06-10-2018, 05:28 AM
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<center><div class="ilmacontain"><div class="ilma"><i>Ilma</i></div><div class="ilmagrad"></div><div class="ilmaquote">And there's a lesson waiting to be learned<br>the firestarters always get the burns<br>and the good guys never get the girl</div><div style="padding-left:10px;padding-right:10px;"><p class="ilmamess">
A white mare is probably far too easy to find. Especially one who rarely leaves her home, and when she does, she does so only shortly. For a diplomat I even travel rarely, the blood alliance with Nerine being one of two kingdoms sharing a border, and the alliance with Tephra keeps being secured with Solace being Warrick’s daughter, without interference from Hyaline’s Ambassador. No, it would only be trips to the field and perhaps once or twice a year to Ischia that would take me away from home.
At least in the normal circumstances.
Today is not such a normal day. I suppose that my life has had way more ups and downs than I would have ever anticipated, and being in one such an upwards-curved spiral I suppose I had it long since coming. I spied a bush of Leontopodium nivale; had been aiming for it and focused on the idea of bringing some down for my friend. Perhaps I want to compete with Kagerus, bringing a rarer flower than she. I know that it is a ridiculous idea to even think that we should compete at all, but whenever I see him prancing around being proud of his wilting flowers, I cannot help to feel a little jealous for not being the one who thought of this. He’s happy with the littlest of things, and I cannot get my head denying the idea that he deserves a little more - more than he tiny though beautiful things, more than just silly old me, with my two kids who in retrospect should’ve been his, at least the youngest one should.
I don’t think he has ever thought of being a father, but I’m sure he would be great at it. Better than I am a mother, maybe, for giving one child away and not finding myself 100% loving the other, even if he is the cutest little colt ever. It’s haunting how much he takes after his father, but he is mine and I am so happy that he develops in a different way. To be greater than myself and definitely be greater than his dad.
I cope, and perhaps I will send him away too. It might be better for his development, if he were among friends instead of the crazy way of a family I can offer him. But if I myself would disappear, at least my fellow kingdom members know how to take care of my loved ones.
Which is exactly what’s going through my mind now that I’m here. It’s just so weird. I had been flying, to go for those white flowers, remember? All that I remember after that, is that I heard the birds - as usual I would steer a bit away from them, to let them pass, but they followed this time, a huge flock surrounding me in my flight above the mountains. So much that I couldn’t see where I was going, so I let them guide me, trusting in their eyes but all the while knowing that this was so utterly weird for a flock of birds - to ensnare a flying mare as it were, to guide me somewhere I did not, do not know, making so many turns along the way so that I don’t even know if we’re still in Beqanna or if we’ve crossed the sea to somewhere else.
All I know is that right now I am no longer home. It scares me less than I thought it would, less than I should, probably, too. Looking around there is nothing familiar, but I know I must have been put to sleep or fallen unconscious one way or another, maybe I was too tired, maybe there had been magic involved to block my memories and therefore some of my pain and shock are lulled. But I remember that I have to find a way back at some point, and already a stubbornness I haven’t felt since attempting to defy Ashhal (which was even a weak attempt then), is threatening to take over. But there’s nothing to defy in my cell right now. I sigh, pace, waiting for my captors to show. I know my loved ones are cared for, but I do not want to give into this weirdness without trying to get home.
There’s still so much left to be done.
</p></div><div class="ilmaquoterepeat">and shooting stars cannot fix the world</div></div></center>
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<center><div class="ilmacontain"><div class="ilma"><i>Ilma</i></div><div class="ilmagrad"></div><div class="ilmaquote">And there's a lesson waiting to be learned<br>the firestarters always get the burns<br>and the good guys never get the girl</div><div style="padding-left:10px;padding-right:10px;"><p class="ilmamess">
A white mare is probably far too easy to find. Especially one who rarely leaves her home, and when she does, she does so only shortly. For a diplomat I even travel rarely, the blood alliance with Nerine being one of two kingdoms sharing a border, and the alliance with Tephra keeps being secured with Solace being Warrick’s daughter, without interference from Hyaline’s Ambassador. No, it would only be trips to the field and perhaps once or twice a year to Ischia that would take me away from home.
At least in the normal circumstances.
Today is not such a normal day. I suppose that my life has had way more ups and downs than I would have ever anticipated, and being in one such an upwards-curved spiral I suppose I had it long since coming. I spied a bush of Leontopodium nivale; had been aiming for it and focused on the idea of bringing some down for my friend. Perhaps I want to compete with Kagerus, bringing a rarer flower than she. I know that it is a ridiculous idea to even think that we should compete at all, but whenever I see him prancing around being proud of his wilting flowers, I cannot help to feel a little jealous for not being the one who thought of this. He’s happy with the littlest of things, and I cannot get my head denying the idea that he deserves a little more - more than he tiny though beautiful things, more than just silly old me, with my two kids who in retrospect should’ve been his, at least the youngest one should.
I don’t think he has ever thought of being a father, but I’m sure he would be great at it. Better than I am a mother, maybe, for giving one child away and not finding myself 100% loving the other, even if he is the cutest little colt ever. It’s haunting how much he takes after his father, but he is mine and I am so happy that he develops in a different way. To be greater than myself and definitely be greater than his dad.
I cope, and perhaps I will send him away too. It might be better for his development, if he were among friends instead of the crazy way of a family I can offer him. But if I myself would disappear, at least my fellow kingdom members know how to take care of my loved ones.
Which is exactly what’s going through my mind now that I’m here. It’s just so weird. I had been flying, to go for those white flowers, remember? All that I remember after that, is that I heard the birds - as usual I would steer a bit away from them, to let them pass, but they followed this time, a huge flock surrounding me in my flight above the mountains. So much that I couldn’t see where I was going, so I let them guide me, trusting in their eyes but all the while knowing that this was so utterly weird for a flock of birds - to ensnare a flying mare as it were, to guide me somewhere I did not, do not know, making so many turns along the way so that I don’t even know if we’re still in Beqanna or if we’ve crossed the sea to somewhere else.
All I know is that right now I am no longer home. It scares me less than I thought it would, less than I should, probably, too. Looking around there is nothing familiar, but I know I must have been put to sleep or fallen unconscious one way or another, maybe I was too tired, maybe there had been magic involved to block my memories and therefore some of my pain and shock are lulled. But I remember that I have to find a way back at some point, and already a stubbornness I haven’t felt since attempting to defy Ashhal (which was even a weak attempt then), is threatening to take over. But there’s nothing to defy in my cell right now. I sigh, pace, waiting for my captors to show. I know my loved ones are cared for, but I do not want to give into this weirdness without trying to get home.
There’s still so much left to be done.
</p></div><div class="ilmaquoterepeat">and shooting stars cannot fix the world</div></div></center>
Any fool knows men and women think differently at times, but the biggest difference is this: men forget, but never forgive; women forgive, but never forget.
Robert Jordan, Wheel of Time