08-06-2016, 04:22 PM
(This post was last modified: 08-06-2016, 09:29 PM by Drow.
Edit Reason: because proofreading
)
Silver button down shirt, the top few buttons left undone because fuck it. Soft and silky and smooth beneath my fingers as I brush my hands down my chest, straightening the shirt before I tug on the black jacket that matches the suit pants. I was always more of a barely-clothed kind of guy, running around human before. Legs bare, chest bare, vital bits covered for practicality’s sake. This is nice, though. Sharp, clean, and the silk of the shirt feels good against my skin. Okay. Deep breath, and I’m ready.
Well, almost.
Hey, Mom. I look up at the moon, shining down from so far above. So far away. Look, I know she’s not there, not like...standing on the surface of the moon staring down at me. Dumb to think that just because the full moon is standing witness it means that my dead mom is too. But...but I’d give almost anything to have her standing here in front of me. Straightening my collar, brushing the hair out of my eyes, hell, maybe even tearing up a little at the thought of her baby boy about to get married.
Not that Mom was ever really one to cry. But weddings, man, you know?
I love you. And I wish you were here. Is it fucked up that...that part of me is glad things played out the way they did? If you hadn’t made the choices you did, I might not be standing here today. Getting ready to meet my Zur and swear my life to him. Dad to four amazing girls, and don’t think I’ve forgotten you made the first one possible. I miss you. All the damn time, even now. Got any advice?
The wry grin on my face is answer enough. Of course not. Or at least, none I’d be able to hear.
If she were standing here with me, I’d kiss her cheek, take her hand, and walk with her out to where my living mother is waiting for us to come together. Where my Zur will be waiting too. Since she’s not, I give my sleeves one last tug and make that walk on my own, the way I’ve done...well, so damn many things in my life.
Not on my own anymore, though. And isn’t that part of what today is? Opening myself up to the fact that as long as anyone out there waiting is alive, on my own is a choice, an option when I want a little personal space. But never, ever a necessity. It’s so damn easy to love them, even if the words are hard to say sometimes. Today though? Today is about getting out of my own damn way and letting them love me back.
Mom wraps me up in a hug the moment I reach her, and then smiles and kisses my cheek and fusses over my jacket. Quiet, lovely little touches that say I love you so damn much, and I’m so happy for you, and my little Drow, all grown up and getting married. Reminding me that yeah, one mom’s gone, but I’m a damn lucky man because I got two. I kiss the back of her hand and smile and pull her into another hug. “Thanks, Mom.”
Her hand on my cheek is you’re welcome enough.
And before I know it, we’re gathered around ready to start. Ryss looks fucking resplendent, of course, and Zu looks bangable as hell all dressed up. Zur, though. Zur looks unbearably sexy in casual clothes that are so him. That remind me of the last time we were human, and make my heart ache a little for what used to be, and for how long it took us to get here. That’s okay, though. We’ve got all the time in the world now.
Oh, but there’s some of the same in his eyes, and sadder still. Darker, tinged with regret for the years he missed. Fuck the plan, I pull him into a hug and just hold him close, listening to the beat of his heart and breathing him in. We’ve got a second chance. And if the first one had gone differently, we might never have found our way to this spot, surrounded by love and family. Our triplets might not even exist. Any pain we’ve gone through, any heartbreak we’ve suffered...all of it was worth making it to this moment. Every damn bit of it.
Okay, okay, it’s time. The words bit, and I have no idea what the hell I’m going to say. Naturally, Ryss’s vows roll off her tongue like saying them is as easy as breathing. Always had a way with ‘em, my girl, right from the first. Wise, wonderful Dare-baby all grown up and looking so fucking happy. And Zu finds words to give her back, like magic, like it’s not the hardest part of the whole thing. Finding the words to say I love you so damn much big enough.
God, I should really have figured out what the hell I’m going to say. It’s not like I didn’t have time to plan for this. I’m gonna be standing here like a mute idiot just staring at my Zur and coming up completely blank. I think cutting my chest open and pulling my heart out and handing it to him would be easier, if a little too gory.
But then he opens his beautiful mouth, and everything else falls away.
He touches my cheek, and I want to drag him against me and kiss him until he knows I feel the same. Just hold him forever and let him soak it in through his skin. But he deserves the words. “Ah, hell, Zurry. My whole life I thought…” I trail off and sigh and look over at Mom. “I thought I’d never love someone with my whole heart, not like my moms loved each other. Thought I’d ever be lucky enough to find something so deep and real and true.” Her smile is a little sad, and her eyes shine a little brighter as she nods once.
Then my eyes are on Zur again, and the words aren’t so scary after all. “I was right, I don’t love like they do. I love like I do, like we do. It took me a long time, but you showed me how, so damn patiently even as I fought it, so afraid to get hurt. No...so afraid to be the one doing the hurting. That I could never be enough, could never be worthy of that kind of love, that I didn’t have it in me to--to stay. To be there for you. You showed me otherwise.
“You taught me that I’m the kind of man who, once he loves, he loves forever. Even through hurt and heartbreak and hardship, even through loss and grief and rage, I have loved you all along. You showed me the strength I didn’t know I had, and the depths my love can reach. That it can endure, that we can endure. That I’m brave enough not to walk away. I wouldn’t have known that without you. And I wouldn’t have known that without losing you and finding you again. I hate that you suffered, but I do not regret the path that brought us here today.” Please don’t regret it either.
“I’m yours, Zur.” I look over at Ryss and Zu, and grin. “Hell, I’m all of yours.” And then my eyes are on my Zurry again, and my face is solemn. “Always. I will love you until there is no I left. I will be your home, the way you’re mine. I’ll stand beside you in the dark, and walk with you in the light. Raise our kids with you, be here for you through all of life’s highs and lows. I will love you with every breath in my body, with every beat of my heart. And if there’s anything that comes after, I’ll damn well love you then too. As long as I exist, I am yours. And you’re mine. Sworn before our loved ones, sealed in blood and fire and magic, so you’re stuck with me forever.”
All three of you.
And then the hard part is over. The words are out, somehow, and all that nervousness was for nothing. Vows sealed with a slice from a dragon claw, and there’s no way in hell I’d shy away from it. A little pain, a little bloodshed, what’s that among lovers, right?
While Ryss and Zu and Zur are getting their tattoos, I take off my jacket and that silver silk shirt, lay them carefully across the table, and touch my hand to the skin where Mom will carve love into my chest, carve a rune that means family and completion and unity, harmony and togetherness and undying love. I trace the lines onto my skin with a fingertip, watching as Mom takes that sharp claw to Zur’s chest and gently slices the skin there, gently rubs ink into it and seals it.
When my turn comes, I lock eyes with Zur. Pouring my heart out with a look as Mom etches our mark into my skin. Forever. It’s done far too soon; probably everybody watching knows I’d love it drawn out, slow and agonizing and exquisite. But there’s plenty of time for that later. Still, there’s a hungry edge to the grin that slowly spreads across my face. Soon.
As soon as my tattoo is finished, it’s time for the last part. Standing in a square, hands joined, building strength into each of our bonds in turn, and into the much stronger whole they make. Ryss and Zu take my hands, and I snort and adjust so our fingers are interlaced. If you’re gonna hold my hand, hold my damn hand.
And for the first time, I really feel the less tangible side of my mom’s power, feel it like lightning in my veins, surging through me and into me and down my arms into Ryss and into Pazuzu, and arcing across our little square to join my heart and Zur’s. Holy shit, everything seems brighter, more vibrant and alive and pulsing with vitality. I feel alive, joined to the three people who’ve become so goddamn important to me. Who mean everything to me.
Whatever the shit Mom did, she did it well. When she declares it done, I’m still on fire, and I drag Zur to me and kiss him ‘til I have to either pull back or drag him off into the woods to spare our audience a bit more of a show than I want to give them. Ha, though really, if it weren’t for the littles, there’s a limit to how much I’d care at this point.
Zur rests his forehead against mine, and I breathe and try to get a fucking hold of myself. “I love you too, Zur. So damn much.” Okay. Okay. One more deep breath, and I’m capable of some goddamn restraint. I laugh silently as he kisses me again, gentle and sweet this time.
Then Ryss is in my arms, beaming up at me and pressing a kiss of her own to my lips and telling me to take care of my man. “Oh, precious, I intend to.” A bump of her shoulder and she’s off, whirling her way into Zur’s arms in turn.
Which just leaves Pazuzu.
I meet him halfway, dragging him into a hug that he returns with equal enthusiasm this time. No highly entertaining evasions, just his arms around me and his quiet laughter in my ears. He presses a tame little kiss to my cheek, and I roll my eyes and grin at him, then grab the back of his head and kiss him on the damn mouth.
I let him go, returning the wink he gave me earlier, and saunter back over to my Zur to get all tangled up in him. His little muttered ”Newbies” has me snorting and trailing my fingers along his spine. Because of course, sex is the furthest thing from his mind. Mm-hmm, the heat in his eyes isn’t about taking advantage of a deliciously familiar shape the second our guests have cleared out. Never never.
“God, I know,” I joke, playfully rolling my eyes. “We’ve got people to greet and cuddle and talk to, and all sorts of socializing to do, and all they can think about is getting their hands on each other. Unbelievable.” I smirk and bite Zur’s neck. “Guess it falls on us to be the responsible ones, and the generous hosts. Good thing we’re so up for the task, being so experienced in this shape and all.”
And then I pull back with a wicked grin and take his hand to go say hello to our gathered loved ones. Oh. But first I grab that silk shirt and put it back on, just for the feel of it on my skin. Fuck buttoning it though. Now. Where were we? Oh yeah, bring on the family.
Well, almost.
Hey, Mom. I look up at the moon, shining down from so far above. So far away. Look, I know she’s not there, not like...standing on the surface of the moon staring down at me. Dumb to think that just because the full moon is standing witness it means that my dead mom is too. But...but I’d give almost anything to have her standing here in front of me. Straightening my collar, brushing the hair out of my eyes, hell, maybe even tearing up a little at the thought of her baby boy about to get married.
Not that Mom was ever really one to cry. But weddings, man, you know?
I love you. And I wish you were here. Is it fucked up that...that part of me is glad things played out the way they did? If you hadn’t made the choices you did, I might not be standing here today. Getting ready to meet my Zur and swear my life to him. Dad to four amazing girls, and don’t think I’ve forgotten you made the first one possible. I miss you. All the damn time, even now. Got any advice?
The wry grin on my face is answer enough. Of course not. Or at least, none I’d be able to hear.
If she were standing here with me, I’d kiss her cheek, take her hand, and walk with her out to where my living mother is waiting for us to come together. Where my Zur will be waiting too. Since she’s not, I give my sleeves one last tug and make that walk on my own, the way I’ve done...well, so damn many things in my life.
Not on my own anymore, though. And isn’t that part of what today is? Opening myself up to the fact that as long as anyone out there waiting is alive, on my own is a choice, an option when I want a little personal space. But never, ever a necessity. It’s so damn easy to love them, even if the words are hard to say sometimes. Today though? Today is about getting out of my own damn way and letting them love me back.
Mom wraps me up in a hug the moment I reach her, and then smiles and kisses my cheek and fusses over my jacket. Quiet, lovely little touches that say I love you so damn much, and I’m so happy for you, and my little Drow, all grown up and getting married. Reminding me that yeah, one mom’s gone, but I’m a damn lucky man because I got two. I kiss the back of her hand and smile and pull her into another hug. “Thanks, Mom.”
Her hand on my cheek is you’re welcome enough.
And before I know it, we’re gathered around ready to start. Ryss looks fucking resplendent, of course, and Zu looks bangable as hell all dressed up. Zur, though. Zur looks unbearably sexy in casual clothes that are so him. That remind me of the last time we were human, and make my heart ache a little for what used to be, and for how long it took us to get here. That’s okay, though. We’ve got all the time in the world now.
Oh, but there’s some of the same in his eyes, and sadder still. Darker, tinged with regret for the years he missed. Fuck the plan, I pull him into a hug and just hold him close, listening to the beat of his heart and breathing him in. We’ve got a second chance. And if the first one had gone differently, we might never have found our way to this spot, surrounded by love and family. Our triplets might not even exist. Any pain we’ve gone through, any heartbreak we’ve suffered...all of it was worth making it to this moment. Every damn bit of it.
Okay, okay, it’s time. The words bit, and I have no idea what the hell I’m going to say. Naturally, Ryss’s vows roll off her tongue like saying them is as easy as breathing. Always had a way with ‘em, my girl, right from the first. Wise, wonderful Dare-baby all grown up and looking so fucking happy. And Zu finds words to give her back, like magic, like it’s not the hardest part of the whole thing. Finding the words to say I love you so damn much big enough.
God, I should really have figured out what the hell I’m going to say. It’s not like I didn’t have time to plan for this. I’m gonna be standing here like a mute idiot just staring at my Zur and coming up completely blank. I think cutting my chest open and pulling my heart out and handing it to him would be easier, if a little too gory.
But then he opens his beautiful mouth, and everything else falls away.
He touches my cheek, and I want to drag him against me and kiss him until he knows I feel the same. Just hold him forever and let him soak it in through his skin. But he deserves the words. “Ah, hell, Zurry. My whole life I thought…” I trail off and sigh and look over at Mom. “I thought I’d never love someone with my whole heart, not like my moms loved each other. Thought I’d ever be lucky enough to find something so deep and real and true.” Her smile is a little sad, and her eyes shine a little brighter as she nods once.
Then my eyes are on Zur again, and the words aren’t so scary after all. “I was right, I don’t love like they do. I love like I do, like we do. It took me a long time, but you showed me how, so damn patiently even as I fought it, so afraid to get hurt. No...so afraid to be the one doing the hurting. That I could never be enough, could never be worthy of that kind of love, that I didn’t have it in me to--to stay. To be there for you. You showed me otherwise.
“You taught me that I’m the kind of man who, once he loves, he loves forever. Even through hurt and heartbreak and hardship, even through loss and grief and rage, I have loved you all along. You showed me the strength I didn’t know I had, and the depths my love can reach. That it can endure, that we can endure. That I’m brave enough not to walk away. I wouldn’t have known that without you. And I wouldn’t have known that without losing you and finding you again. I hate that you suffered, but I do not regret the path that brought us here today.” Please don’t regret it either.
“I’m yours, Zur.” I look over at Ryss and Zu, and grin. “Hell, I’m all of yours.” And then my eyes are on my Zurry again, and my face is solemn. “Always. I will love you until there is no I left. I will be your home, the way you’re mine. I’ll stand beside you in the dark, and walk with you in the light. Raise our kids with you, be here for you through all of life’s highs and lows. I will love you with every breath in my body, with every beat of my heart. And if there’s anything that comes after, I’ll damn well love you then too. As long as I exist, I am yours. And you’re mine. Sworn before our loved ones, sealed in blood and fire and magic, so you’re stuck with me forever.”
All three of you.
And then the hard part is over. The words are out, somehow, and all that nervousness was for nothing. Vows sealed with a slice from a dragon claw, and there’s no way in hell I’d shy away from it. A little pain, a little bloodshed, what’s that among lovers, right?
While Ryss and Zu and Zur are getting their tattoos, I take off my jacket and that silver silk shirt, lay them carefully across the table, and touch my hand to the skin where Mom will carve love into my chest, carve a rune that means family and completion and unity, harmony and togetherness and undying love. I trace the lines onto my skin with a fingertip, watching as Mom takes that sharp claw to Zur’s chest and gently slices the skin there, gently rubs ink into it and seals it.
When my turn comes, I lock eyes with Zur. Pouring my heart out with a look as Mom etches our mark into my skin. Forever. It’s done far too soon; probably everybody watching knows I’d love it drawn out, slow and agonizing and exquisite. But there’s plenty of time for that later. Still, there’s a hungry edge to the grin that slowly spreads across my face. Soon.
As soon as my tattoo is finished, it’s time for the last part. Standing in a square, hands joined, building strength into each of our bonds in turn, and into the much stronger whole they make. Ryss and Zu take my hands, and I snort and adjust so our fingers are interlaced. If you’re gonna hold my hand, hold my damn hand.
And for the first time, I really feel the less tangible side of my mom’s power, feel it like lightning in my veins, surging through me and into me and down my arms into Ryss and into Pazuzu, and arcing across our little square to join my heart and Zur’s. Holy shit, everything seems brighter, more vibrant and alive and pulsing with vitality. I feel alive, joined to the three people who’ve become so goddamn important to me. Who mean everything to me.
Whatever the shit Mom did, she did it well. When she declares it done, I’m still on fire, and I drag Zur to me and kiss him ‘til I have to either pull back or drag him off into the woods to spare our audience a bit more of a show than I want to give them. Ha, though really, if it weren’t for the littles, there’s a limit to how much I’d care at this point.
Zur rests his forehead against mine, and I breathe and try to get a fucking hold of myself. “I love you too, Zur. So damn much.” Okay. Okay. One more deep breath, and I’m capable of some goddamn restraint. I laugh silently as he kisses me again, gentle and sweet this time.
Then Ryss is in my arms, beaming up at me and pressing a kiss of her own to my lips and telling me to take care of my man. “Oh, precious, I intend to.” A bump of her shoulder and she’s off, whirling her way into Zur’s arms in turn.
Which just leaves Pazuzu.
I meet him halfway, dragging him into a hug that he returns with equal enthusiasm this time. No highly entertaining evasions, just his arms around me and his quiet laughter in my ears. He presses a tame little kiss to my cheek, and I roll my eyes and grin at him, then grab the back of his head and kiss him on the damn mouth.
I let him go, returning the wink he gave me earlier, and saunter back over to my Zur to get all tangled up in him. His little muttered ”Newbies” has me snorting and trailing my fingers along his spine. Because of course, sex is the furthest thing from his mind. Mm-hmm, the heat in his eyes isn’t about taking advantage of a deliciously familiar shape the second our guests have cleared out. Never never.
“God, I know,” I joke, playfully rolling my eyes. “We’ve got people to greet and cuddle and talk to, and all sorts of socializing to do, and all they can think about is getting their hands on each other. Unbelievable.” I smirk and bite Zur’s neck. “Guess it falls on us to be the responsible ones, and the generous hosts. Good thing we’re so up for the task, being so experienced in this shape and all.”
And then I pull back with a wicked grin and take his hand to go say hello to our gathered loved ones. Oh. But first I grab that silk shirt and put it back on, just for the feel of it on my skin. Fuck buttoning it though. Now. Where were we? Oh yeah, bring on the family.