06-30-2016, 02:26 PM
Even he is not sure that he meant to keep his original promise.
It had been convenient then. Not a lie, but not a whole truth, either. I won’t leave you, he’d said, knowing that he couldn’t leave her even if he wanted to. Knowing that if he did, he would be struck down in the end, anyway – their dark god would never allow total failure to go unpunished. His quick loyalty to the black light at the end of the universe had been gallant, chivalrous, self-preserving. But he had been a boy caught up in the thrill of it all. He had agreed to something bigger than he could have ever anticipated, tugged on a thread with no thought to what waited for him at the end of it. He had found himself precariously perched above waters that would swallow him up and never spit him back out again.
He had said what he needed to say to keep from slipping under.
But Ramiel has always had a golden heart beneath his dark mind. He will do what is best for Gail for her own sake, as long as it aligns with his own safety. Fortunately, for the both of them, crossroads have never come between them. Even here, in a land that should separate them quite permanently, he answers her call because no harm will come to him.
She needs him, and he won’t leave her.
Yet.
Because he will always have to walk away. No matter how great her crisis or loneliness or desire otherwise, he will always have to fade back into the Other Side. And each time he leaves her, he will feel that same thread being pulled taut in his shining heart. Like the distance from his anchor is far too much to allow for more movement apart. He hates failing her, hates breaking that same promises time and again. She doesn’t know words that were once mere convenience have become more, multiplied into a million more sentences he can’t find in his dark brain.
She touches him back and the words flee him again. Ramiel can feel her, even though he knows he shouldn’t. He shouldn’t be able to feel her, a ghost, a relic, but he does. He shouldn’t feel her at all, anyway. Ea swims in his eyes so he closes them and breathes Gail in instead. But there is nothing there (there is so much there) to smell. When she pulls away, the shifter feels the smallest tug in his chest but it is from her reply, rather than the distance she puts between them. So Carnage is not responsible this time. Possibly. He can’t say he isn’t pleased to hear the mage is leaving his once-lover to a well-deserved peace.
But she doesn’t tell him what to do. He cannot combat her fear by doing anything like he had done before. There is only so much comfort he can provide before he fades away, before he waits in the Dale for her next call, whenever that may be. If she has no answers, he will have to find a solution himself. “I will do anything, I hope you know that.” Ram reaches for her again, so instinctual to pull her close, to soothe her. She is no wall of iron like Ea… But just as he thinks it, he remembers himself and stops. “You are the bravest woman I’ve ever known, Gail. But if you want me to stay with you, for a while, I will. We can face this together.” His eyes draw up to slowly meet her gaze. He doesn’t know the implications of lingering too long in this place, doesn’t know how time moves compared to on the Other Side. But if she needs him, he imagines he will soon learn.
It had been convenient then. Not a lie, but not a whole truth, either. I won’t leave you, he’d said, knowing that he couldn’t leave her even if he wanted to. Knowing that if he did, he would be struck down in the end, anyway – their dark god would never allow total failure to go unpunished. His quick loyalty to the black light at the end of the universe had been gallant, chivalrous, self-preserving. But he had been a boy caught up in the thrill of it all. He had agreed to something bigger than he could have ever anticipated, tugged on a thread with no thought to what waited for him at the end of it. He had found himself precariously perched above waters that would swallow him up and never spit him back out again.
He had said what he needed to say to keep from slipping under.
But Ramiel has always had a golden heart beneath his dark mind. He will do what is best for Gail for her own sake, as long as it aligns with his own safety. Fortunately, for the both of them, crossroads have never come between them. Even here, in a land that should separate them quite permanently, he answers her call because no harm will come to him.
She needs him, and he won’t leave her.
Yet.
Because he will always have to walk away. No matter how great her crisis or loneliness or desire otherwise, he will always have to fade back into the Other Side. And each time he leaves her, he will feel that same thread being pulled taut in his shining heart. Like the distance from his anchor is far too much to allow for more movement apart. He hates failing her, hates breaking that same promises time and again. She doesn’t know words that were once mere convenience have become more, multiplied into a million more sentences he can’t find in his dark brain.
She touches him back and the words flee him again. Ramiel can feel her, even though he knows he shouldn’t. He shouldn’t be able to feel her, a ghost, a relic, but he does. He shouldn’t feel her at all, anyway. Ea swims in his eyes so he closes them and breathes Gail in instead. But there is nothing there (there is so much there) to smell. When she pulls away, the shifter feels the smallest tug in his chest but it is from her reply, rather than the distance she puts between them. So Carnage is not responsible this time. Possibly. He can’t say he isn’t pleased to hear the mage is leaving his once-lover to a well-deserved peace.
But she doesn’t tell him what to do. He cannot combat her fear by doing anything like he had done before. There is only so much comfort he can provide before he fades away, before he waits in the Dale for her next call, whenever that may be. If she has no answers, he will have to find a solution himself. “I will do anything, I hope you know that.” Ram reaches for her again, so instinctual to pull her close, to soothe her. She is no wall of iron like Ea… But just as he thinks it, he remembers himself and stops. “You are the bravest woman I’ve ever known, Gail. But if you want me to stay with you, for a while, I will. We can face this together.” His eyes draw up to slowly meet her gaze. He doesn’t know the implications of lingering too long in this place, doesn’t know how time moves compared to on the Other Side. But if she needs him, he imagines he will soon learn.
R A M I E L
this is a man pulling at his iron chains