11-20-2015, 12:09 PM
tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us They come and go in waves, the ghosts. Not every spirit of Beqanna haunts the strange stretch of beach – indeed, not even all of them are spirits. She knows, because she looks for them, calls their names. She finds her children, but they are transient and do not want to stay long. Even Shiv, who had stood so loyal at her side in life, wants little to do with her. (But then, she can’t blame him. She sinned with her own son, and his father after that, created a nameless child born under a caul. She never knew whose it was. Never knew if it lived. She calls herself a good mother, a loving mother, but she also turned her back to motherhood to follow her foolish heart to the end of the world.) She looks for Myrddin, too – in part because she loved (loves?) him, in part because she knows it would spite Carnage, to know who she was here with. He doesn’t answer her calls. She wonders if her dark god has blocked him from being here, a petty and jealous move he was entirely capable of. She misses Graveling. Misses children. The ones who are here are sad, because in them lurks untimely ends – they are the children stillborn, the ones who met death too soon. They hurt to look at. She is surrounded by ghosts and she is alone. She moves, restless. It feels good to move – she had spent decades standing still – so she paces the beach. It is not a large stretch of land, but it shifts, sometimes. She can’t explain it. The place is made of a magic she doesn’t comprehend, doesn’t care to. As long as it lets her live, as long as she moves, it’s okay. It’s okay. She sees him and tells herself she wasn’t looking for him even if it’s a bit of a lie. She tries not to hope, because there’s been enough of that in her life. Still. She cannot help but smile as she moves closer. She speaks his name – “Ramiel!” – before she realizes he’s dozing amongst the dead, and the name slows in her throat. |