01-10-2017, 09:57 PM
Oh goodness. I feel...funny. Like maybe I know this place. Which is weird, because I have never been away from Mommy before, not for more than a very little while anyhow, and not away from the grass and the trees and the snow and the everything outside. Maybe it is the light? All bright and glowing and warm, it feels kind of like a sunshiney hug for my heart. I don’t mind the dark, but the light...it’s Mommy and family and safety and home, and maybe that’s why it feels so familiar.
It flashes, the white parting to reveal glimpses of else. Elsewhere and other, strange places and strange creatures, and I take a step closer to the walls to get a better look. More of the strange monkey things, howling and hooting and kissing, ew. Well I mean maybe not so ew. Mommy and Daddy kiss me, and it is a nice cozy feeling in my chest, and all warm and happy where their lips touch my skin. Wrapped up in love. So maybe not so ew.
Then the white is back and the scene is gone, but that’s okay. The light is lovely too. I stare at it, and sadness wells up inside my body, and in my eyes too. It’s been a long long time, practically forever, since I saw Mommy. More than five whole minutes for sure, and much much longer still. Way longer than when she left me with Auntie Zin and Pumpkin-friend so she could go talk about Sylva things, and I missed her so so much then too. I wonder if she is still stuck, all frozen solid like icicles but warm. Staring at Uncle Kade, all sass and smiles and scary not-movingness.
“Oh, look at you.” My eyes get big, big, big, and I turn to look where that pretty voice came from. I got so distracted I didn’t even notice her, but how could I not have noticed? She is so pretty, all glowy white like the light made into a person. Ohhh. Oh I want to cuddle her more than I’ve ever wanted to cuddle anybody, almost. I bet she’d feel like the biggest hug, like the light itself wrapped around me and holding me close. I take a step closer, because how could I possibly not?
She waves her delicate hand through the air, and I feel brand new again. Not tired or dried out or crispy, not tummy-growly hungry, even all the achy muscles from so very, very much running and walking and go go going don’t hurt anymore. My lips make a smile all by themselves, slow and soft and happy. “Oh, thank you!” I take another step closer, and the glowy sphere I thought was kind of part of her? It gets smaller. I take a step back, but it doesn’t get bigger. In fact, it’s shrinking bit by bit, and I do not like the way it makes my chest feel tight and fluttery, not for me but for her.
“Every year, he tries, you know,” she says, sounding so sweet and so so sad. I take another step closer. I didn’t mean to, but I can’t seem to make my feet stay put when she’s...I don’t have words yet big enough to say it prettily, but she’s the light, and it pulls at something in my chest, and my feet just follow the pull, one little step at a time. Her voice is soft, but I can still hear the screams echoing in the air, ringing in my ears, and somehow I know they were hers. And somehow I know she’s dying. “He cannot come here. I am a fixed point in time, a place that even he cannot touch,” she explains, though I don’t quite understand what she means. “So every year, he sends a handful of chosen ones to save me. Most don’t make it this far.”
She waves her hand again, and I can almost see light twinkling in its wake. Gosh, she’s pretty. “You can take me from here,” she continues, and I notice the door she was pointing toward. It must be the way out but she’s all stuck inside that glowy bubble, and it’s getting smaller and smaller. Leaving sounds like a good idea, and taking her with me sounds even better.
Except she keeps talking. “But if you do, there will be repercussions. I must come, every year, you see. You must end one year and begin the next. Time must have some meaning.” Oh. Oh goodness. It can’t be two years at once. One has to end for the next to begin. Time can’t stand still. Oh goodness, what would happen if it did? Would everybody be stuck frozen in place like Mommy and Uncle Kade? Or even if everybody could move, would we get older? If time didn’t pass, would I stay little forever and ever?
I like being little right now. But I do not think I would like to never grow up. And what about the babies that aren’t born yet? The ones still in their mommies’ tummies? Would they be there forever and always, never getting to come out and see the way the sky lights up as the sun comes awake, the way it paints the whole world in pretty colors? Would they never get to fill their lungs with sweet, earthy forest air or frolic in crunchy fall leaves or watch snow fall or trees burst back into life after months and months of looking bare and dead?
Oh goodness. I bite my lip, fretting over bigger things than I’ve ever fretted over before as she ends with, “Or you can leave me, and face Time’s wrath. But the world will progress as it should, and in the end, we all face Time’s wrath anyway, do we not?” Oh my heavens. It feels wrong, to leave somebody to die. But it feels wronger to break the whole world, and maybe leave so many somebodies to never live. Or. Or whatever will happen if I save her. I want to help the cat-eyed naked monkey friends. I do, so much it hurts inside my chest, where my heart thump thump thumps away frantically. I don’t want to let the pretty glowy lady die.
But it feels like a worse wrong to save her.
Tears fill my eyes, blurring her face and her glow and the still-shrinking sphere all together ‘til they’re one and the same. “I’m so sorry, pretty light friend. But I think you’re right. Time has to have meaning. Time has to keep moving. What would happen if it didn’t? And my mommy said the world has already seen so much change and chaos in the last few years, I don’t think I can break it like that again. I wish I could help you, my friend. More than almost anything, I wish I could help you, so your beautiful light never goes out. I’m so, so sorry, and I hope you can forgive me. Can...can I stay with you? Not for always, just...I don't want you to be alone.”
If she lets me, I stay with her until the end. If she says no, I leave right away. But either way, I walk out that door alone. Just before I step through the door, I look back over my shoulder and whisper, “Goodbye, new friend. I’m sorry.”
It flashes, the white parting to reveal glimpses of else. Elsewhere and other, strange places and strange creatures, and I take a step closer to the walls to get a better look. More of the strange monkey things, howling and hooting and kissing, ew. Well I mean maybe not so ew. Mommy and Daddy kiss me, and it is a nice cozy feeling in my chest, and all warm and happy where their lips touch my skin. Wrapped up in love. So maybe not so ew.
Then the white is back and the scene is gone, but that’s okay. The light is lovely too. I stare at it, and sadness wells up inside my body, and in my eyes too. It’s been a long long time, practically forever, since I saw Mommy. More than five whole minutes for sure, and much much longer still. Way longer than when she left me with Auntie Zin and Pumpkin-friend so she could go talk about Sylva things, and I missed her so so much then too. I wonder if she is still stuck, all frozen solid like icicles but warm. Staring at Uncle Kade, all sass and smiles and scary not-movingness.
“Oh, look at you.” My eyes get big, big, big, and I turn to look where that pretty voice came from. I got so distracted I didn’t even notice her, but how could I not have noticed? She is so pretty, all glowy white like the light made into a person. Ohhh. Oh I want to cuddle her more than I’ve ever wanted to cuddle anybody, almost. I bet she’d feel like the biggest hug, like the light itself wrapped around me and holding me close. I take a step closer, because how could I possibly not?
She waves her delicate hand through the air, and I feel brand new again. Not tired or dried out or crispy, not tummy-growly hungry, even all the achy muscles from so very, very much running and walking and go go going don’t hurt anymore. My lips make a smile all by themselves, slow and soft and happy. “Oh, thank you!” I take another step closer, and the glowy sphere I thought was kind of part of her? It gets smaller. I take a step back, but it doesn’t get bigger. In fact, it’s shrinking bit by bit, and I do not like the way it makes my chest feel tight and fluttery, not for me but for her.
“Every year, he tries, you know,” she says, sounding so sweet and so so sad. I take another step closer. I didn’t mean to, but I can’t seem to make my feet stay put when she’s...I don’t have words yet big enough to say it prettily, but she’s the light, and it pulls at something in my chest, and my feet just follow the pull, one little step at a time. Her voice is soft, but I can still hear the screams echoing in the air, ringing in my ears, and somehow I know they were hers. And somehow I know she’s dying. “He cannot come here. I am a fixed point in time, a place that even he cannot touch,” she explains, though I don’t quite understand what she means. “So every year, he sends a handful of chosen ones to save me. Most don’t make it this far.”
She waves her hand again, and I can almost see light twinkling in its wake. Gosh, she’s pretty. “You can take me from here,” she continues, and I notice the door she was pointing toward. It must be the way out but she’s all stuck inside that glowy bubble, and it’s getting smaller and smaller. Leaving sounds like a good idea, and taking her with me sounds even better.
Except she keeps talking. “But if you do, there will be repercussions. I must come, every year, you see. You must end one year and begin the next. Time must have some meaning.” Oh. Oh goodness. It can’t be two years at once. One has to end for the next to begin. Time can’t stand still. Oh goodness, what would happen if it did? Would everybody be stuck frozen in place like Mommy and Uncle Kade? Or even if everybody could move, would we get older? If time didn’t pass, would I stay little forever and ever?
I like being little right now. But I do not think I would like to never grow up. And what about the babies that aren’t born yet? The ones still in their mommies’ tummies? Would they be there forever and always, never getting to come out and see the way the sky lights up as the sun comes awake, the way it paints the whole world in pretty colors? Would they never get to fill their lungs with sweet, earthy forest air or frolic in crunchy fall leaves or watch snow fall or trees burst back into life after months and months of looking bare and dead?
Oh goodness. I bite my lip, fretting over bigger things than I’ve ever fretted over before as she ends with, “Or you can leave me, and face Time’s wrath. But the world will progress as it should, and in the end, we all face Time’s wrath anyway, do we not?” Oh my heavens. It feels wrong, to leave somebody to die. But it feels wronger to break the whole world, and maybe leave so many somebodies to never live. Or. Or whatever will happen if I save her. I want to help the cat-eyed naked monkey friends. I do, so much it hurts inside my chest, where my heart thump thump thumps away frantically. I don’t want to let the pretty glowy lady die.
But it feels like a worse wrong to save her.
Tears fill my eyes, blurring her face and her glow and the still-shrinking sphere all together ‘til they’re one and the same. “I’m so sorry, pretty light friend. But I think you’re right. Time has to have meaning. Time has to keep moving. What would happen if it didn’t? And my mommy said the world has already seen so much change and chaos in the last few years, I don’t think I can break it like that again. I wish I could help you, my friend. More than almost anything, I wish I could help you, so your beautiful light never goes out. I’m so, so sorry, and I hope you can forgive me. Can...can I stay with you? Not for always, just...I don't want you to be alone.”
If she lets me, I stay with her until the end. If she says no, I leave right away. But either way, I walk out that door alone. Just before I step through the door, I look back over my shoulder and whisper, “Goodbye, new friend. I’m sorry.”
pic by Qinni