Her eyes widened as he shared what was once guarded from her. In his bouts of madness he'd hoped she was only an illusion, a wonderful and enticing illusion. And never hearing his name on her lips would keep it that way, keep it only a delirious dream he could savor again and again. He wasn't the type to take mindless pleasures, to be so intimate with one he didn't know, didn't love. A stranger.
His mind was clear now. He knew what he'd done, and understood he couldn't take it back. He'd sent her away in his shame, and yes also in disgust at what she suggested, that they continue this hungry give and take without commitment and without love. He couldn't do it, it wasn't who he'd been before he'd lost his mate and child, who he wanted to be again. He'd once known honor. He would know it again.
But, each hour after, her absence grew more and more obvious, like a buzzing in your ears you think you can ignore before it slowly drives you to madness.
She was his new madness.
He was gone from her presence long enough to return to his roots. As much as was possible from the lands being torn asunder, anyway. After some time there, in the living remnants of the Amazons, he'd burned the beast from his mind. Not entirely, as the monster was a part of his own being, but enough that they were one. He was whole.
And then he'd began searching for her. Like an addict, he would seek this madness until he found it again. And here she was. His beautiful insanity.
A small smile just barely tugged at those lips he'd come to know, had been known to crave, and he stared at it just a little too long. "It's nice to meet you, Ainlif." His lids drifted just a moment, soaking in the sound of it on her tongue. He was surprised how deeply such a simple thing could affect him. It sent his blood racing, made his breath a little shaky. So strangely powerful.
She took a single step closer, saying so much without saying anything at all. "What brings you to the Meadow on this fine sunny day?" So many things he could respond with, and he was stuck on that step towards him. Goddammit Revol. When she'd come closer before, it was invitation. He flashed back to those times, immediately aching for what they had. But he couldn't do it again, not like that. He knew he couldn't. And so began an all-new sort of battle raging within him.
Ah, fuck it.
So much for playing it cool as he'd planned to do the many, many times he'd played this out in his mind. He brushed away all the pointless blue-sky responses and made his move. His gaze held hers intently as he walked closer, stepped into her and touched his cheek to her neck. Stop, stop. You'll give her the wrong idea again. Dammit. He placed a light kiss on her shoulder, and breathed in her scent. He'd done it so many times before, how was it that she smelled even better now? All except that faint trace of another male. Oops.
He froze, then slowly disengaged, dragging himself back to look in her face again. "I'm sorry. That's not.. I hadn't meant.." Damn, damn, damn. What the hell was he thinking, that she'd fallen for him and waited around for him to swoop back into her life? Of course she couldn't have, they were still strangers. Why should she not seek her comforts with another? And here he was walking in like he had a right to. Idiot.
He didn't want to ask her, he didn't want to know. He glanced away to hide the primal, territorial burn flaring to life within him. When he thought it was good and hidden, his amber eyes once again sought her blue ones. "How have you been, Revol?" There. Tactful distraction, right? He still felt guilty for pushing her away so harshly. Had it even hurt her at all? Or had she just pranced right on to the next one?
That damn burn already threatened to return.