09-16-2018, 09:03 PM
Breckin
the truth that you'll find
will always be the truth you hide
will always be the truth you hide
She’d known for awhile now, how he had started to feel about her in the past.
The memory had to come to her by sheer chance while roaming Nerine. Breckin hadn’t been paying attention to where she’d been walking, and inadvertently must have let the carefully kept walls containing her empathic ability to go somewhat lax. Because with the next footfall her vision had become marred, blurred as the ghostly images of her and Leilan flickered to life in front of her. The memory was one that she had suppressed deep within, simply unwilling to go back to the day where the downward spiral had began. But like most things in her life, it had only been a matter of time before the past would come back to haunt her.
And haunt her it did--it would--for many restless nights thereafter, as she was forced to relive the exchange again, this time being fed the wide range of both her emotions and Leilan’s alike. She could’ve shunned the memory away and locked it firmly behind sacred walls, but as the shadows of the past poured into her, she couldn’t find the means to turn away, watching entirely fixated through fluttering lids as she fed off of his emotions at the time, now easily recognizing the deeply rooted feeling within him that she had come to acknowledge that same day.
“Leilan,” she had breathed through her downturned lips. What had she done? You ran away, selfish and scared, the devil inside her whispered eagerly, dragging all her deeply hidden doubts back front and center again. Defeated, drained, useless, her head had hung low, knowing all too well that the growing voice within her was right. And she wondered what she should possibly do, to try to fix it.
The thought had crossed her mind, to track him down, admit all of her mistakes and failures and strange feelings; she’d even taken a few steps eastward towards where Ischia lied. But something stops her short, remembering again the last time she had seen him, and instead of travelling to the island kingdom, she’d found herself weaving her way back through the Forest, to the very spot the pair of them at eyed each other down not so long ago. She’d slipped through the images of the past, feeling everything again—how could it feel so impossibly raw still?—the heat, the anger, the rage, the pain. And hidden beneath weight of all those prevailing emotions, a withered love had managed to survive it all.
Like dust settling on the battlefield after war is waged, the pieces and parts had slowly worked themselves together. Breckin understood entirely now, where all those wicked emotions of his had stemmed from, why he’d verbally lashed out at her after the hasty retreat from the Field.
And in the Forest, she had been forced to hear his bitter last words again.
”So since you're so set on avoiding me, do a better job at it and leave me alone!”
Someone might as well have drove a dull stake into her heart and twisted, it probably would have been less painful than this time hearing those damned words. Because she knew, despite how much she wanted to hold onto the stubborn urge to find him now and question him and apologize and who the hell knows what else…she just couldn’t. The part that still loved him wouldn’t allow it, wouldn’t let her be selfish this time, would only make her stand idly by as a remnant of his past—just so that she could grant him his wish.
To stay out of his life.
And let him be happy.
But the distance between them had hardened her, sharpened her, made looking into his tumultuously changing eyes now relatively easier than it would have in the past. But as the roan stallion confesses to her tonight, the hardened side of her turns malleable, and the sharpness begins to dull; ultimately breaking her down to nothing more than the shadow of the girl she was when they had first met so long ago.
“Finally.” Breckin doesn’t think, only acts out of latent desire, and moves into him, pressing her ivory forehead into his scaled shoulder as if his solidness were the only thing keeping her from collapsing. “It’s not your fault, Leilan. I’m sorry I was the source of your pain for so long.”
Closing her eyes, she sifts through her own memories without difficulty, grabbing that one particular day with fluid ease before easing it into Leilan’s vision. Again, it was the day she’d found him on Nerine’s sands, but this time, she wanted to give him some understanding to her actions in the past. There was no need to show him his own feelings, and so she focuses solely on her own, while showing the vivid memory in its entirety. She showed him the humor she’d felt at first, then shyness she’d felt at his touch, the anger and worry having learned of his capture in Loess, then the worry spiraling out of control only to evolve into a burgeoning love. And how that realization had startled and scared her beyond the means of her understanding. The memory fades away as her past self turned away from him, the last of the emotions felt falling into the lap of sadness as the tears had filled her eyes that day.
Her eyes reopen, but she doesn’t move away, unable to move from the weight of her own admittance and out of rising fear of how he might react.
The memory had to come to her by sheer chance while roaming Nerine. Breckin hadn’t been paying attention to where she’d been walking, and inadvertently must have let the carefully kept walls containing her empathic ability to go somewhat lax. Because with the next footfall her vision had become marred, blurred as the ghostly images of her and Leilan flickered to life in front of her. The memory was one that she had suppressed deep within, simply unwilling to go back to the day where the downward spiral had began. But like most things in her life, it had only been a matter of time before the past would come back to haunt her.
And haunt her it did--it would--for many restless nights thereafter, as she was forced to relive the exchange again, this time being fed the wide range of both her emotions and Leilan’s alike. She could’ve shunned the memory away and locked it firmly behind sacred walls, but as the shadows of the past poured into her, she couldn’t find the means to turn away, watching entirely fixated through fluttering lids as she fed off of his emotions at the time, now easily recognizing the deeply rooted feeling within him that she had come to acknowledge that same day.
“Leilan,” she had breathed through her downturned lips. What had she done? You ran away, selfish and scared, the devil inside her whispered eagerly, dragging all her deeply hidden doubts back front and center again. Defeated, drained, useless, her head had hung low, knowing all too well that the growing voice within her was right. And she wondered what she should possibly do, to try to fix it.
The thought had crossed her mind, to track him down, admit all of her mistakes and failures and strange feelings; she’d even taken a few steps eastward towards where Ischia lied. But something stops her short, remembering again the last time she had seen him, and instead of travelling to the island kingdom, she’d found herself weaving her way back through the Forest, to the very spot the pair of them at eyed each other down not so long ago. She’d slipped through the images of the past, feeling everything again—how could it feel so impossibly raw still?—the heat, the anger, the rage, the pain. And hidden beneath weight of all those prevailing emotions, a withered love had managed to survive it all.
Like dust settling on the battlefield after war is waged, the pieces and parts had slowly worked themselves together. Breckin understood entirely now, where all those wicked emotions of his had stemmed from, why he’d verbally lashed out at her after the hasty retreat from the Field.
And in the Forest, she had been forced to hear his bitter last words again.
”So since you're so set on avoiding me, do a better job at it and leave me alone!”
Someone might as well have drove a dull stake into her heart and twisted, it probably would have been less painful than this time hearing those damned words. Because she knew, despite how much she wanted to hold onto the stubborn urge to find him now and question him and apologize and who the hell knows what else…she just couldn’t. The part that still loved him wouldn’t allow it, wouldn’t let her be selfish this time, would only make her stand idly by as a remnant of his past—just so that she could grant him his wish.
To stay out of his life.
And let him be happy.
But the distance between them had hardened her, sharpened her, made looking into his tumultuously changing eyes now relatively easier than it would have in the past. But as the roan stallion confesses to her tonight, the hardened side of her turns malleable, and the sharpness begins to dull; ultimately breaking her down to nothing more than the shadow of the girl she was when they had first met so long ago.
“Finally.” Breckin doesn’t think, only acts out of latent desire, and moves into him, pressing her ivory forehead into his scaled shoulder as if his solidness were the only thing keeping her from collapsing. “It’s not your fault, Leilan. I’m sorry I was the source of your pain for so long.”
Closing her eyes, she sifts through her own memories without difficulty, grabbing that one particular day with fluid ease before easing it into Leilan’s vision. Again, it was the day she’d found him on Nerine’s sands, but this time, she wanted to give him some understanding to her actions in the past. There was no need to show him his own feelings, and so she focuses solely on her own, while showing the vivid memory in its entirety. She showed him the humor she’d felt at first, then shyness she’d felt at his touch, the anger and worry having learned of his capture in Loess, then the worry spiraling out of control only to evolve into a burgeoning love. And how that realization had startled and scared her beyond the means of her understanding. The memory fades away as her past self turned away from him, the last of the emotions felt falling into the lap of sadness as the tears had filled her eyes that day.
Her eyes reopen, but she doesn’t move away, unable to move from the weight of her own admittance and out of rising fear of how he might react.
your world is still lacking of me, how do you love?
@[Leilan] I got tired and might've started rambling. hopefully this all makes sense because she confuses me sometimes lol