He grunted in soft, tired amusement when she promised she was so good at finding things and could help him search for what he'd lost. He'd already found it though. Could find anything. Anything but happiness for those he loved, anyone he touched.
He was cursing her too, even as he lay here trying to keep distant. But he didn't want to be distant. He wanted to hold her and this stupid damn skin covering her, brush his lips over her young muscles and wish he could have more than this brief moment.
But it would kill her at some point, or at the very least, break her. He always broke them.
He pulled a smile on for her, a silent promise that he wouldn't tell her gorgeous momma that Leliana didn't hide so well. It dimmed just as hers did, because he told her they couldn't be friends. He wished they could. He hated to hurt her, but she was so lucky this was the only hurt she'd have from him. All the good he could do was keep watch, from a distance, as he always would.
She reached for him, and he froze again, held his breath and watched her. "You look like my mama kind of," she told him so quietly, and goddamn, she drove a knife into his heart. He couldn't even imagine Leliana would look like this anymore, ever. Not after everything. But his girl continued, "Her wings sometimes look just like this when she's sleeping. Isn't that weird?"
He swallowed hard, held more tears at bay because he'd spilled enough of them before this baby girl already. Damn, his nose stung like hell, his heart ached. He shook his head a little for her, swallowing again so he could speak. "No, not so strange, my little babe." He stole another tentative nuzzle on her scaled skin, a last touch, last memory, drawing his lips over her neck.
"A nightmare," he explained softly.
He shouldn't stay. So he leaned back with a sigh.
"I should go now, babe." The longer he stayed, the more danger he put her in. "Promise you won't forget me?" he said with a weak but boyish grin, trying to lighten up for her. Everything for her. He tucked his nose under her little chin and gave her a little bump, gentle. "But no nightmares for you, right? Only smiles. You got that?"
He studied her carefully. "And probably you shouldn't mention this to your daddy, hm? Not your momma either. I don't belong here and we don't want to get you into trouble, right? I think I'd might die if you were sad," he teased sweetly, showing just a little charm because he couldn't help it. He wanted this little Leliana. Needed her smile. Just one more before he was gone.
we're slaves to any semblance of touch
Lord, we should quit but we love it too much
