The buckskin mare finds herself in Vans' garden today. It is pleasant, quiet and peaceful. She can see the flowers, bursting from their green leafy prisons, blooming with the full zest of the early summer. Beneath the bows of the trees, in their cool dark shade, she finds herself contented. Her eyes flicker open and shut, the weight of the lazy afternoon threatening to shut her eyelids and send her into a wistful slumber. She exhales heavily, velvety nostrils quivering with the sigh. She is utterly at peace.
Too peaceful for a monarch, some may say, but it takes a while to adjust. Pevensie can be very busy, very proactive, but only when it takes her. Of late, she is beginning to feel the heavy ache of her years upon her body. Immortality can keep her bones young, but despite that, her soul feels older than ever. The pressures and responsibility of monarchy have reminded her that she is no longer the four year old who went on an adventure at the whim of a faerie - she is much nearer sixty now. All those years, what were they all for?
She soon find though that she is not alone. Cammie is approaching her now and the buckskin pony makes room for her in the shade of the tree. She smiles a welcoming smile, trying to hide her weariness behind a mask of warmth.
"We must meet more often. I feel like I barely recognise you," she suggests with a little crinkle of a front across her brow. She knows full well that the black mare probably tried to find her before this, and that is it herself whom has been the elusive one of the pair. "How are things with you?" she asks, bringing her muzzle affectionately to nudge her fellow monarch, her once-daughters' side.
so you wanna play with magic? Pevensie is, ironically, one of the most constant things in Camrynn's life. The mare is far more calm, far more predictable than Camrynn herself. Of the two of them, Pevensie is decidedly the voice of reason. Not only that, she's decidedly the light. It is no accident that Pevensie is the color of the sun, of the morning light, of brightness, whereas Camrynn is the color of night, of dark, of secrets.
It hasn't escaped the black queen's attention that Pevensie has been rather scarce of late. The mare doesn't mind, not in the slightest – she is capable of finding Pevensie if she is desperately needed for concerns of kingdom governance (unless you're immune to magic, it's fairly impossible to hide from Camrynn, as it happens). But more than that, she understands the toll that immortality can take, the pressures that it can sometimes create. For herself, she doesn't feel it – she feels a sort of eternal youth, an incredible desire to experience each day, to let it unfold in its impossible beauty. It must stem from her inner drive for knowledge, because to her, each day is yet another opportunity to live that dream, to achieve that knowledge, to further push the envelope.
And push it she does, in ways that few light queens before her would have ever thought to do. She's continuing to carry on her lovely romance with the Valley's king, her fellow night magician. Thus far it's secret, but she continues to weigh the wisdom of revealing it and seeing if she could parlay that into an alliance. Tensions with the Amazons are high, also as a result of her pushing the envelope. She'd deceived Scorch, no doubt about it, and she feels not at all badly about it.
That's one of the beauties of Cam. She regrets almost nothing.
But she does regret (just a little) how she'd initially deceived Pevensie. And as she thinks of her fellow queen, she decides to seek the woman out. Looking for her first with her mind, she finds the sun queen in the beautiful garden that Yael had grown commemorating a ruler who Camrynn herself had just barely missed knowing. She'd have liked him, she thinks.
With a thought she appears in the garden herself, the sunlight reflective on her black coat. She looks the same as she always does, but today her eyes are a delicate sun-gold, almost the color of Pevensie's coat, but with a touch more shine. Her mane and tail still blow in the breeze, a trail of gemstones and diamonds still drips across her cheek like a necklace, and a brilliantly metallic crook-and-flail are still bold across her chest from the competition that both she and Pevensie had won.
She joins Pevensie under the tree with a smile. The other mare's words wash over her, and she returns a smile at her once-mother's gentle touch. "I'm fine, Pevensie." her velvet voice is soft with genuine affection. She chuckles. "It has been a while though, hasn't it? We haven't talked since right after our coronation."
She looks at the mare now, her sun-gold eyes shadowed slightly with concern. "How are you? I was worried when you became a little harder to find. I know the pressures of ruling are…intense." Not for her, she thrives under everything that the queenship is, but for those like Pevensie who have, y'know, things like a conscience and a heart. Those who are made of great compassion, rather than just great capacity. "I want you to know that I'll never begrudge you any time you need to take. Any time you need a break, I can hold things together here. Not as well as when we're both holding things together, but well enough."
She can offer more than just her understanding, she thinks, but doesn't say it, at least not yet. She can feel the weariness growing within Pevensie, a weariness common to many horses with immortality. You either become an old soul and revel in it like Camrynn does, or you become an old soul and your age grates on you, like it sometimes seems to with Pevensie. Camrynn knows, when the time comes, if Pevensie were to ask her to, she could take it away. She could suck out the immortality and give her once-mother the gentle, happy death that eludes so many of Beqanna's oldest.
But she doesn't mention it, not now and quite possibly ever, because it's not something she wants to do. Of all the horses in the world, Pevensie and Yael deserve to live forever and rule the Deserts in absolute peace and harmony. That would be the kindest for the world, she thinks, if not the kindest for the two of them. Because in the end, there is nothing kinder than a gentle, happy death to form the final chapter of a life well lived.
CAMRYNN co-queen of the deserts, magical, mother of badassery
That was...astonishingly morbid there at the end o.O
Since the coronation? Had it been that long? She frowns, a little lost. How long has she been Queen? How many years have passed since she last paid attention to such meagre details as a year? A month? She looks around, from the heat and the blossoms in the garden, particular to certain plants at this time of year, she knows the season to be summer - at it's end. The last brilliant blossom of summer before the dark nights of the winter close in around them, for in the desert, there is not much else to define winter. It makes her think back to the days of her childhood, when she lived in the Falls, when she and Nekana would nuzzle deep into Flintfoots' thick winter coat to hide their faces from the driving snow. Then, when they woke up the next day, after a cold but cosy night, they would dance atop the white carpet, laugh and frolic, jump and sing. She misses snow. She misses cold. But they need her here, or at least, they still seem to want her here. So she shall stay. Besides, what is the Deserts now to her but a house inhabited by strangers. There is nothing left there but memories.
It's kindness that greets her, not anger, not accusations and shirking her duties. Pevensie smiles affectionately, glad that her fellow Queen is happy to employ compassion on this occasion. Had it been her mother judging her, the words might not have been so kind. In fact, had Pevensie been appraising herself, she would certainly not have been so forgiving. She knows she has failed them. For what is failure, if it is not living up to the expectations provided. However, unlike Cam, there were no terms provided for her upon the ascension to the throne. Only the general consensus that she should try her best. Well, perhaps now is the time to turn that around. It's now or never.
"I plan on visiting the Falls'. I will do this alone, I shall offer them our friendship. I owe them that. I owe it to my mother, my sister - her children. She would want it and I can see no harm for us in this gesture. Anyone that wishes to help defend them will be given the option, but I certainly would be going, should anyone threaten the waterfall." she says, softly, sweetly even. However, though the words be gentle as petals, they are as firm and un-malleable as iron. It is not a point for discussion, nor for negotiation. Her eyes cloud over with a sadness, again, she is thinking of snow.
She doesn't venture into the reasons behind it with Cam. In part, though she doesn't show it, deep down she wonders whether she can really trust her adopted daughter. So much was left unexplained, so much without justification. She trusts the black mare to do what is right by the Deserts, because she is bound to do so by some of the few creatures more powerful than herself. She even thinks that Cam would do it, without that promise. However, there is something missing from their relationship now. They are no longer mother and daughter. They are Queen and Queen. Even before that, Pevensie was not her real mother. She has a real mother somewhere, all her children do.
She has never felt so alone. She tries to hide it, with her warm smile, her happy eyes.
"Any news with you? What have I missed?"
so you wanna play with magic? Perhaps this will be the start of the wedge that divides them.
Camrynn feels the moment of shift in Pevensie, the moment when she decides to move ahead in her role as queen. But whereas Camrynn has always emphasized that they must move forward together, now Pevensie is moving forward with something Camrynn considers unwise, and it is quite clear that it isn't up for discussion. The black mare keeps her face carefully neutral, not betraying anything of what she thinks – and goodness knows she's an excellent actress, so there would be nothing to indicate to Pevensie that she's run afoul of her co-queen.
If it were just a decision made without consulting her, that perhaps she could live with. Likewise, if it were a bad suggestion made for discussion, perhaps. But as it is, it's an alliance with a kingdom that Camrynn considers weak (their numbers are so few, and their healing water is nothing to a kingdom with two magicians) that comes not from anything to do with the Deserts, but from loyalty to the Falls itself. Polite and neutral though her face is, Camrynn cannot believe what she is hearing. Pevensie is the queen of the Deserts, not the Falls – kindness is one thing, but to owe them? She owes nothing to anyone but the Deserts.
Neutral and entirely impassive, betraying nothing of what she truly thinks, the black mare nods. Not that it mattered – clearly the only way for Cam to have stopped the alliance would be to somehow restrain Pevensie with magic, or erase her memory. Both of which would seem rather contrary to the goal of supporting the Deserts and strengthening it at all costs.
And so the incident is simply filed away, the first – and, she desperately hopes, the last – such incident where Pevensie will run afoul of her.
The little mare is talking again, asking her about herself. It's small talk, and Camrynn knows it. She may respect Pevensie more than the average mare and therefore stay (more or less) out of her mind and out of her history, it's not hard to perceive the aura of distrust that seems to permeate her once-mother. Not that she doesn't deserve it; any reasonable horse would be a little wary after what had happened during the crown competition, how she'd suddenly aged so quickly. But shouldn't she have earned more than that by now? Once again, she is annoyed, but hides it well under her usual relaxed, placid exterior.
"Nothing new with me." she answers easily, lying. There's always something new with her, and if not with her, then with the world. "I'm terribly dull." she says, her voice the mock-mournful tones of one who complains without really meaning it. "I think the most exciting thing that's happened to me recently was Gumby jumping to catch a stick in the air, rather than waiting for it to hit ground." She snorts.
There is silence for a moment, Perhaps if Camrynn were less seasoned in politics or less goal-oriented in general she would let the conversation drag, find an excuse to duck out, and thereby risk Pevensie noticing that something might be wrong. But she is not; she is Camrynn, and diplomacy (and manipulation) comes as naturally to her as breathing. "You know, what you said about the Falls, that's got me wondering." she pauses again, her voice pensive and far off as though she's thinking. "What if we were to offer help to any kingdom that was suffering unfairly? Not an alliance with every kingdom, that's a recipe for disaster, but an agreement that if they are attacked without provocation, or otherwise suffering from an unfair raid or occupation, they can come to the Deserts, seek our help, and know that their requests will be considered?" she looks back to Pevensie now. "Of course, we'd have to consider how that would impact our alliances, but at least in my opinion, an alliance does not mean automatic support if one ally instigates a war." she pauses for a moment. "I don't know about you, but if the Amazons start a war of conquest, unprovoked or with some flimsy justification, I would not want us to support that." she is quite certain that her co-queen will agree on that point.
"Obviously, if we've agreed to engage on the side of the invaders – like if there were to be something akin to the Valley raid that occurred a few years back, where the raiders were clearly fighting evil – then the attacked can't expect us to accept their petition for aid. But other than that, we could at least offer to consider petitions. With Yael and myself in the Deserts, making sure the petitions are truthful wouldn't be an issue. We could even put it to the kingdom for a vote."
She pauses for a moment. "We talked in the meeting about whether we should be a kingdom that hangs back and creates a safe haven, or one that actively seeks out those who would do evil. Perhaps we can find a happy medium by being the kingdom that lifts up the oppressed, and strikes down those who are clearly oppressive. Or at least, we can try." she says the last part with a smile.
"What do you think?"
CAMRYNN co-queen of the deserts, magical, mother of badassery
Cranky Cam is cranky XD
Loyalty. It isn't something that Pevensie can be accused of having, for the most part. She is kind, often fond of other horses, but she has never felt an affiliation to a kingdom or to an idea. It is to horses, to those she has loved, to those that have loved her that she feels she must owe her alliance. Her sister was of the Falls'. She was born there, the horses she grew up with lived there. She knows them still, in her heart, knows they may go back there. It is her loyalty to her sister, to her mother, and her countless friends that she preserve the Kingdom how they might have wanted it. She hopes she will love the Deserts the same one day, but it will take time. She knows she must get to know her subjects, learn to love them the way she once loved those of her old home. It will take time, and luckily, she has plenty of that to give.
Some might say too much.
Cam's anger, her displeasure, goes entirely unnoticed. Pevensie has never been one to pry or dig, if a horse cannot bring themselves to be open and honest, to let something fester, than may the consequences of that be on their own head. Or maybe Pevensie is so honest and generally trusting, that she wouldn't believe Cam would keep something important from her co-Queen. The little buckskin lets any tension slip by unnoticed.
The black mare moved the conversation on and Pevensie frowns, listening intently, her brow furrowed with thought and concentration. She nods and hums, a low rumble of agreement or contemplation, the cogs of her inner clock ticking away as she calculates the impact of the ideas proposed. The little buckskin hums and hars, cocking her head this way and that until it is still once more and she is left locking eyes intently with her daughter.
"No. I agree, if an ally has done wrong, then if we judge it is wrong we have no reason to support their endeavours. Perhaps we might even seek to hinder them, if it is in our best interests," she agrees, knowing that it has always been within her to choose the right. Maybe that is why she is sat upon the Desert throne after all these years, a Queen of light and good, rather than the mixed fortunes of the Falls' - anyone who knows her, knows that Pevensie is not capable of foul deeds, even for the good of her own people.
"I must say one thing though." she closes her eyes now, remembering back. She is standing in the Jungle. It is warm, humid. Echion is there, Kagerou and Quark too. Her son is beneath her forelegs, quivering at the sight of the powerful women before him, seeking solace in her warmth. The birds screech and sing around them, the leaves above her head whistle in the wind. Who was it? Was it the Valley they sought to fight? Or the Chamber? The aggressor escapes her weary memory, but she remembers it distinctly. She remembers that the Amazonian women asked her to fight. They asked her to abandon her son and daughters, abandon the other children of the Jungle to go and spill the blood of mothers, sisters, brothers, fathers. She refused. They had gracefully accepted it, in return for her promise to safeguard the Jungle in their stead. They had made no demands of her. Pevensie intends to make no demands of anyone else in return.
"A long time ago, I was ordered into battle. I refused, petitioned my refusal and it was accepted. I want our kingdom to flourish, but I know it can only do so with acceptance and compassion. Those that join our army, they do so to serve this kingdom and protect it. If invaders come to our door, they must stand and fight - that much they have sworn. However, I ask that we do not presume their oath. I think they should be allowed to make their own decisions, as individuals, on matters outside this kingdom. It is a privilege I have been afforded, and something I was very grateful for. I will not make anyone fight against their will, in the battles we choose outside these Desert walls. I want them to go of their own free will. They have a right to choose what they might die for, I hope you agree," she says, drawn back to the present as a gust of warm air flushes over her face. An army dragged, kicking and screaming, would be no good to them. Yes, she wants a strong kingdom. But more than that, far more, she wants a fair one.
"When I look at the Desert, I see hope. Justice. Good. I will strive to be all those things as a Queen, to shun deception, betrayal, greed. That is what this crown means to me,"
so you wanna play with magic? "I would never order anyone to fight." she agrees, quickly and easily. "And when it comes to protecting this homeland, I don't doubt that any horse here would give themselves freely to defend us." She also doesn't doubt that they would never have to. Not with both herself and Yael in the mix, and Eight (and the entire army of the Valley) just a telepathic call away. But she doesn't say these things, because Pevensie knows the relevant ones already, "But I would always want them to have the opportunity to vote to defend justice."
She is silent then, reflecting on all that the mare of sunlight has said. It is all well and good to want a fair kingdom, but no kingdom has ever routed invaders because of its fairness. Some of the most fair kingdoms in the world have been routed by barbarians, destroyed and razed to the ground. And in that instant, it is entirely clear to her why both she and Pevensie were chosen to rule together. They complement each other, balance each other out. Pevensie is the hopeless idealist, the mare who thinks of nothing but conscience and kindness. She is truly the Queen of the Sun. And Camrynn is the pragmatist, the mare who thinks of security, of safety, of the raw, hard balance of power that thinks nothing of ideals and knows nothing of morality. She is truly the Queen of the Night.
She chuckles then, turning to look at her fellow queen once more. "We are yin and yang, Pevensie." she says, growing serious. "When I see the Deserts, I too see hope. But I also see danger, danger from the Amazons, from the Valley, from the Chamber – hell, probably from every kingdom but the Gates and the Falls." she sighs. "I wish that our ideals could be our security, that we could wrap ourselves in a wall of morality so impenetrable that our sheer goodness would make attacking impossible."
And she actually does wish it, wish that the fairy tales would be right, that good would always win. It would make the world a simpler, easier place. But she's seen so much more of the world than Pevensie has (despite the mare being her mother) and she knows in the depths of her heart and down to her bones that nothing is fair, and nothing ever will be. "I see us as a light that holds back the darkness." she speaks again, finally. "I see us as a beacon of what can be, strong in power and strong in morality." she pauses for just a moment. "That is what I strive to be as a Queen. That is what this crown means to me."
She purses her lips then, a question rising to her mind. Naturally she plucks the answer out of the collective memory, but it occurs to her to ask Pevensie as well. The mare might have a unique perspective on the incident. And besides, it's just rude to peek into the past without at least giving the subject a chance to comment. "Pevensie, how did you earn the Amazon mark?" She refers, of course, to the red brand that slashes across the co-queen's chest. She no doubt will be earning one herself one of these days – in fact, she's astonished every day she goes without one.
CAMRYNN co-queen of the deserts, magical, mother of badassery
She is glad, glad that they are in mutual agreement at the fundamental principles behind their army. For what is an army after all, if not a weapon? What good is a weapon without rules to govern it, responsibilities to ensure against it's misuse. If the Deserts so pleased, they are in a good enough position to take the Gates, perhaps other kingdoms too, and make them their own. However, Pevensie has no such desires. She hopes, indeed she does sincerely believe, that Cam shares that viewpoint. They are not in the business of conquest.
"I see danger too," she interjects, looking the black mare dead in the eyes. Yes, she does see danger. From the Amazonians most of all, but there is always an element of danger. So long as horses live in this Desert, there will be danger. "I just have faith. I can't say I hold much sway with the gods, with heaven and earth. I can't say I ever will. What I do have faith in though are other horses. For each one that wants death and destruction, there will be another that wants prosperity and peace more. There is evil out there, but I believe it can always be overcome. I must believe it, or I wouldn't be standing here today,"
She smiles softly at the idea, that good will always triumph over ill. Some might call it childish, naive it definitely is, but she has seen it work often enough to be reassured in this matter.
Then Pevensie is drawn into the question about her past. It's strange, she spends so long living in the past and yet when someone thinks to ask her about it, she's numbed into silence. Her smile disappears and she frowns softly, looking down at her chest and touching the ugly gash with her muzzle. It still feels raw, but it isn't an ordinary wound. Not quite as strange and the bright white scars, dazzling in the sunlight next to the slash (that's yet another story), but the Amazonians intended it to be a painful reminder of betrayal.
"I wasn't born in the Amazons'. I was born in the Falls', the daughter of a usurped Queen. I was born mortal. I grew up as any other horse would have done, except for the Chamber stealing my own birth mother. I was raised, primarily, by Jadis. The Amazonians had taken over the Falls' before I had been born, placed Jadis as their regent in the kingdom. She was kind to me, lovely. When their time ruling was over and they placed Hakeem on the throne instead, I visited the Jungle kingdom often to seek out my mother, my idol." she remembers Jadis with a pang of hurt, knowing her loving heart-mother to be dead now. Reunited with Hakeem, her true love. It isn't sad really when you think about it, it's rather happy that they had fulfilling and long lives together, but she does miss them bitterly.
"Anyway, when I became immortal, I tried to live in the Falls. It didn't work out. The kingdom, for all I felt welcomed and surrounded by family, it felt uncomfortable since my change. The ground seemed to shift whenever I stepped, the trees would sway uneasily when I walked past. So when the time came, when my sister had been on the throne a long time and all was well, I left. The Jungle took me in. I served them for a decade, loyal as any other sister. I raised children there, enjoyed their company, gave them my skills..."
"But a Jungle does not let in much sunlight. A pony built for the Tundras cannot endure the heat without some pain. The minute I chose the Deserts, despite not having been there for another five years, I became a traitor. Scorch remembers me, she knows me from my time there. I did nothing wrong except for leave, but that won't change their opinions of me. I'm afraid, once you've been cast aside by the Amazons', you've well and truly lost their good favour,"
so you wanna play with magic? "You don't say." She chuckles, referring to Pevensie's comment about the Amazons. "From our conversations with them I'd have never guessed they're so unforgiving." she is speaking with delicate sarcasm, her voice almost so painfully earnest that Pevensie could never mistake it for truly being earnest. But for good measure she smiles, chuckling lightly and bumping her once-adoptive mother gently with her nose. She is quiet then, contemplating the story that Pevensie has just told. She could have known it for herself, of course, and maybe she did once. Maybe she played it through her mind like an old movie. But it loses something in translation (they always do) and Pevensie's retelling is infinitely more fresh.
Mind you, it doesn't make her think the alliance with the Falls is any bit of a better idea.
"I'm rather astonished that I haven't earned the mark myself yet." she lets her Amazon markings shine through for a moment, the sun winking into existence on her haunches, the vine-and-bud on her foreleg, but softened, muted. She considers them for just a moment before covering them up again. She'd thrown herself into the Amazons because it had served her purpose at the time, saying the words (with all the conviction in her heart) when it made sense for her to do so. And now she figures that she'll soon bear a matching slash to the one on Pevensie's chest. She wonders which will be more dominant: the red slash, or the gold crook-and-flail.
A thought crosses her mind, and she looks to the slash on Pevensie's chest, and then back to her co-queen. "I bet that you could cover it, you know, if you ever wanted to." she pauses for a moment, thinking. "At least during the daytime, you could gently bend the sunlight around it. Using the same principle that creates the mirages you see around the Deserts sometimes."
She is silent for a moment, wondering if her own magic would be enough to hide it permanently, let alone remove it. She isn't sure, but she's a lot more certain that she could do it given backup from Eight, or even Yael. Magic is a tricky thing, especially when you're dealing with magic that's as old as the land, as old as the Amazons.
She thinks about asking after Pevensie's family, but a quick look into the past tells her that's a topic best left undiscussed. She can feel the raw hurt, the pain, the heartache that writes itself into her flesh far more painfully than the Amazonian scar ever could. And she knows then just how profoundly alone Pevensie feels. Despite the happy gaggles of other mare's children that could call her their mother. Despite the Deserts horses who knew her as a comrade and then welcomed her as a queen. Despite all of this, Pevensie feels alone in the world.
And it almost makes Camrynn sad.
CAMRYNN co-queen of the deserts, magical, mother of badassery
Here they are, Queen and Queen. You'd have thought that the Amazonians would rather enjoy having a kingdom ruled by two powerful women as their ally, but that mark across her chest seems to put the idea into perspective. For as long as she is marred by the cut, the Jungle will never trust the Deserts. They have an alliance yes, but it is a fragile one. There have been better castles built from sand, of that, the buckskin mare is sure.
"It would do no good. Scorch knows who I am. As long as she rules, it doesn't matter if I hide the scar or not. Perhaps, the next time I return, in many years to come it might help. I speak as if it is a certainty, that I will come back from the wilderness next time. I should say if I return. However, I won't be leaving. Not for a long while yet." she says, twisting the sunlight around her into a swirl that she blows back into Camrynn's face with a gentle laugh. Harmless as fairy dust, until Pevensie wants to harm someone. Besides, the pony-Queen knows that Camrynn could break her far more easily than Pevensie could put a scratch on her perfect black skin.
She looks at the tattoo, until is disappears. "I can't even remember what my symbol was... was it a sunlight? A sunbird? I have no idea. It was so long ago that I got it, and I signed the oath because I was given no choice. You are one, or you are not. No in-between," she muses aloud, stepping forward to watch the dying sunlight over the horizon. She looks back at Cam, beautiful, regal in her black with her golden tattoo. She was the one born to be Queen here in this rich Desert kingdom, or at least that one most appropriate to cast into the role.
"Why did you join the Amazons? Why join them, but follow me here?" she asks, not entirely sure she will be comfortable with the answer. Too late now though, the question has been said, and cannot be unsaid.
so you wanna play with magic? The fairy-dust sunlight settles itself over Camrynn's coat and mane, sinking in to create gentle sparkles. Nothing obnoxious, nothing too overt, just a gentle hint of glitter, a subtle shine. "I didn't mean to hide it from them." her voice is quiet, almost reflective. "I meant if you ever grew tired of seeing it. I know I might."
She listens as Pevensie continues to speak, very accurately describing the nature of the Amazons. Theirs is quite the binary world: you either are one, or you are not. You either have an alliance, or you do not. There is no grey area, no room for in-between. Not like in the Deserts, where there are many who live on the fringes, keeping to themselves and receiving exactly no pressure from Camrynn, Pevensie, or any other member of the Deserts to do anything other than that.
She isn't surprised when her once-mother turns to her and asks the question that's perhaps been floating around between them ever since the whole situation with the Amazons had first come to light. She's rather glad to have it out there, actually.
"It was the other way around." she says, her voice plain. "I followed you here, and then joined them too." And that was true – she'd been all set to follow Pevensie home, to live a quiet, happy life in the Deserts. "I sometimes wonder what would've happened if Scorch hadn't come that day, if it'd been just you and me here in the Deserts." she knows at least some shades of outcomes in that timeline. She doesn't say it to Pevensie, but she knows that in that world, she would likely never have competed for the crown. It would have been Pevensie alone, with her sweet daughter Cammie by her side, or perhaps Pevensie with Lucrezia, or Pevensie with other horses who have long been elsewhere in this timeline.
"I did both because I wanted to experience both." she answers truthfully. "I am a seeker of knowledge, Pevensie. I seek it always, in most everything I do." Her voice is quiet now, hushed with the importance of what she's saying. She's never been so truthful about anything, to anyone, save perhaps with Eight. She doesn't bare her soul. "I had to know what it was like. And then I knew, and was glad I did because I was almost immediately sent here to compete to rule the Deserts. Sent by the jungle." she pauses, letting that sink in. It's nothing that is new to Pevensie – it's nothing that is new to anyone, by now – but in this context it carries a different kind of meaning. "If it hadn't been me, it would've been someone else, and that could've ended very differently." she is matter-of-fact now. They both know that the Amazons have a way of getting their way. Perhaps an Amazon loyal only to the jungle could never have made it through. Perhaps, like Shahrizai, they'd have been ejected in the first round. Or perhaps not. Even for Camrynn, that kind of thing is impossible to know.
"I don't regret how things have turned out." she says, walking up to stand beside Pevensie and look out across the horizon. The sunlight that her pony-mother blew at her earlier glimmers like fairy dust in the dying light as she turns to look at the little buckskin. "But if I had the choice, I'd have rather just stayed with you and let the Zons do whatever the Zons might do." Her voice is earnest, her eyes as gold as the setting sun. She means it too, or at least, she means it in the best way she can. She wouldn't trade what she has now for anything. She doesn't regret the time she's spent with Scorch, complicated though it makes her current life. But in another world, she'd have liked to set it all aside, to grow up as Pevensie's child, to have a second childhood (or first, really, considering her lack of a proper mother growing up) for as long as she wanted it.
But much as she could go back and re-write that little bit of history, none of it would be worth giving up what she has now. And she knows it.
CAMRYNN co-queen of the deserts, magical, mother of badassery
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