as hint at it.
Not until everything began to fall apart, and it felt too late to gather up the pieces.
Even now, with the two of them tangled around each other, she waited for him to shut her out in some capacity. And she knew even if he did, that she would find a way to be okay with whatever of himself he has given her. She is not in the position to be greedy; she has never been. She takes what she can get, and she survives because she would rather have even a little bit of him than nothing at all.
Heat races across her skin when he kisses her cheek, and her heart nearly stops at what he says when he pulls her close again. “Mine?” A whispered question, one that is breathed in a quiet kind of disbelief. She doesn’t move from where she rests against him, her heart now beating fiercely from the inside of the chest that is pressed against his. She has, as she said, destroyed anything that has ever been hers. Skellig springs to her mind now, and she can feel the panic again welling up inside of her. Skellig had been hers, and she had been his, and she had ruined everything that they were simply because she could.
She runs her mouth against his shoulder, tries to imagine what it would be like to never touch him again, and decides that maybe for once in her life, she has learned from her mistakes.
“And I am yours,” she murmurs, and there is something almost possessive now in the way her lips trace a heated path across his neck, shifting just enough to press a touch against his jawline. “If you want me, despite everything that I have done, then I promise that things will be different now.” She would stay away from them – from Illum and Ashhal, from Larva, from anyone that managed to make her heart beat a little too fast.
She could be good, she swears she can, and she can stay away from all of them, except for one.
one last breath ‘til the tears start to wither --
She has never even dared to wish for something like this. She has let herself grow attached to him in silence, under the careful guise of understanding it was all a game. It was rarely anything more than that, she has come to learn, and in a last-ditch effort to protect the remaining shards of a bruised and broken heart, she did not often let herself think of it becoming anything else.
But she had wanted it.
No matter how much wiser she should become or how much more calloused she should be, she could not keep this particular desire at bay. It seeped through the cracks of her heart until it began to ache whenever he was gone and to twinge in a quiet jealousy when he was with someone else. She never spoke of it; she tried to not even so much as hint at it.
Not until everything began to fall apart, and it felt too late to gather up the pieces.
Even now, with the two of them tangled around each other, she waited for him to shut her out in some capacity. And she knew even if he did, that she would find a way to be okay with whatever of himself he has given her. She is not in the position to be greedy; she has never been. She takes what she can get, and she survives because she would rather have even a little bit of him than nothing at all.
Heat races across her skin when he kisses her cheek, and her heart nearly stops at what he says when he pulls her close again. “Mine?” A whispered question, one that is breathed in a quiet kind of disbelief. She doesn’t move from where she rests against him, her heart now beating fiercely from the inside of the chest that is pressed against his. She has, as she said, destroyed anything that has ever been hers. Skellig springs to her mind now, and she can feel the panic again welling up inside of her. Skellig had been hers, and she had been his, and she had ruined everything that they were simply because she could.
She runs her mouth against his shoulder, tries to imagine what it would be like to never touch him again, and decides that maybe for once in her life, she has learned from her mistakes.
“And I am yours,” she murmurs, and there is something almost possessive now in the way her lips trace a heated path across his neck, shifting just enough to press a touch against his jawline. “If you want me, despite everything that I have done, then I promise that things will be different now.” She would stay away from them – from Illum and Ashhal, from Larva, from anyone that managed to make her heart beat a little too fast.
She could be good, she swears she can, and she can stay away from all of them, except for one.
-- ryatah.