08-15-2016, 12:45 PM
I’ve done some really stupid shit in the months since Argo left. Spent a few weeks moping in a cave, spiraling into a pretty vicious depression. I could barely stand to be touched, but I lay quietly, breathing and doing very little else while Lee did her best to comfort me. Little good though it did. I wasn’t ready to be comforted, didn’t want to be loved when all I felt was the anguish of goodbye.
Woke up one day and dragged myself out of the cave I’d curled up in, and just left without a word. Disappeared for a few weeks and came back all fucked up, bleeding from more places than I could count, bruised all to hell and back, and it hurt like a bitch if I breathed too deeply. Still does if I’m not careful, actually, but it’s a hell of a lot better now than it was a month or so ago, so I can’t complain.
Lee forgave me. Should’ve kicked the shit out of me, and I’m pretty sure she would’ve if I hadn’t come home looking so fucking broken already. Anything else that happened between us is no one’s business but ours, just like what happened between me and the guy who gave me all those cuts and bruises and cracked a couple of ribs is nobody’s business but mine. She’s too good to me, and too good for me, but I’m not about to throw away the person who has done the most to meet me in the darkness and guide me back toward the light.
Dad asked me to find him the morning after our disastrous, impromptu little half family meeting, but urgent kingdom matters needed to come first, so I held off. And I had...I had other things to deal with, to work through, and they were things I couldn’t talk to him about. Things I wouldn’t burden him with, when he already has the weight of the entire kingdom resting on his shoulders. Still, he asked me to find him. To seek him out when I’m ready to talk.
Well I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.
I don’t know what I’m going to say, when I finally go looking for him. I should know. I’ve had months to play this out in my head, but there are no words left in me. There is only the quiet lull between days when the world explodes, and taking advantage of the relative peace to spend a few moments with my dad.
When I find him, I walk up quietly, my gait pretty much back to normal by now even if it took a while. My dirt-brown eyes meet his rich crimson ones, and I smile a little half-smile. “Hey, Dad. Sorry it took me so long to come find you.” I am, too. I should have come to him as soon as the kingdom magic drama settled, but...well. There’s really no point in dwelling on should have. There are a hell of a lot of things I should have done, and more still I shouldn’t have. Can’t change any of them now. “But I’m here now. If you still want to talk.”
Woke up one day and dragged myself out of the cave I’d curled up in, and just left without a word. Disappeared for a few weeks and came back all fucked up, bleeding from more places than I could count, bruised all to hell and back, and it hurt like a bitch if I breathed too deeply. Still does if I’m not careful, actually, but it’s a hell of a lot better now than it was a month or so ago, so I can’t complain.
Lee forgave me. Should’ve kicked the shit out of me, and I’m pretty sure she would’ve if I hadn’t come home looking so fucking broken already. Anything else that happened between us is no one’s business but ours, just like what happened between me and the guy who gave me all those cuts and bruises and cracked a couple of ribs is nobody’s business but mine. She’s too good to me, and too good for me, but I’m not about to throw away the person who has done the most to meet me in the darkness and guide me back toward the light.
Dad asked me to find him the morning after our disastrous, impromptu little half family meeting, but urgent kingdom matters needed to come first, so I held off. And I had...I had other things to deal with, to work through, and they were things I couldn’t talk to him about. Things I wouldn’t burden him with, when he already has the weight of the entire kingdom resting on his shoulders. Still, he asked me to find him. To seek him out when I’m ready to talk.
Well I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.
I don’t know what I’m going to say, when I finally go looking for him. I should know. I’ve had months to play this out in my head, but there are no words left in me. There is only the quiet lull between days when the world explodes, and taking advantage of the relative peace to spend a few moments with my dad.
When I find him, I walk up quietly, my gait pretty much back to normal by now even if it took a while. My dirt-brown eyes meet his rich crimson ones, and I smile a little half-smile. “Hey, Dad. Sorry it took me so long to come find you.” I am, too. I should have come to him as soon as the kingdom magic drama settled, but...well. There’s really no point in dwelling on should have. There are a hell of a lot of things I should have done, and more still I shouldn’t have. Can’t change any of them now. “But I’m here now. If you still want to talk.”