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    COTY

    Assailant -- Year 226

    QOTY

    "But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura


    Little Miss Kali
    #1

    The night is dark...
    It had been a couple of days since I had last seen Kali, really since I had last seen anyone. I had seen a few others from far away, but had yet to make any attempt at introducing myself. So I was just content to spend time with the two of them now and again, and learn all the bits about Ischia either with them or by myself. Mostly it was by myself, but I kept the day of our tour in my mind and would occasionally go back to venture. Today was one of those days.
     
    I tucked my wings against my side, something a bit newer and that I was still learning on. The winds around the island could be brutal at times and it was tough. However, they were fun, even if I did end up in the water on more than one occasion. Even if when they got wet they took forever to dry.
     
    I sighed softly, nosing around the deeper parts of the jungle today, occasionally seeing one of the rainbow birds that Kali so enjoyed. The thought made me smile some, a faint smile as I thought of her. I slid deeper and deeper until I hit one of the caves and move inside it. This one was one of my favorites. It seemed to go beneath one of the hills…or mountains, whatever you wanted to call it and come out on the other side after some twists and turns.
     
    One of the rainbow birds flew overhead, catching my attention and it’s then that I see the lavender that catches my eyes. I narrow them slightly. Kali? I frown a bit, unused to seeing her so alone and still. Usually she was bouncing and happy and talkative. This Kali, this one was someone different.
     
    I stretch out my wings, glad for the small bit of clearing that I could do so. Somehow, with a tremendous effort, I manage to get out of the jungle and go up and up and up until I can land easily not too far from her. The trail leading back down barely visible behind her. “Hey Little Miss.”  I say softly, settling in next to her and looking out over the island with her.  
     
    ...and full of terrors.
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    #2
    It turned out that a nice, quiet little cave was not the right place for Kali to go to have herself a think. To ponder and puzzle and not worry, because Khari told her not to worry, but to certainly at least consider everything that had happened and what it all meant. Her happy little cave was too dark and too closed in and too quiet, and not at all the right place for this particular pondering.

    Restless and struggling to find a bit of her usual chipper contentment, Kali climbed to the highest spot in Ischia, a craggy bit toward the middle with a nice cliff she could stand on and look out over the ocean. Feel the wind in her hair, and remember what Khari said the wind felt like on his wings when it was blowing.

    The wind was blowing today. Up here, at least, it tangled in her hair, swirled across her skin, flowing over her and washing away the lingering uncomfortable itchiness that had settled beneath her skin and left her...confused. Still, she couldn’t help but wonder if that really was what it felt like to have wings. The whisper of breath along her skin making the whole world narrow down to one spot, one moment.

    He said not to worry about it. That it wouldn’t happen again, or at least he’d try not to. But it was hard not to think about it, hard not to wonder. She’d have to decide if it was a good secret or a bad one, or that was what he’d said before he’d changed his mind. Kali’s brow furrowed, and she stared out at the sea, breathing in the salty air and trying to find that happy, peaceful feeling she’d felt not so very long ago.

    Now it was all tangled up and confused, all nervous, anxious knots in her stomach.

    “Hey, little miss.”

    Kali’s head jerked toward the sound, eyes wide and heart jumping. “Oh! Hi, bigger miss!” She smiled and tucked herself up against Roma’s side, resting her head against her friend’s neck. “I didn’t see you there. You must’ve been particularly sneaky, huh?” Or she’d been particularly distracted, but the other one sounded better. “Hey, Roma?” Kali peeked up at her, her brow still wrinkled with thought. “Your wings are pretty. Are they brand new, or did they just hide better before?”
    Kirby and Lacey's
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    #3

    The night is dark...
    I was a bit more observant, I think, due to who my Father was. Not that hers was any less of a father, but Pazuzu had many people that might have not been particularly fond of him. Others that he had hurt or family members of those he had raped, those that he had terrorized until they had went insane. His past was not a typical one. He had always been the monster hiding under your bed, or the one that was face to face with you when you opened your eyes. He hadn’t been pleasant. He hadn’t been courteous and nice and gallant. No, my Father had been a straight up asshole to everyone.

    Hell, even to my Mom. He had once upon a time been a stallion named Jack. Nothing special, just a simple brown and white stallion, except, he wasn’t. He was normally a oily black or a dull black. Nothing especially flashy or brilliant until he wanted to be. And his eyes, his eyes had always been the same black. He was black, inside and out.

    So, it was because of his past, the things that he had done (that he never really especially felt bad for) that we had to be more vigilant as children, until we were grown and strong and ready. We never told anyone who our parents were. I don’t really know if that is because it never really came up, or if because someone Father had always subtly trained us not too.

    So I know that it’s not that I was especially quiet. The flapping of my wings would have given me away to anyone that was paying attention. And then the stumbling of my hooves over the small rocks and the huffing of my breath as it whooshed from my lungs while I caught my breath. Small things, but things others would have noticed if they had been paying attention.

    I just smile a bit, my teeth scratching against her neck. I stretched my wing out and settled it lightly over her back as she leaned her head against my neck. “Hey Roma,” she says, tilting her face up to look at mine. I meet her gaze with a smile and stretch the other one out and about. “Brand new. I’m still trying to get used to them.” I pause, settling it back against my side. “I’m surprised you didn’t hear me. I wasn’t very quiet as I landed.” A smile that makes fun of my own inability to land quietly yet, all in teasing as I worked on easing her into talking about whatever had her brow all scrunched in thought. “You want to talk about whatever it is that is making your face all squishy?” I decided that more open and face to face about it was going to be the best way.

    She was too much like her Father to want it any other way and maybe I didn’t want to disrespect either of them, even a tad bit, by insinuating that she wasn’t smart enough or big enough to handle whatever she was feeling by herself. I just wanted to help. I just wanted there to always be someone for her to talk to if she needed it. Someone that wasn’t blood.


    ...and full of terrors.
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    #4
    Kali sighed and cuddled a little closer as Roma’s wing settled over her, just like Khari’s always did. So nice, like a great big hug wrapped around her. “I like them. Do you? What do they feel like? Is it weird having wings when you didn’t before? A good kind of weird, or a confusing kind of weird that sort of sits in your belly and feels all tangled and heavy? Or maybe sometimes both? Like really nice but also a little uncomfortable? Because they’re this piece of you you didn’t have before? That must be so strange, but flying seems lovely and Khari says wings feel really nice.”

    Roma’s teasing grin coaxed a little smile out of Kali, too. Nothing nearly as big as Roma’s, but a smile nonetheless. She rubbed her cheek against her friend’s shoulder and shrugged. “I guess I was a little distracted,” she admitted, looking back out over the water. “I wasn’t paying attention. You surprised me. Nobody really comes up here most of the time, so I didn’t even think to be looking.” Plus she’d been awfully preoccupied.

    “You want to talk about whatever it is that is making your face all squishy?”

    Kali snorted, reaching up to bump the bottom of Roma’s chin with her nose. “Squishy, huh? Maybe I got zapped by a fairy and now instead of iron like my dad, I’m made of squish.” She grinned and bumped her shoulder against Roma’s, raising her brows and looking down at her own with wide, astonished eyes. “Huh, nope. No squish there. Just normal flesh and bone. What do you know?”

    But there was quiet persistence in Roma’s watchful golden eyes, and Kali shrugged, her grin fading. “Nah. Just thinking, that’s all. Part of getting older, right? Growing and changing and learning what that means and who you are when you’re maybe not just a kid anymore. What about you? Anything you want to talk about?”
    Kirby and Lacey's
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    #5

    The night is dark...
    “I like them. Do you? What do they feel like? Is it weird having wings when you didn’t before? A good kind of weird, or a confusing kind of weird that sort of sits in your belly and feels all tangled and heavy? Or maybe sometimes both? Like really nice but also a little uncomfortable? Because they’re this piece of you you didn’t have before? That must be so strange, but flying seems lovely and Khari says wings feel really nice.”

    Whatever it was that was bothering her was something new. I wasn’t sure if I much cared for the heavy feeling that settled low in my stomach as she talked. I understood that growing up could be strange and scary and weird, but I don’t ever much remember describing something like that to either of my parents. I am sure I must have at one point, because I know what the different emotions are. I know how to deal with them, but the way that she says it. The way that she even says her brother’s name makes all of my instincts come to attention. But I know nothing, I don’t know what’s going on in her head or what might have happened.

    The thought of her brother having something to do with any of what she was feeling made me instantly deny it. Brothers didn’t do things that made you uncomfortable. They protected you, kept you safe. They kept the rest of the world away so that you only knew the good, or at least, as well as they were able to. They were your best friend and your best guardian in a world that was sometimes far too cruel.

    They never added to it.

    “It feels…different.” I tilt my head slightly as I attempt to untangle my sudden mixed feelings. I work around the heaviness that settled in the bottom of my stomach and try to remember more of what I had felt when I had been bestowed with permanent wings. “See, I used to be able to use wings a long while ago, before the world went crazy and all the magic was sucked back into the Mountain.” I turn my eyes in the direction that the mountain was and sigh softly. “I had a shifting ability that was an animal with wings and so I could use them. But then I lost it and I learned to be okay without it. I never thought much about it again.” So I turn my eyes back to hers. “So it’s different having them all the time, but not bad. It’s kind of nice, once I remember how to use them the way I used to.” I say with a grin, my lips touching her forehead.

    She reaches up with a snort to bump the bottom of my face and I smile a small smile as she starts to joke. Her shoulder bumping against my own as she jests. I roll my eyes and snort in amusement. However I don’t stop giving her that quiet steady look that Grandda used all the time. She shrugged slightly. “That’s true. You are growing and changing, new things are going to make you feel new ways. It can be a mess, but you don’t have to think about it alone.” I smile a bit. “Sure. I’ll tell you mine if you will tell me yours.” I say after a moment. “I’ll even tell you some of mine first, if you want.”

    ...and full of terrors.
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    #6
    Hmm. Roma answered more for the heart kind of feeling than the body kind, but that was good information too. It didn’t tell her what it physically felt like to have feathers, and these whole extra limbs that let you fly through the air, but it was still very interesting. So Kali nodded and smiled back at her friend.

    “That makes sense. I didn’t know you used to have wings. That was before I was born, huh? Dad told me about that once, about the world changing so much all at once. He said he even wasn’t shiny for a little while, that he was just a normal horse. Or, well, as normal as Dad could ever be. He was still painted just like me and Khari and Kylie, and he was still him. He said he hit on a fairy and she smashed him in the face with his shiny. She hit him so hard he gave five whole other people back their magic just by touching them. Including the dragon who lives on one of Ischia’s smaller islands.”

    Maybe she should ask him what wings felt like.

    “Did you like being able to change shape? Oh or does talking about that make you sad now when you can’t? We don’t have to, if you don’t want to.” Roma was just looking down at her though, golden eyes calm and steady and knowing like she could see all the way inside Kali’s head like Khari could. “Do you do anything else other than shape-changing?” Probably Kali would’ve seen it by now, if she could read minds some. For maybe the first time, she hoped not. It felt private, the things Khari had said would have to be secret. Like something just for the two of them, and she didn’t want to talk about it.

    Instead, she jumped on the sort of subject change. “Hmm. How about you tell me yours, and we’ll see? It’s really not a big deal, and I’d much rather hear what you’re thinking about.”
    Kirby and Lacey's
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    #7

    The night is dark...
    I somehow manage to not laugh at a not shiny Kerberos. I could only imagine how he might have been when the world changed. I do however laugh when she tells me how he got smacked with the shiny. Kerberos was unimaginable sometimes. Hitting on a fairy, hmm? I would have to ask him about that story the next time I saw him. I’m sure he would have all kinds of wonderful add-ons.

    Gods, what a moron.

    I pretend I don’t hear that overly affectionate tone in my head as I say that.

    “Yes, I did. However, I didn’t much care for the animal that I changed into. So that means I didn’t use it a whole lot. It was all a little bit too girly for me.” A small shrug of my shoulders, my wing raising up along her back briefly before settling back over and cuddling her back close to my side. “I used to be able to change into a swan. Beautiful birds, but not one I was especially fond of. I always hoped I could change into something with claws.” I grin a bit. “Oh, no, that was it for me.”

    I can see the stubborn glint in her eyes and I don’t miss the way that she changes the topic. I sigh softly, my eyes telling her she wasn’t fooling me at all. So I tell her one of the more generic things. No, not really generic, but it…it wasn’t a secret like what she was hiding. So I tell her things that aren’t really secrets with me either.

    “I’m thinking of my family. How much I miss them. How I wonder every day if they are still alive out there somewhere.” My eyes turn from hers to look out over where the mainland hovered on the horizon. I could see the sandbars under the water, the only way on and off the island unless you had wings. “I worry how they faired without the magic.” I sigh softly, finding my thoughts wandering towards Father who I had no doubt had hidden himself away. If he had made it of course.

    My golden eyes go back to her and I say nothing, just let her see a bit of that sadness, that confusion, that hurt before I tuck it away. Hiding most of it away and not on my face, that was a trick Father had taught me to keep from getting my heart broken by what other’s saw on my face.

    “I really miss my brother.” I say after a small quiet moment.

    ...and full of terrors.
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    #8
    Kali tilted her head, listening as Roma talked about her other shape, the one she used to be able to be. “Swans are lovely and elegant, though, and I could see that in the shape of you some. You have a very elegant neck, and lovely, refined features. And you’re very well-balanced and light of foot. Graceful, like swans are. I mean, sure, they’re not ferocious like a tiger or a bear. But they’re beautiful. And I bet it would be easy to sneak around as a swan. After all, how many people look at a swan and get suspicious that they’re listening in? Or that they’re spying, or that they’re somewhere they shouldn’t be? That could come very in handy, I’d think. Even if it’s not what you’d pick on your own.”

    There was a look in her eyes, something wise and knowing in the depths of gold that told Kali she saw more than she said. But she didn’t push, talking instead about her family, how she missed them, how she worried about them. Kali reached out and nuzzled her shoulder, rubbed her cheek there too for comfort.

    “That must be really hard,” she said softly, looking up at Roma with sympathetic eyes. “I think it would break my heart if my family were gone. If I couldn’t find them, and didn’t now they were okay. Especially my brother too. He’s my best friend, and it would make me so sad to be missing him all the time. I think it would hurt all the way down to my bones. It’d make my whole body hurt not to be able to cuddle up to him, have him drape his wing over me and ruffle my hair. Your heart must hurt pretty badly, huh?” She cuddled in a little closer, tucking herself just a little bit more under Roma’s wing. “I’m sorry, Roma. I hope you find them soon, or they find you.”
    Kirby and Lacey's
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    #9

    The night is dark...
    I nod slightly as she talks about the swans. “Thank you.” My lips finding her forehead and brushing against it lightly. Somehow, this little imp had wiggled her way so deep into my heart that it was hard for me to think of a life without her. I did so love to cuddle with her, the way she would press her side against my own and her face would find all kinds of ways to rub against my shoulder or my neck. I did so hope she never grew out of the easy love she gave to most.

    “You are right of course, but I don’t know it’s just…” I sigh softly, blowing my breath out past my lips. “I am not the quiet, sneaky type. I could be, if I practiced but I would much rather face something head on.” I tilt my head slightly, keeping my golden eyes on her. “I don’t mind secrets and all that hush, hush spy shit, but I would never choose it for myself.” I pause a moment. “Does that make sense?” And then I laugh. “I suppose I’m more like your daddy, straight to the point and blunt as hell.”

    Wouldn’t that be fun down the road?

    I wrap my wing around her a little tighter as she snuggles closer, her body offering me comfort and I smile a small smile for her. “Sometimes. Sometimes it’s easier to pretend like they are still around, even if it hurts more when I realize they might not be.” I press my lips against her cheek, draping my neck over hers lightly as I pull her in for a small quick hug. “Thank you, baby girl.” I say softly, “So do I.” I hold her tightly for a moment before letting her go, my golden eyes falling from her own to look back out across the ocean that surrounded our home.

    ...and full of terrors.
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    #10
    “Yeah, that makes sense. Some secrets are fun or tricky or special, but spying doesn’t seem like a fun kind of secret. I’d imagine it’s useful sometimes to be able to though. Just in case.” In case of what, exactly, Kali wasn’t entirely sure. But it seemed true, whether she understood it fully or not. “I don’t think Daddy would be very good at secrets. Or. I mean, maybe he would be good at other people’s secrets, but I don’t think he has much use for having secrets of his own. It would be an awful lot of work for him, trying to keep them in, I think.” Her dad was more the blurt things out and think them through later type. “I think it’s kind of cute, even if it does get him in trouble sometimes.”

    Kali tilted her head, studying Roma thoughtfully. There was something interesting in the way she sounded when she mentioned Kali’s dad. “Hey, Roma?” She leaned a little closer, eyes narrowing in concentration as she looked into Roma’s pretty golden eyes. “Hmm. You’ve got a good one though, huh? Secret, I mean. That’s okay, you don’t have to tell me. Some secrets want to be quiet, want to be just yours for a while. Or just yours and somebody else’s sometimes, especially when they’re not just your secret.” She smiled and looked out over the water, breaking her stare.

    Her smile faltered just for a moment, her brow wrinkling as she watched the waves dance. “Or when you don’t quite understand them yet, or they’re a little confusing. Sometimes they need to sit in your chest for a little while, or in the pit of your belly as a nervous little flutter, reminding you you’ve got things to think about.” Like strange new feelings, and the way one small moment can make something you thought you knew completely different.

    She shrugged, smiling at Roma again. “I think I like that about Daddy, though. And I like how he makes me feel good in my chest, helps me not be soft and shy. Loud and proud, that’s what he says. That it’s important to remember I’ve got a right to the space I take up, and I shouldn’t try to make myself tiny and unseen. Well not unless there’s somebody bad around, then it’s really okay to be all inconspicuous. But when there are nice people around, it’s good to be me, big and bold, so people can see how great I am instead of missing it ‘cause I’m maybe a little nervous and hiding. The right people will love me for it, and the wrong ones aren’t worth my time. That seems pretty smart, huh? And makes it easier to not be scared.”
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