"But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura
She had been exhausted. A soul-deep weariness that had not been easy to shake, even with the aid of healers. But then, emotional turmoil is not nearly so easy to heal as physical injury. And it seems everything that she had buried deep so long has been loosed. Something she would vastly prefer not to remember, if only she could meddle with memory as easily as she could sight.
It’s incredibly tempting to remain here forever, hidden away from the world. But she never could; she is not built to hide in the shadows unseen and unnoticed. Besides, there is only so long she could go on covering her presence here. It had seemed easier, at the time, to take her newly born children and seclude them in this small corner of the island. The moment she’d had the strength, she’d taken them and fled, using what energy she had left to ensure no one could follow.
Dovev would be furious, no doubt. But then, it was his fault she is in this entire mess to begin with. Let him be angry. He’d let her stew in her own anger and frustration for months. He could have a taste of his own medicine, even if it is only a brief one.
There was only so long she could sustain the illusion that would keep them from her heels. The others, no doubt, would take the hint and leave her in peace. She holds no faith that Dovev would do the same however. She had hoped learning of Luster and her children might knock some sort of sense into him. She knows now it had been a futile attempt. No, the man has a head like stone.
It had been so easy once to ignore those rampant feeling he stirred in her. Now, it has become exponentially more difficult, especially when he bulls his way right through any attempt she makes to keep some sort of distance between them. Now, with every one of her defenses hopelessly smashed, she could only the hope consequences do not destroy them both.
She runs her muzzle gently along her children’s downy withers, nuzzling the soft fluff of their wayward manes. She had fed them the moment they had arrived, and now they lay curled together, tucked against her as she lay protectively beside them. She tenderly rearranges Dagen’s wings, the boy she’d been so certain she would be having. The girl had surprised her, though perhaps she shouldn’t have. So much so she hadn’t even been prepared with a name.
She supposes she must think of one now.
Time enough for that later though. Her misdirection has faded by now. No doubt their father would arrive any moment.
She'd removed herself from his sight, and likely from everyone else's too. She'd left him! And he was fucking hunting her now. He snarled as her scent got stronger, his eyes dark and furious. Each step he took was a quick curse in his mind, hating what she'd done. She'd stolen it from him. She'd taken this moment from him, the chance to see his baby born.
Fuck. He wasn't crying.
He'd only seen Atrani's birth and she hated him. He had Defy and Zoe and he'd missed both their births. Now he was missing this one, too. How could she do that to him? His anger was laced with so much damn hurt and even a little betrayal. He sniffed, wiping his cheek before coming to an abrupt halt near her, vigilantly ignoring the little bodies - oh, god, two of them - or they'd just steal all this rage away from him and he wanted to be pissed. He deserved to be pissed.
"Fuck you!" he spat at her harshly, gaze trained on her with a wild fury and pain. "What the fuck, Heartfire! Why??" God, he had to wipe at his damn cheek again. This was so fucking stupid. Out of everyone he'd ever fucking known.. Fuck, that really hurt.
"How could you take him from me!?" Them. He meant them. Two of them, fuck. "How could you fuckin' do this??" He was all kinds of fuckin' fired up and he wavered somewhere between leaving her stupid ass here or stomping over there and ripping her goddamn throat out. His lips peeled back and his body coiled because he really fucking wanted to do that. He was clearly nothing to her, why should she be anything to him?
"I get that you didn't want me. And you didn't want my kid. But you can't just fucking take them from me! They're mine too!"
She can feel his anger the moment he arrives, almost palpable in the air around him. She’d been prepared for the anger, but what she hadn’t been prepared for was the hurt. But she shouldn’t have been surprised. After all, that’s what she does. She hurts those she cares for, like a goddamned curse.
She closes her eyes, remaining silent while he rages at her. Hadn’t it been enough that she’d had to give birth before an audience? Every instinct she has had been screaming at her to get away, to keep her children safe. She couldn’t protect them from everyone there, she hadn’t had the strength.
So she’d done the only thing she could think of in the moment.
It hadn’t been her intention the leave him behind, not consciously. But she’d been too weak to refine her abilities more. He’d been nothing more than a casualty to her exhaustion. Not that she would expect him to believe such a thing. She has always been a very deliberate creature, and that had been anything but deliberate. But was it even worth trying to convince him of that?
When he hurls his final insults at her, his tirade winding down, she opens her eyes. Her gaze focuses on him, surprisingly gentle, lacking the hardness that made them such weapons. “If I didn’t want you, we wouldn’t be in this mess,” she counters, unable to help herself. “And if I wanted to take them from you, you would never have found us.”
She stares at him for a long moment then, teetering on the edge of something more. But she has already made herself so vulnerable before him. Too vulnerable. Just then, whether fortunate or unfortunate, their daughter begins to squirm against her, drawing her attention. She drops her head, fussing over the girl as she slowly wakes. “I just needed to protect them,” she finally whispers, placing a tender kiss on her small forehead.
She nuzzles briefly at little Dagen too, but the red and white girl has become more alert, blue eyes wide as her gaze moves slowly between the two of them. Heartfire brushes gently at her wispy mane before urging, “Say hi to your daddy, darling.”
Her wide eyes pop up to Dovev, curious and innocent. “Da da?” she says softly, testing the syllables on her tongue. Her features brighten then, a little grin touching her lips as she beams at him. “Dada!”
Heartfire smiles at that, unable to help herself. Her children have always been her greatest vulnerability, but also her greatest pride. They stole her heart without even trying. In that moment, she doesn’t even realize how open her features have become, a rare glimpse into her very soul, if one bothered to look closely enough.
Her gaze turns to Dovev then, unconsciously softened by love. “Come meet them, Dovev,” she offers, a rare invitation. “Lay with us.”
She just laid there in silence and let him rant and rave at her, those blue eyes closed off from him. Until he was done. And then she opened them, settled on him gently and talked softly. "If I didn't want you, we wouldn't be in this mess." He frowned. "And if I wanted to take them from you, you would never have found us."
His eyes darkened and he scowled down at her hard. The hell he wouldn't find her. He wouldn't have stopped until he found them.
She looked like she was about to say something more, but their daughter shifted against her. Heartfire leaned in and fussed over her quietly, so damn tender it made his heart ache. That was his baby she was lovin' on like that. She really liked her? She liked them?
"I just needed to protect them."
He ducked his head and watched from where he was, his anger washed out and replaced with anxiety, his brows raised and pulled together. All he had was Atrani, and now all of a sudden he had Zoe and Defy and Briella. And now these two. Honestly, he would've questioned if they were his had his first baby not been a precious redhead too. Alright, fine. And because Heartfire had likely been too busy to sleep with someone else. It took him fucking years to get anything from her.
She nuzzled at his little boy too, all cuddled in with them, but baby girl with her momma's blue gaze was looking at him. Goddamn, Heartfire. She was doing it on purpose so he couldn't be fucking pissed anymore and it was working. He was a damn puddle of blurry-eyed pathetic, watching that tiny girl test out the sound of daddy and beaming up at him like he wasn't the damn devil himself.
He sniffed and raised his eyes to his Dagger, observing her reaction, needing the confirmation that it was okay for her to call him that. Zoe still didn't know she was his and maybe Heartfire didn't want that either. It didn't seem to matter that it was their momma that told her to call him that, he still needed to be sure.
There was only love and softness on her face though, and she definitely had no idea how gorgeous she was when she looked like that or she'd wear that expression a hell of a lot more. He wasn't even sorry for the little spark of heat in his eyes as he stared back like some kinda wild animal, mouth drying and craving more.
"Come meet them, Dovev. Lay with us."
Well, he'd probably never hear those words from her again and he wasn't about to pass up on them now. He joined them, curling up so that their babies were tucked in between them, black eyes so soft like shadow on their little faces. God, and his boy had wings. Another one. That was just insane. And look at his girl's eyes lookin' like her sexy momma. Fuck, they were perfect. It ached so damn deeply that they were red like Atrani, so completely precious. It made him so damn vulnerable and he hoped Heartfire hadn't looked that far back into his memories. Or remembered.
"What are their names?" he whispered, meeting a teeny nose with a soft touch as the boy sniffed at him curiously, sticking close to his momma's side. The girl had his attention next and he breathed over her little neck, lipped at the curve of muscle with a face as dumb and soft as Heartfire's had been. He hoped Briella would like them. He should call for her soon.
She watches him with them, seeing the gentleness that overcomes his harsh facade as he pauses to consider their children. For all his ferocity, that paternal affection seems to come so easily to him. It stirs a curious feeling in her breast, one she tries not to examine too closely. This man (the one she is discovering so much of today) would be far too easy to love, but she already knows this would be a dangerous road to tread. He wouldn’t want her love anyway. Couldn’t.
Hers is not any easy love.
But she could love their children. She couldn’t stop herself, even if she wanted to. Perhaps they deserved better than her as a mother, but they are hers now. They would always be hers. Her gaze drops to them, feeling that love swell in her chest. She had felt this too, when Rapture and Longclaw had been born. But it’s different, she thinks. So very different. Her gaze shifts to Dovev again, where he’d curled up across from her, his dark eyes so soft and vulnerable. His love and wonder so visible. It was him, she thinks. It’s so different because it was him. This is what had been missing last time.
Because they are as precious to him as they are to her.
Their daughter is squirming again, trying to reach her father. She’s so curious, her blue eyes wide and filled with wonder. She does not see anything frightening about him. No, to her, he seems pretty fantastic. A daddy to hold her and cuddle with her, just as mommy had done. He seems so safe. She reaches out to him, exploring the edges of his bone mask with her little nose as he brushes against her neck. But then she’s squirming again, a soft, determined little huff escaping her as struggles closer, curling against his chest. Then, with a satisfied sigh and sleepy little yawn, she settles her cheek on one of his sturdy legs as she blinks sleepily at mommy and Dagen from beneath the shelter of daddy’s neck.
Heartfire cannot seem to help the amused little smile that twitches her lips as she watches them. It seems he would not escape their daughter’s affections. Watching the little red filly had distracted her from his question for a moment, but when she looks up at Dovev once more, her expression is softly amused, forgetting to police her features as she so often does.
“This is Dagen,” she finally answers, reaching down to brush her muzzle gently along their son’s soft neck. He had remained by her side, causing her heart to squeeze a little inside her chest as she lips at his mane. Her boy. “I... hadn’t planned on twins,” she continues wryly. She should’ve known better, given her surprise at her first set of twins. But she’d stubbornly refused to consider the possibility. “So I’m still working on a name for her.” Her gaze settles onto the girl, soft and thoughtful as she considers the possibilities further.
He grinned, his eyes soft as he watched their girl struggle to get closer to him without aiding her. The boy's fluffy little wings bristled when she nudged him too much, flipping his ears back and striking out at her in irritation with a gummy bite, then wiggling in closer to his mom with a little huff.
His baby girl though. So fearless. She touched over his bone, squirmed on into place against his chest and settled right in. He bent down to massage her with his muzzle, lipping at the root of her little crested mane and pushing against her shoulder and neck.
"This is Dagen."
Her face and her voice were so damn soft. She actually seemed happy which was kinda startling but made him feel, fuck, like he might've done something right for once. Even if it had been an accident, completely unintentional. Look at these babies though. He couldn't possibly regret it. Look at Heartfire's face. She's a damn new woman, like she's whole.
"Dagen," he repeated with a mischeivous smile. A bit like Dagger, almost. He liked that. His little dagger boy. He reached out to touch him again, but ended up pulling back with a soft chuckle as it was clear their boy took after his momma's moods and flipped his ears back at him, giving him a gummy little bite too and pressing closer against Heartfire.
Salty little thing.
Baby didn't have a name yet though, and he returned his attention to her, nudging at her again a little more roughly than he meant to. She was so damn beautiful. So bold to come to him, so brash to take what she wanted and make herself comfortable exactly where she'd wanted to be. He chuckled again, giving a couple playful bites to her neck.
"She is Brazen." He hadn't meant to name her, but it wasn't wrong. "Brazen and beautiful." And his.
He reached over their babies to lean into Heartfire, rub his cheek against her neck. She still needed rest and nourishment, still so thin from sacrificing every bit of herself to protecting them and nurturing them. The quiet heat hadn't left his eyes and he spread a different sort of bite up her neck with a low hum, earning him more toothless nips from the boy at her side. He grinned and ignored him. He was brazen too and would take what he wanted.
Someone so important was missing though and he retreated back, turning his head to call out for her.
those bright crooked stars, man they're howlin’ out thought you read them all right, had them all figured out
She kicked him! Was all that squirming really worth it??
So he stretched out and tried to bite her, toothless as he was. He even punctuated it with a sharp huff, pointedly scooting in closer to Mom who was NOT kicking people.
Dad tried to reach out for him, but no! He already got his sister, Dad didn't get to just come in like he owns him too and take whatever he wanted. He was sulking probably, but he didn't care. Dad was cool. But Dad could be cool later and just cuddle his sister instead, okay. Leave him alone. The damage was done.
Brazen, Dad called her.
What the fuck! Then that black nose was snaking right in again and helping himself to Mom. No! Nuh-uh. He and Mom are BUSY, couldn't he see? So he growled and gave him more nips as hard as he could, irritated further that they didn't seem to do much good. Didn't really have any effect, actually. Could Dad even feel that??
Now he really was sulking, and he huffed again, ducking his head and curling up tight. Maybe accidentally purposefully kicking Dad a little out of spite and quiet defiance, but he didn't even have the decency to notice.
Whatever.
At least Mom was perfect. She held him still and loved on him without kicking him. Plus, she was that gorgeous blue, and he suited her so well. Like fire red and ice blue, all pressed together and clashing in the most beautiful way. He matched Brazen. They could be an inferno. But he loved this red and blue of him and Mom together.
learned every constellation, just to find where you're at
It’s almost like seeing an entirely new man coming to life before her eyes. Not quite, because it is still most certainly him. Still Dovev beneath it all. But watching him with their children is like parting the curtains to an entirely new world. One where their past sins don’t seem to matter quite so much. One where those sins could birth such impossibly perfect, beautiful new souls.
It shouldn’t matter so much, shouldn’t burrow so deeply into her very being, and yet it does.
But there is time to consider the ramifications later. In this moment, the deep-seated fear that has lingered so long in her breast doesn’t seem to matter. May as well not even exist, for as easy as it is to shove to deepest corners of her thoughts. Instead she allows herself to become lost in them, in watching the way he fusses over the bright-eyed little girl, in his amusement at Dagen’s irritable nips, in the warmth of her boy as he snuggles closer to her.
She drops her muzzle to him, brushing his tufted mane and folded wings tenderly. She is only distracted when Dovev makes a name suggestion for their daughter. An entirely inappropriate one, she might add. A faint scowl touches her lips as her blue gaze jumps to his. “We can’t…” she begins disapprovingly before trailing off as her eyes fall to the filly curled beneath his neck. Her head had popped up, eyes brightening as she looks adoringly up at her father. A little grin had stolen across her lips. She looks at Heartfire, at Dagen, before repeating, “Brazen.”
Heartfire frowns, shifts a bit before stilling, unwilling to disturb Dagen. Her gaze moves disapprovingly between the two of them for a moment before she sighs, her eyes dropping to consider her daughter thoughtfully for a moment. “I suppose… it’s fitting,” she finally concedes.
The last vestiges of her disapproval disappear when he leans in, his cheek warm against her neck. She stills, surprised, until he traces a line of heated nips along her skin. She shivers, her eyes darkening almost imperceptibly as she presses her own lips against his skin, teeth pinching briefly, teasingly. She allows her nose to drag across his neck, his cheek, as he retreats. Her lips quirk for a just a moment, eyes trailing him until Dagen curls more tightly against her with an irritated huff. Faintly amused, she drops her head to nuzzle him reassuringly.
It seems her little Dagen possesses a jealous streak. Unsurprising, considering his parents, but still she finds herself absurdly pleased by how determined he is to guard her against Dovev.
cold in the violence after the war hope is a fire to keep us warm
She snorts when Dagen nips at her, bobbing her nose at him to shoo him away. Really! She couldn’t help it if he got grumpy so easily. She hadn’t kicked him that hard. Only a nudge really. Besides, it’s not like he hadn’t knee’d her in the face enough times when they’d been in that nice dark warm place. He should be glad she is so forgiving!
Leaning happily into Daddy, she rubs her face against him when he nudges at her, wobbling a little beneath his affectionate touches. She sighs heavily as she settles her cheek against his knee, blinking sleepily and Mommy and Dagen. She isn’t paying too much attention as Mom and Dad talk above her, instead enjoying the way his voice rumbles through his chest. It’s such a warm, comforting sound.
It isn’t until Dad reaches down to nip gently at her neck that she stirs. She blinks up at him, and when he lifts his head, she reaches out her little nose to bite at his chin, just like he’d done on her neck.
He’s talking again though, and she immediately perks up when he calls her Brazen. Beaming up at him, she grins. She really likes how that word sounds. Dagen got to be Dagen, and she would be Brazen. “Brazen,” she repeats, testing the syllables out on her tongue. It sounds a little different in her high-pitched, childish voice, but she still likes it.
Mom doesn’t seem happy for a minute. But she thinks maybe that’s just how Mom is sometimes. Besides, it’s her name, not Mommy’s. And Daddy seemed to like it, which, in her youthful mind, settled the matter.
She’s distracted when Dad leans forward though, squishing her a little bit as he reaches out to Mom. She squeaks, ears splaying sideways as she flattens herself against him. She peers up at him with one blue eye, scowling. Totally missing the byplay between Mommy and Daddy. Besides, gross! She would’ve been glad to miss it if she’d known.
She huffs when he leans back again before squirming in closer. He could squish her all he wanted, this is her spot! She isn’t leaving it. Not even for whoever he is calling over to them right now.
Don't look at me, I'm only breathing. Don't look at me, I'm indiscreet.
Brazen, my name is Brazen…
No- their name is Brazen.
I’m not Brazen, I’m Nyctelios: that’s what Mordgeld says, mother… my fathers too.
Inside the womb it was warm, wet and it felt like I was floating; but it my consciousness I could feel: no, it was theirs. I could feel every developing emotion and thought: the first spark of our brains.
Our synapses go off at the same time: we breathe at the same time, and in the end we open our eyes to world at the same time.
It is much brighter than I could know.
The confusion and cold: the sudden adrenaline rush.
“Hello?” I think,- I ask. “What is this? Brazen? Hello?”
It’s an easy thing- like speaking into a phone. I can feel their feber of being and their every splinter of soul- I can feel the way they are flitting between life and emotions, and I’m certain that they experience the terror that I do.
Because with us: there is a sudden sensation of wild anger and fear, the echoing thoughts of shouting as my Father’s are yelling and prowling- as they grow bitter at Kagerus.
“Please stop fighting.” I think, not realizing my ghost is there, my second skin…
I think about their words, about Mordgeld pulling me close: I think about the smell of stagnant seawater and ice… of death because, she: my mother, is a creature older than death itself.
My Fathers are different, younger and impetuous; but so deeply protective they bicker and argue with Kagerus and I think every bit of it.
I wonder is this skin can come off.
“Who is that?” I ask, the image of bones on body and of star-markings… of a blue woman and a boy. “Are they you?” I question- habit because they are there.
“Please…”
@[Brazen] Your headfriend is here. OOC Note, he's actually only a telepathic/empathetic presence in Brazen and is not physically here.
PVP: On
Severe Injury, Permanent Mutilation, and Death Permitted.
