I’m gonna stand here in the ache; vulgaris

[vulgaris]

Vulgaris

"  when she's coming for my heart it feels like armageddon. "
This love is everything a man could ever wan – pure and perfect, deepened exponentially by the unborn daughter to winged girl carries. The life that they could have together is a thing of envy but he can’t anchor himself to it the way that he should. Instead he leaves himself adrift in some tumultuous sea where drowning is near certainty. Still, she is something like a life raft and they float together despite whatever storms may come, cradled in one another’s embrace. To onlookers it may resemble the tale of the little girl who finds a snake in the snow, but he’s doing his best not to bite her. She knows what he is but he wants so badly to be better, to outgrow the skin of yesterday and become something admirable.

And yet.. And yet, he wants to be hideous so at least everyone who looks at him will know exactly what he really is. If that were the case, he’d never have to chase them away.

Her pleas are tired and desperate for some kind of love to dig deep into all the quiet places of her. He hears it and he wants to graze his fingers through every sacred part of her soul, to trace the letters of his name inside her so she’ll never forget him when she leaves. (And he’s certain she will someday. Nothing beautiful deserves to suffer alongside him.)

“Please don’t ever leave. I’m so tired of being alone,” he confesses once she’s made her demands of him. “Promise me you’ll stay and I’ll give you anything you want.”

There it is – his greatest fear rearing its ugly head from the depths of who he is. This is the pit from which his violence and his infidelity spawn, the root of all that is wrong with him. He leans his head against her as her lips explore the entirety of his neck, drawing a content sigh from his lips. Vulgaris is beginning to have enough faith in her that he’s not afraid to peel the veil away from the truest pieces of him. If she says that she wants all of him then he’s willing to swan dive into her love, maybe even drown if that’s what’s meant to be.

“Someday we’ll have the life we’ve always dreamed of. I promise.”

@[leliana]