[private] Kagerus, dear

[Kagerus]

kagerus

and in my dreams, i kissed your lips a thousand times

"Then by that logic so was I," I choke, tears gathering in my widely spread eyes as I consider the mass of darkness, terrified to think of my brother as anything except real and warm and mine. We are lovers quarreling, unsure of this world without the other by our sides, but stubbornly pushing them away with each attempt at reunion. But this time feels different - I flinch as he materializes, emotion overwhelming my body, but in the next heartbeat, I am pressed flat against him.

My baby brother.
"I'm right here, please, please stay..." The words are murmured into his mane as my neck, slung across his, tightens and pulls him closer. He's taller than me now, more muscled and distinctly smelling of other places. But despite these differences I do not change our usual posture, with me wrapped around him, drawing him into me with the love only a sister knows how to give. "I missed you so much Khae."

I never meant to hurt you. The words leave me breathless, and my eyes squeeze, shutting out the rest of the world. There's only us, blood-bonded friends, finding solace in each other after an eternity spent in the storm of solitude. Suddenly, without realizing it, I'm shaking my head, no, no, you didn't hurt me, I promise, you could never. "I know," I choke out instead. "I - I didn't mean to hurt you either." I let you down, I stained your image of me, I should have been better, I -

I want to get back what we lost.

As these words tumble from my jaded brother's pale lips, I feel my feet slowly returning beneath me, gravity righting itself until I can stand without the support of his body against mine. With a shuddering inhale, I unclasp our bodies but our souls remain tethered, stubborn in their union now that we have given them even half a chance to rejoin. Taking a careful step back, I twist my neck to try and catch his fearfully black gaze - but I am not scared when I drown in their shadowed pools. I bask in them, finally at home again.

"I want that too. And - I think we can."

I inhale again, strengthening myself for what I need to tell him - a part of me wants to ask, do you want to know?, but the other part, the greater part, already knows the answer.

"I dreamt my son into my lover's body. Rapt - he gave birth to Abysm." I stare at Khaedrik, a solid dread building in my stomach until it feels like I might tear from its weight. "I abandoned them." Though I wear an emotionless, vacant mask across my face, I wonder if he can simply understand why, if he can read the reasons in the fibers of my skin. "But - they are in my lives again now. And - I've a mate. Solace. You know her - we're..." I trail off, not knowing how to say it - lovers, wives, soulmates.

I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head, violently shattering the calmness I'd presented during these phrases. "But it wasn't right without you here." I try a smile, worrying whether he'll resent me for it, not knowing how to go forward from here but desperately wanting to.

"I want you here, by my side. Always."

@[Khaedrik]