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    COTY

    Assailant -- Year 226

    QOTY

    "But the dream, the echo, slips from him as quickly as he had found it and as consciousness comes to him (a slap and not the gentle waves of oceanic tides), it dissolves entirely. His muscles relax as the cold claims him again, as the numbness sets in, and when his grey eyes open, there’s nothing but the faint after burn of a dream often trod and never remembered." --Brigade, written by Laura


    [private]  come here, lupine
    #1
    She never meant to be gone so long, never thought it would take so long to find the twins, pluck them safely from this world so ruined with plague and riddled with death. But she has seen the seasons change, watched the red leaves drop from their moorings on branches so thin and brittle, leaving them bare as bones beneath. Has felt the temperatures drop until her breath clings to her nose like ghosts in the early dawn each morning. There is even snow now, late-winter clinging to the less temperate places, though she is sure there is no snow in Tephra, none where her youngest has been waiting for her to come collect him again.

    It feels strange for him to be so absent from her, strange to have this boy and only love him at a distance, theoretically, because she has had no chance to know him. It strikes an ache in her chest, a wound that always drags her thoughts back to him, back to gray man who had fathered him. A fear that he would come looking and try to take the boy from her - a fear that he should, that her son would be better off without her.

    But she is too wicked and too greedy and she will never give him up, even now has chosen to abandon her search for a pair of twins she has grown to suspect are not quite ready to be found. A few days will make little difference to them, but it will be enough to ease the ache in her chest that she would confess of to none.

    She crosses the border of the Tephran territory, greeted by a wall of humidity that is so familiar, so thick with memories that she is nearly blown away. She had not realized how deeply she had grown to associate this place, the stink of fire and brimstone, with the man who had been her king, her husband. The man she had watched wither away and leave her, she who could not die. She who would have given anything to join him in the peace (or nothingness) of death.

    For a while, she is like a ghost standing there. Unmoving and gazing off at nothing, remembering everything until her heart is so heavy she is not sure she’ll be able to carry it any further. She knows the paths they took when they walked together - knows which will take her to their old den and which will take her to where they swam when the humidity became too much. Knows she wants to revisit these places, knows she will come undone again if she does.

    She’s nearly forgotten the purpose of being here at all when suddenly the hair along her spine rises, the skin beneath prickling and pulling and drawing a sharp intensity back to those green eyes that had grown shiny with sorrow. Her head turns quickly to the side, her gaze like a blade. But it is a smile that ghosts across her lips when her eyes find who it was that found her first. “Lupine,” she calls to him, a quiet, affectionate murmur for just the two of them, “come here, my clever boy.”
    #2

    I was born without this fear


    He’d been so very close to escaping. Until he’d been distracted by another. A feline like him, but big. Strangely big. He is not inclined to dwell, however, and so he does not. He’d promised to see her again, but he is on a mission. He had to complete his mission first. Mom is out there all by her lonesome still, and what if she needs him?

    And so he’d scrambled back into a tree, determined to make it all the way this time. Determined  to find her.

    He doesn’t consider the obstacles in his way. He would figure them out when he got to them. As far as he is concerned, there isn’t much he can’t do if he puts his mind to it. And so, slinking through the tree branches once more, he continues on his way, taking a rather meandering path to the very edges of the kingdom. He is nearly there when a rustle of sound catches his attention. He freezes, dropping into a crouch against the rough bark of the limb he now clings to.

    When he sees nothing right away, he creeps forward, his curiosity getting the better of him. It takes him a few minutes to crawl through foliage towards the noisy offender, though silence now hangs heavily in the air. Either he was hearing things, or they weren’t moving. Finally (finally!), he catches sight of a distinctly equine shape through the leaves. He stills for a moment before slinking forward once more, this time much more slowly.

    When he finally comes close enough to make out whoever had interrupted him, he blinks. It takes a second for the familiarity of her features to register, so long has it been since he’d last seen her. Then he thinks maybe he must be seeing things. He’d wanted so badly to find Momma, maybe his imagination had conjured her up. But when she looks up, his name on her lips, his heart leaps inside his little chest.

    Letting out a loud meow, he runs the rest of the way along the branch, it’s slender outer-reaches shivering beneath his weight until he’s close enough to leap. He lands with a little wobble on her back, barely catching himself from slipping down before a loud, happy purr is rumbling from his chest. He butts his head excitedly against her neck, rubbing his whiskers all over her blue skin as he squirms with barely contained pleasure, paws kneading almost helpless against her shoulders.

    But it’s not enough. Not nearly enough. He slips over her side, tumbling clumsily down, barely managing to twist himself in time so that he lands a little roughly on his feet. In seconds however, he’s shifted from black kitten to gangly blue colt and is crushing himself against her in a desperate hug. “Momma!” he cries, pressing his face into her neck. “I missed you so so much.”


    Now only this seems clear

    Lupine
    #3
    There is still some sense of strangeness that this boy came from her. So small and soft and feline, so sweet as he lands on her back with his little paws kneading her skin. He seems too good, too gentle, too unlike her, and she wonders once again at what kind of a man his father must have been. Wonders if she is wrong to try and keep the boy from him, offer them no opportunity to know one another. It seems wrong now, especially while she has been so absent from him for so long.

    He spills down her side and for a moment she feels a flair of panic, drops her shoulder low so the ground is not so far. But he twists with a grace she knows all too well, landing on paws that shift suddenly into hooves and long legs and the body of the boy she had birthed. A body that looked so much like hers, blue and bright and so beautiful.

    She is selfish that way, broken, loves when they look like her and not the men who aren’t Killdare.

    In an instant he is pressed against her chest with his face buried in the gem-bright blue of her neck. She folds her neck over him, drags him close with her chin, turns her face so that her cheek is pressed to him. “Hi baby,” she murmurs against his cheek, nuzzles quiet little kisses against the curve of his jaw. “I missed you too, so much.” She makes no effort to let go of him, just holds him close and steady, showers him with soft affections and all the kisses they missed out on in the time she’s been gone. “Do you mind if I stay here with you for a few days, love?” It is a warning masked by a promise. The promise to stay, the reminder that it can’t be forever. “Maybe you can show me all your favorite places here, and I’ll show you mine.”
    #4

    I was born without this fear


    She pulls him close, and he happily crushes himself against her. Though he’d traded the body of the feline for that of the horse, a rumble still vibrates through his chest, echoing the enthusiastic purr of a few moments earlier. In his youthful naivete, he hadn’t noticed the worry. The way her features had faintly echoed her thoughts. He’d been too happy to see her to notice anything else.

    Truth be told, he’d never given the man who’d sired him much thought. He had never met him, only understanding his existence as an abstract idea. A faint ghost of man whose only role in his life had been in the creation of it. Perhaps one day, he might wish to know who is father was (perhaps one day, when his skin begins to fade and he looks less and less like his mother). But for now, Momma is all he requires.

    Leaning happily into her kisses, he rubs his cheek against her shoulder, basking in the warmth of her presence and her soft, possessive love as she murmurs against his skin. When she asks if she might stay, he straightens, blue-green eyes popping up to hers, bright and glimmering in the darker blue mask of his face. “A few days?” he asks uncertainly, eyes seeking as he studies her blue features.

    A frown slowly, almost unconsciously tugs at his lips as he stares at her, before he abruptly shakes his head. “You’re not leaving me here again,” he insists, suddenly determined even as he presses himself harder against her. “I won’t let you.”

    But for all his bravery, his chin trembles just a little and he has to blink rapidly a few times. When that doesn’t work, he shifts abruptly, burying his face into the crook of her neck. He’s brave and strong. Really! But sometimes it cracks just a little, and he doesn’t want Momma to see how his eyes water at the thought of being left behind again.

    Squeezing his eyes closed, face still hidden against her blue skin, he takes a deep, shakey breath. And another. He latches onto her last suggestion then, and after a moment, without lifting his head from her neck, he whispers into her skin, “Okay.” He takes another breath. “Okay. I wanna see.”


    Now only this seems clear

    Lupine




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