01-20-2019, 04:24 AM
Leilan
Glaciers melting in the dead of night
and the superstars sucked into the supermassive
and the superstars sucked into the supermassive
Children need their fathers, she’d said.
Children might. What about teenagers on the brink of adulthood? Were they better off without? It sure felt like it now.
And then she’d cursed him and called it a gift.
Yet nothing is worse than living forever and seeing your children go, one by one. Lose them to time or their own idiocy, or to anyone of violent nature.
Letting go was never going to be easy, but for one who attaches on such a level, it’s probably even worse.
Brennen might be able to handle it, he thinks. The man had once told him as much, when he’d asked.
But Leilan sure as hell can’t, and he hasn’t even lived long enough to call it a lifetime.
Is not attaching to them at all, better?
He’d tried that, multiple times before. He’d tried detaching from his emotions when his parents died and the Amazons wouldn’t take him as anything else than a servant, and so he left. He’d tried detaching from loving Breckin because it would be easier not to feel anything than to hurt. He’d tried detaching from life itself and then that fairy showed up and wouldn’t let him. He’d tried detaching from his daughter so that she at least could live a normal life, and it had just brought him back to this too-familiar state.
Empty.
Angry.
Tyrant?
Superfluous.
They’re better off without me, anyway.
Déja Vu.
Over the last month or so, he’d nearly aggressively plunged into setting up Icicle Isle. It’s the only way he still felt somewhat useful, but the emptiness was still there, still slowly growing. Even just looking at Breckin when she slept - he didn’t sleep half as much as he should - gave him mixed feelings of melancholy and dread. Wouldn’t she be better off if he broke with her? Or if he disappeared one day? Wouldn’t she in time, find someone else and be happy again, find someone who would not pull her down but who held her up, someone who wasn’t such a challenge to be around at all in the first place. Someone who wouldn’t be testing her patience every other day because he’d stared too hard at a son-in-law-to-be and with that, almost threatened a long-standing alliance?
Wouldn’t his mother be better off without someone challenging her, without someone yelling at her when she did something stupid - she knew this, why did he have to point it out again? His siblings were so much better than him. He’s just the stupid-angry one. That’s how he’ll be remembered in history, if at all - the stupid angry child that never grew up.
So perhaps it would be better if he wasn’t going to be around them for an eternity - let time take him, as time would. They probably wouldn’t know any better if he gave it up now, before his lack of aging became too obvious.
His feet have carried him to the Mountain today even though he knows he’ll find no real solace there. They’d probably hate him, too, for what he did to his baby girl - and what he did to make sure she wouldn’t be bothered by him again. But perhaps they’ll like the girl enough to grant his one request. Isn’t that what he was still alive for, after all?
”Hey, you twittery butterflies.” His voice lacks the power of anger this time. In fact, it is about as empty as a hollow grave. ”Can I bother you again for something?”
He settles in to wait - doesn’t think they’ll be easy on him and appear instantly, because why would they? But being immortal, he guesses he has all the time in the world.
And isn’t that an ironic thought - because he’d come as she’d once told him. Ask nicely, and she might rid him of the very thing. Because for him, and those around him, it is only a burden. Well, okay, not really aging that fast hasn’t been that much of a trouble.
But for his daughter, it might just be the only thing to save her from getting drowned. She might get a second chance, like he had - even if he wouldn’t be around to help her, because she didn’t want him to.
And sure, Rhae had promised him that he wouldn’t let her die. But he’d also promised her to set her free and let her wander on her own, like she always would. The boy could be around to save her just about as much as her father could - not always. Oh, sure, she’d probably let Rhaegor near her more than she would her father. Considering she wouldn’t want to talk to him at all, probably, that didn’t really say enough.
This is the last straw.
There seems to be no fairy this time to scold him, or even tell him to go home. Nothing happens for such a long time, he starts to get a little hungry, and wonders if he’ll stay here all night. But if he must, then he will, until he gets some answer.
It’s dark when he finally feels a tingle of magic. Just like that, it’s gone before he noticed - perhaps even if they didn’t want to talk, they might have granted his request. At any rate, it’s his cue to leave.
This time, he takes the long route down.
Children might. What about teenagers on the brink of adulthood? Were they better off without? It sure felt like it now.
And then she’d cursed him and called it a gift.
Yet nothing is worse than living forever and seeing your children go, one by one. Lose them to time or their own idiocy, or to anyone of violent nature.
Letting go was never going to be easy, but for one who attaches on such a level, it’s probably even worse.
Brennen might be able to handle it, he thinks. The man had once told him as much, when he’d asked.
But Leilan sure as hell can’t, and he hasn’t even lived long enough to call it a lifetime.
Is not attaching to them at all, better?
He’d tried that, multiple times before. He’d tried detaching from his emotions when his parents died and the Amazons wouldn’t take him as anything else than a servant, and so he left. He’d tried detaching from loving Breckin because it would be easier not to feel anything than to hurt. He’d tried detaching from life itself and then that fairy showed up and wouldn’t let him. He’d tried detaching from his daughter so that she at least could live a normal life, and it had just brought him back to this too-familiar state.
Empty.
Angry.
Tyrant?
Superfluous.
They’re better off without me, anyway.
Déja Vu.
Over the last month or so, he’d nearly aggressively plunged into setting up Icicle Isle. It’s the only way he still felt somewhat useful, but the emptiness was still there, still slowly growing. Even just looking at Breckin when she slept - he didn’t sleep half as much as he should - gave him mixed feelings of melancholy and dread. Wouldn’t she be better off if he broke with her? Or if he disappeared one day? Wouldn’t she in time, find someone else and be happy again, find someone who would not pull her down but who held her up, someone who wasn’t such a challenge to be around at all in the first place. Someone who wouldn’t be testing her patience every other day because he’d stared too hard at a son-in-law-to-be and with that, almost threatened a long-standing alliance?
Wouldn’t his mother be better off without someone challenging her, without someone yelling at her when she did something stupid - she knew this, why did he have to point it out again? His siblings were so much better than him. He’s just the stupid-angry one. That’s how he’ll be remembered in history, if at all - the stupid angry child that never grew up.
So perhaps it would be better if he wasn’t going to be around them for an eternity - let time take him, as time would. They probably wouldn’t know any better if he gave it up now, before his lack of aging became too obvious.
His feet have carried him to the Mountain today even though he knows he’ll find no real solace there. They’d probably hate him, too, for what he did to his baby girl - and what he did to make sure she wouldn’t be bothered by him again. But perhaps they’ll like the girl enough to grant his one request. Isn’t that what he was still alive for, after all?
”Hey, you twittery butterflies.” His voice lacks the power of anger this time. In fact, it is about as empty as a hollow grave. ”Can I bother you again for something?”
He settles in to wait - doesn’t think they’ll be easy on him and appear instantly, because why would they? But being immortal, he guesses he has all the time in the world.
And isn’t that an ironic thought - because he’d come as she’d once told him. Ask nicely, and she might rid him of the very thing. Because for him, and those around him, it is only a burden. Well, okay, not really aging that fast hasn’t been that much of a trouble.
But for his daughter, it might just be the only thing to save her from getting drowned. She might get a second chance, like he had - even if he wouldn’t be around to help her, because she didn’t want him to.
And sure, Rhae had promised him that he wouldn’t let her die. But he’d also promised her to set her free and let her wander on her own, like she always would. The boy could be around to save her just about as much as her father could - not always. Oh, sure, she’d probably let Rhaegor near her more than she would her father. Considering she wouldn’t want to talk to him at all, probably, that didn’t really say enough.
This is the last straw.
There seems to be no fairy this time to scold him, or even tell him to go home. Nothing happens for such a long time, he starts to get a little hungry, and wonders if he’ll stay here all night. But if he must, then he will, until he gets some answer.
It’s dark when he finally feels a tingle of magic. Just like that, it’s gone before he noticed - perhaps even if they didn’t want to talk, they might have granted his request. At any rate, it’s his cue to leave.
This time, he takes the long route down.
you set my soul alight
Two things I know I can make: pretty kids, and people mad.
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