[private] don't put my love on your back burner. || circinae

[Canaan]

Canaan

Don't put my love on your back burner.
Never let anything that hot get cold.

  It won’t be forever.

  Forever is all that he has – unyielding, time was, slowly stealing the youth away from the soft and feminine curve of her cheek, away from the ridge of her brow, and the crease beneath each eye. She is beautiful (as beautiful as she had always been – vibrant, pulsating with raw energy) and he is captivated, as if time merely stood still, as if time never meant to remind him that his time with her is fleeting. That his time with her is wasted on political obsession; that his time with her is lost on others. Jealousy does not boil within his blood; it never has, and it never would – but envy?

  Envious that her heart is so full, that her mind is so restless, that her will is so strong that she is consumed by the compulsion to push further, harder. Envious of those who attract her attention; envious of what fierce endeavor so often takes hold of her heart. She is searching for some sliver of wholeness to fill whatever void lay within her heart, and he is left wondering if she can even see it. He had thought himself enough; he had thought Jah-Lilah enough. The love shared, the love made (his loin stirs at the thought of it, remembering the undeniable chemistry).  

  Was it enough?
  Would it ever be enough?

  When she presses closer to him, his heart aches. He only desired her happiness, but would power be enough? He is reminded again of his mother, of her tireless effort to make something of herself, to be something - to someone! But to whom? He cannot make sense of the desire to carve one’s name into history; history so often fades away with the ravenous tide. Gone with the wind. Forgotten in time.

  But he, pressed against her, languishing soft and affectionate kisses along her spine, feeling her tremble and shiver beneath his touch – that would not be soon forgotten. Forever etched into his mind, forever drawing out a soft and contented sigh from his breast as the wind urges her closer to him, as if he can somehow consume her and keep her for his own.

  ”Is that so?” He murmurs at last, pausing as his dark lips hover over her neck, but she is pulling away. Always pulling away. His lips seek out the warmth of her skin again, cheek brushing along her shoulder as he becomes parallel to her, gazing for a wistful moment out into the endless sea. Knowing that beyond the horizon, where the brilliant sky becomes dark and hazy from the endless plumes of volcanic smoke, the land of his upbringing lay. ”I think you might be mistaken, my love. If it were not for you, Jah-Lilah and I would not be here.” He muses softly with a chuckle, but the humor is lost in the storminess of his golden flecks, gazing into her own of soft blue.

  Have I made a mistake?
  His heart clenches.

  Deep down, he has asked himself the same question.

  He does not show her his uncertainty; his uncertainty does not lie within her. She is fierce, vivacious, a natural leader. His uncertainty is within himself, unsure if he can be all that she desires. Unsure if he is holding her back. Unsure if her doubt is because of him.

  ”No,” he says quietly (truthfully). ”you are following your heart, and you are doing what you feel you must to protect those you care for. Those you love.”

  But.

  The hesitance is thick and heavy in the uncomfortable humidity of dusk, and from the hearth of his chest, a heavy wind is born. Sweeping over the length of their bodies, entangling itself within the knotted tresses that lay across their necks, dampened from the salty brine of the sea and the granules of sand spread throughout.

”But will it be enough?”

And if you ever change your mind and want to leave my love behind,
Just let me be the second one to know.

@[Circinae]