07-14-2016, 08:36 PM
"Do you need to talk, love?"
My eyes close at the pain that spears itself through my heart. I do. I need to unload so much but how can I when it's the one thing that makes him so damn happy. I swear I'm surprised that he's not glowing with how happy he had been at Dad's announcement. I shouldn't want to lean into him and tell him it all. There's something there that is just a little bit more than brother and sister. Something with just a little more weight than normal love.
I'm pretty sure I fell head over heels in love with him. I'm pretty sure that that moment when he let me in, let me past all those high walls and broken shards of glass that I fell...hard. One moment I had just been holding him close, doing what I could to mend those broken shards and then...my heart had stumbled and then fallen.
What kind of a shitstorm would that bring down on our family? Could we ever even let it be more than anything more than a few stolen kisses in the dark? Glancing looks, small touches that set my heart on fire? Could we let it be anything more even just to keep our family unhurt? Would mom and dad look at us with disgust? I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't take away the one thing that he had always wanted. Family, and love. He just wanted to belong and even if mom was gone and dad was busy, they had still taken us in and loved us.
I had been alone long enough that the distance wouldn't hurt me. I'd expect it after all, even if I would think it was stupid. We weren't even blood related, so what difference would it make?
Ugh, so do I want to talk? Yes. Yes Nevi I do. But I can't because it will break your damn heart. And I can't do that.
So I smile, snuggling closer to him, pressing my side against him until we are touching everywhere. I touch my nose to his neck and trail it lightly up to settle in the hollow right behind his cheek. "I'm okay." I say, but maybe maybe we can talk about our plans and I can let a little bit of this out. "What do you think of Dad's announcement?" I say finally after a little bit of a pause. My head dropping to lay near his chest, draped across one of his legs.
My eyes close at the pain that spears itself through my heart. I do. I need to unload so much but how can I when it's the one thing that makes him so damn happy. I swear I'm surprised that he's not glowing with how happy he had been at Dad's announcement. I shouldn't want to lean into him and tell him it all. There's something there that is just a little bit more than brother and sister. Something with just a little more weight than normal love.
I'm pretty sure I fell head over heels in love with him. I'm pretty sure that that moment when he let me in, let me past all those high walls and broken shards of glass that I fell...hard. One moment I had just been holding him close, doing what I could to mend those broken shards and then...my heart had stumbled and then fallen.
What kind of a shitstorm would that bring down on our family? Could we ever even let it be more than anything more than a few stolen kisses in the dark? Glancing looks, small touches that set my heart on fire? Could we let it be anything more even just to keep our family unhurt? Would mom and dad look at us with disgust? I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't take away the one thing that he had always wanted. Family, and love. He just wanted to belong and even if mom was gone and dad was busy, they had still taken us in and loved us.
I had been alone long enough that the distance wouldn't hurt me. I'd expect it after all, even if I would think it was stupid. We weren't even blood related, so what difference would it make?
Ugh, so do I want to talk? Yes. Yes Nevi I do. But I can't because it will break your damn heart. And I can't do that.
So I smile, snuggling closer to him, pressing my side against him until we are touching everywhere. I touch my nose to his neck and trail it lightly up to settle in the hollow right behind his cheek. "I'm okay." I say, but maybe maybe we can talk about our plans and I can let a little bit of this out. "What do you think of Dad's announcement?" I say finally after a little bit of a pause. My head dropping to lay near his chest, draped across one of his legs.