04-08-2016, 11:13 AM
Just as an FYI, since this is a mock battle and not an actual battle, any player can judge it or offer critique on it – it doesn’t have to be an officer 
ARCHAM POST 1
+ comparison of size versus agility
- is the rearing and punching an attack? It’s not really clear. Also, the wording with “swaying hooves back and forth” is difficult to picture –what exactly is archam doing?
- where on the neck is he attacking? How far away is he from brynmor? What side of the neck is he aiming for? Why is he only trying to hit with one hoof? Needs much more detail.
o there’s no point in dodging when an attack hasn’t even been made - what if brynmor were to attack to the right? Then your dodge would do exactly the opposite of what its intended to do
- what is “lunged back in approach? Is he not still standing directly beside brynmor, but turning to the right? Needs more detail/explanation
- again, what side is he attacking? Presumably the same side as before? Where on the stomach?
- horse teeth are not sharp enough to rip off a chunk of flesh
+ backing up to distance himself
BRYNMOR POST 1
+ comparison of size, training, agility
+ keeping archam in his line of sight
- how does he avoid the strike? Presumably sidestepping, based on where it lands, but explain that
- wrapping a leg over a horse that is 8.5 inches taller is not an easy thing to extricate from – also what damage does he intend to do by biting down on archam’s throat? Horse teeth can’t hold on long enough to cut off air and aren’t sharp enough to tear
- which way did he turn, when getting away? Describe more
+ good counterattack
+ good running away to distance himself
ARCHAM POST 2
+ took attack well
- again, horse teeth are not sharp, and they lack the jaw strength required to rip flesh off other horses
+ good taking of second attack
- No mention of how it affects him, he just charges forward – getting kicked in the chest is going to hamper him for at least a little while
+ good second attack, using his larger size
- what shoulder is he aiming at brynmor? What side is he attack? where on brynmor’s body? Describe more
BRYNMOR POST 2
- Archam is running after Brynmor kicks him in the chest, so there is no turning to wait. you did write him as turning, but need to modify his positon based on the actios of the reply
+ good taking of attack, despite incorrect positioning
- Kicking with the back leg at a horse facing the opposite direction isn’t going to land
+ good description of position and second attack
Overall comments: You both could use a lot more description. Where exactly are you aiming? Why? What will be the result? Detail detail detail! Keep in mind that you need to modify your posts based on the other’s actions, even if you wrote something that now contradicts itself. Change is good. Remember –horse teeth are not capable of ripping flesh
Scores
Archam: + - - o - - - + + - + - + - (-3)
Brynmor: + + - - - + + - + - + (1)
Winner: Brynmor
ARCHAM POST 1
+ comparison of size versus agility
- is the rearing and punching an attack? It’s not really clear. Also, the wording with “swaying hooves back and forth” is difficult to picture –what exactly is archam doing?
- where on the neck is he attacking? How far away is he from brynmor? What side of the neck is he aiming for? Why is he only trying to hit with one hoof? Needs much more detail.
o there’s no point in dodging when an attack hasn’t even been made - what if brynmor were to attack to the right? Then your dodge would do exactly the opposite of what its intended to do
- what is “lunged back in approach? Is he not still standing directly beside brynmor, but turning to the right? Needs more detail/explanation
- again, what side is he attacking? Presumably the same side as before? Where on the stomach?
- horse teeth are not sharp enough to rip off a chunk of flesh
+ backing up to distance himself
BRYNMOR POST 1
+ comparison of size, training, agility
+ keeping archam in his line of sight
- how does he avoid the strike? Presumably sidestepping, based on where it lands, but explain that
- wrapping a leg over a horse that is 8.5 inches taller is not an easy thing to extricate from – also what damage does he intend to do by biting down on archam’s throat? Horse teeth can’t hold on long enough to cut off air and aren’t sharp enough to tear
- which way did he turn, when getting away? Describe more
+ good counterattack
+ good running away to distance himself
ARCHAM POST 2
+ took attack well
- again, horse teeth are not sharp, and they lack the jaw strength required to rip flesh off other horses
+ good taking of second attack
- No mention of how it affects him, he just charges forward – getting kicked in the chest is going to hamper him for at least a little while
+ good second attack, using his larger size
- what shoulder is he aiming at brynmor? What side is he attack? where on brynmor’s body? Describe more
BRYNMOR POST 2
- Archam is running after Brynmor kicks him in the chest, so there is no turning to wait. you did write him as turning, but need to modify his positon based on the actios of the reply
+ good taking of attack, despite incorrect positioning
- Kicking with the back leg at a horse facing the opposite direction isn’t going to land
+ good description of position and second attack
Overall comments: You both could use a lot more description. Where exactly are you aiming? Why? What will be the result? Detail detail detail! Keep in mind that you need to modify your posts based on the other’s actions, even if you wrote something that now contradicts itself. Change is good. Remember –horse teeth are not capable of ripping flesh
Scores
Archam: + - - o - - - + + - + - + - (-3)
Brynmor: + + - - - + + - + - + (1)
Winner: Brynmor