10-16-2018, 10:17 AM
It takes a moment, for anything he’d said to sink in with her, but she reacts quick enough. She wouldn’t want to hurt the child, no. Fine. That’s settled then – it’s the only thing they’ve agreed on. Anything else… not so much.
His icy gaze hardens when the bay mare speaks next. He’s seen her eyes dart towards Breckin with mixed emotions, but funnily enough she cannot comprehend that he has those, too. Feelings, that is. He just never knew how to cope with the major ones, it seems – everything he does, everything he feels, he does it with maximum intensity; that includes the times he was angry with himself, angry with Breckin, or the way he lost himself in the mere idea of starting over or longing for a woman’s touch – anyone’s was good enough at that point – or the hurt that consumed him and got him all up and down that mountain. But it also includes the way he loves his children, or Breckin. There’s nothing, ever, that’s allowed to get in between that.
Roseen just had the worst timing in the world, to fall for the empty thing that he was at the time. The not-thinking-about-tomorrow type. The heartless version of himself that didn’t consider any of the consequences, or even her feelings at that time: only his own hurt, only his lack of a heart, the hole he could not fill. She’s right though – Thorgal deserves much better than either of his parents, and he doesn’t flinch at her words because he thinks them true. But they still are Thorgal’s parents, and it’s enough that they try. That is, if he’s even allowed to do that…
What she proposes now, is beyond his grasp. At first, he just stares at her, jaw locking tight because the alternative is that he might want to tear something apart. She still wants to be someone’s number one. And that’s fine – it means whatever she wanted of him, clearly she doesn’t want it so bad that she accepts to stand in Breckin’s shade (which is a spot he wouldn’t even give her at this very moment, not any more, but that’s beside the point). It also means she gets no say in whatever else he does, though.
He’s standing so still and stiff he might be trembling – in fact he is, minimally, hardly visible. It may be hurt that causes it, but if the past isn’t prove enough… it’s anger that he shows. For moments, he doesn’t get a word out. It doesn’t seem to register what she says, though it does. But when he unfreezes, he’s very clear about what he wants. Friend only? “No.” It’s a stiff denial, not even that heated when he says it – more or less a stating of a fact.
He doesn’t want it that way. It’s not what’s best for Thorgal, as far as he can see – if it was, he might have gone with it. Snorting a moment to gather his breath and loosen his mouth from the worst of the tension, there’s a matter-of-factly, slightly sarcastic, word flow coming from him. “I never promised you anything. You just assumed. So, yes, we were both desperate. Yet you say I broke your trust just by leaving you? Funny one you are. I don’t think pretending to love would have been any better. Do you?” His voice is soft, not necessarily a good thing. She should stand above this, but apparently she wants to play the childish game instead. If she can’t man up and leave the past be to care for her child who needs her…
Alright, so he’s actually very angry at her now. His voice is getting a little shaky when he continues, coated in an icy layer of pure restraint and not-shouting-because-foal (close behind him, he’s spotted the movements, but luckily, it takes a foal a few tries to stand), and gritting his teeth instead of actually snapping at her. “That’s not what’s best for him, Roseen, it’s just what’s best for you. There’s hundreds of children in Beqanna living without ever knowing their father, or even without a family – but he’s not going to be one of them. He has a family. A mother, a father, a sister, a brother. Who cares if they don’t all cuddle up at night. They’re there and they care and that’s what matters.” That’s at least, the two that he knows of. “ You don’t get to deny him all of that just because I’m not in love with you. You can hate me and yet you say you love him, why the hell do you think it’ll be different for me? How dare you even talk that way. You know nothing of me, Roseen. Absolutely nothing. All you know is that empty shell of the past, with a hole where the heart should have been. But let me tell you this much: nobody ever hurts my family. He’s part of that family, and you can choose for yourself if you want to be or not.”
An irritated huff follows, one step closer to her, almost threateningly, staring her down, tone low and muted for the sake of their son. “I am done pretending to be something I’m not. I’m not going through that again, because we all know how that one worked out. And if you don’t want to believe in me that’s fine. Who says I can trust you, either?” To not tell Thorgal about how bad and mean and terrible his dad is – there’s not guarantee she won’t do that, after all. And he’d have a child who hates him because his mother’s fantasies didn’t play out the way she imagined. “I’ll make you one promise, and that’s the only one you’ll get. I will always refuse to walk out on my own child.” Any of them.
It’s then that the movement behind him becomes a standing boy, and he turns his head to watch him take a step. Gives him a small smile in return. And like a snowflake in the summer sun, there’s nothing left of the ice in his voice. ”There you go, I knew you could do it.” All he’d needed was a little nudge, and a little faith. And he’s allowed to be proud of that. Whatever Roseen may think.
@[Roseen] @[Breckin] @[Nalia]
His icy gaze hardens when the bay mare speaks next. He’s seen her eyes dart towards Breckin with mixed emotions, but funnily enough she cannot comprehend that he has those, too. Feelings, that is. He just never knew how to cope with the major ones, it seems – everything he does, everything he feels, he does it with maximum intensity; that includes the times he was angry with himself, angry with Breckin, or the way he lost himself in the mere idea of starting over or longing for a woman’s touch – anyone’s was good enough at that point – or the hurt that consumed him and got him all up and down that mountain. But it also includes the way he loves his children, or Breckin. There’s nothing, ever, that’s allowed to get in between that.
Roseen just had the worst timing in the world, to fall for the empty thing that he was at the time. The not-thinking-about-tomorrow type. The heartless version of himself that didn’t consider any of the consequences, or even her feelings at that time: only his own hurt, only his lack of a heart, the hole he could not fill. She’s right though – Thorgal deserves much better than either of his parents, and he doesn’t flinch at her words because he thinks them true. But they still are Thorgal’s parents, and it’s enough that they try. That is, if he’s even allowed to do that…
What she proposes now, is beyond his grasp. At first, he just stares at her, jaw locking tight because the alternative is that he might want to tear something apart. She still wants to be someone’s number one. And that’s fine – it means whatever she wanted of him, clearly she doesn’t want it so bad that she accepts to stand in Breckin’s shade (which is a spot he wouldn’t even give her at this very moment, not any more, but that’s beside the point). It also means she gets no say in whatever else he does, though.
He’s standing so still and stiff he might be trembling – in fact he is, minimally, hardly visible. It may be hurt that causes it, but if the past isn’t prove enough… it’s anger that he shows. For moments, he doesn’t get a word out. It doesn’t seem to register what she says, though it does. But when he unfreezes, he’s very clear about what he wants. Friend only? “No.” It’s a stiff denial, not even that heated when he says it – more or less a stating of a fact.
He doesn’t want it that way. It’s not what’s best for Thorgal, as far as he can see – if it was, he might have gone with it. Snorting a moment to gather his breath and loosen his mouth from the worst of the tension, there’s a matter-of-factly, slightly sarcastic, word flow coming from him. “I never promised you anything. You just assumed. So, yes, we were both desperate. Yet you say I broke your trust just by leaving you? Funny one you are. I don’t think pretending to love would have been any better. Do you?” His voice is soft, not necessarily a good thing. She should stand above this, but apparently she wants to play the childish game instead. If she can’t man up and leave the past be to care for her child who needs her…
Alright, so he’s actually very angry at her now. His voice is getting a little shaky when he continues, coated in an icy layer of pure restraint and not-shouting-because-foal (close behind him, he’s spotted the movements, but luckily, it takes a foal a few tries to stand), and gritting his teeth instead of actually snapping at her. “That’s not what’s best for him, Roseen, it’s just what’s best for you. There’s hundreds of children in Beqanna living without ever knowing their father, or even without a family – but he’s not going to be one of them. He has a family. A mother, a father, a sister, a brother. Who cares if they don’t all cuddle up at night. They’re there and they care and that’s what matters.” That’s at least, the two that he knows of. “ You don’t get to deny him all of that just because I’m not in love with you. You can hate me and yet you say you love him, why the hell do you think it’ll be different for me? How dare you even talk that way. You know nothing of me, Roseen. Absolutely nothing. All you know is that empty shell of the past, with a hole where the heart should have been. But let me tell you this much: nobody ever hurts my family. He’s part of that family, and you can choose for yourself if you want to be or not.”
An irritated huff follows, one step closer to her, almost threateningly, staring her down, tone low and muted for the sake of their son. “I am done pretending to be something I’m not. I’m not going through that again, because we all know how that one worked out. And if you don’t want to believe in me that’s fine. Who says I can trust you, either?” To not tell Thorgal about how bad and mean and terrible his dad is – there’s not guarantee she won’t do that, after all. And he’d have a child who hates him because his mother’s fantasies didn’t play out the way she imagined. “I’ll make you one promise, and that’s the only one you’ll get. I will always refuse to walk out on my own child.” Any of them.
It’s then that the movement behind him becomes a standing boy, and he turns his head to watch him take a step. Gives him a small smile in return. And like a snowflake in the summer sun, there’s nothing left of the ice in his voice. ”There you go, I knew you could do it.” All he’d needed was a little nudge, and a little faith. And he’s allowed to be proud of that. Whatever Roseen may think.
@[Roseen] @[Breckin] @[Nalia]
Two things I know I can make: pretty kids, and people mad.
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