don't know what I'm supposed to do; chaol

[leliana]

I don't know what I'm supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you

She cannot help it, she jerks when he first touches her.

It is instinctual, a shuddering, a loss of innocence that she has so long fought so hard to keep. Her skin flinches and she turns her head so that he cannot see the tears that stain her cheeks or the way that her eyes give her away. She knows that one look there and he would know everything. He would know that she is a failure, that she is weak, that she keeps going back to the things that only break her.

That she still lives here, even after what he has done.

That she still bears the mark of him, even though she could make them go away.

She frowns at his growl, his snarling words burying into her head. “No,” she chokes out. “Please.” She doesn’t know why she protests it. If it’s because, despite everything, she still loves the scaled stallion who attacked her—who warned her to stay away from him before he fled. If it is because he is her daughter’s father. If it’s because she loves Chaol and cannot stand the thought of him getting beneath Vulgaris’ poisonous fangs. Or if it’s because she simply cannot stomach the thought of more violent, more hurt.

Regardless, she doesn’t retract the softly spoken words and just leans into his touch, letting his wings slip over her back and his touch to linger. He urges her to let it out, but she feels empty—hollow. “I don’t think I have anything left to give,” she whispers softly, confessing the one thing that she has been terrified to admit. “I think it’s all gone.” She looks out into the horizon, but she doesn’t see anything, barely feels anything—not the heat of him next to her or the breeze on her back or the blood dripping down her sides.

@[Chaol]